not a poem but something that have been stuck in my head since four years ago*

High school was never easy.
Even the happiest person said that they have a bad memories in high school.
They get bullied
Some people would said that I should treasure everything that happened in my high school life.
I know. IVE TRIED SO HARD.
But I cant.
Folks in high school are weird.
Not that weird. They're...... 'weird'..
They're full with hatred
-full with negatives vibes
-full with idk why the heck they want to bad things to other people.
For me, I dont know.
I dont enjoy anything
Everything looks so depressing
Full of hate..
I tell you
I've been trying.
And its my fourth year now
Trying to be positive
Trying to understand everyone in the school
But
I think.. This things cant be help no more.

Everytime I walked into my school
My depression level increase to level 99
My loneliness can be felt..so clear
My self-esteem drop like hell

High school even teach me not to trust everyone.
-people always leave no matter what why when or how.

No wonder some people killed themself
-some kid do selfharm
-some students would ditch school
-some people do drugs just to run away from the school probs

Idk is it just me or what

Oh gosh.. I wish I can just scream at them in their face.

The idea of losing you
was not something I fathomed
To be difficult.  I pursue
The task and become regretful.

For the idea became real,
and I found myself all alone.
Time is something I would make still,
and steal from the Father.

All in the hopes of keeping the,
memories of you in my head.
Reliving those days with karma
awaiting me when time starts up.

And because I'm only human,
my grip on time did not last.
And you disappeared.  So I ran
until I realized you've died.

I saw you in my sleep

But its different this time
With your clueless eyes, and
I can feel it in your chest, your hopeless heart
That is beating but.. Not sure
You smiled, a plain one.
You then grab my hand
And hold it
And hug me tightly
Like a goodbye
like we're not meant to be together

I still can feel your warmth..
I look at you in the eyes
Waiting for a clue
why
You kissed me and left me clueless
And, you fade away...
And I've never seen you since then

But
Im very sure
I saw you in my sleep
I saw you in my dream

*(Ai Oct 9)

I wish to be in your arm at this hour
In your warmness during these cold nights
In your hugs when Im all insecures
I wish you'd shut me with putting your fingers on my lips.
I wish you'd laugh at my lamest joke.
I wish you'd hug me from the back while I was busy doing stuff.
I wish you and I could cuddle under the blanket. No i mean just cuddle.
I wish you'd wipe away my tears when I cried and kiss me.
'Its okay Im here' just simple as that. You know you can get me.
I wish you're here playing with my hair.
I wish you'd stay.

Most of all
I wish you were mine again

*Ai, Oct 7

I walk through the dark night,
Never knowing what i might find,
Slow and easy in and out
I need this air for my shout
I scream at the sky and all it has done wrong,
I scream because of the oceans song,
All i do now is sit and weep
For this is what i must do before i sleep.
Scream out all the wrongs
And cry about all the rights,
Some time soon my soul will take flight.
Up in the dark it will fly and soar
And finally i will scream no more.

Im awake
Thinking bout you
But you probably in your deep sleep
With her lullaby that she sang for you

Im alone
Thinking about you
But you probably in your dreams
With her hair in your arms.
Well basically with her
--cuddling
And sleep.

You left me alone again tonight.
You love her..
You do
I can see it in your eyes
I can see the way you talk to her
I can see it when you hold her hands
Things changed.
Im no longer your favourite
Im no longer in your playlist.
Im slowly fading away from you.
Im no longer exist inside you.

I wish you can see me just like how you see her.
In the eyes.

*Ai, Oct 6

don't take offense
if none was intended.
don't take offense.
let your feelings bend.
don't show defense.
let the issue end.
if you have anger.
no one has to know.
emotions create danger.
please let it go.
if no one else can cure it
don't let it show.
harsh feelings infect and spread
so no one needs to know.