i say nothing.
cause i know its safe.
i do nothing,
cause i know its better.

you poke and urge,
pulling at the thread you spy.
and when i unravel,
you are angered by the mess.

i cower,
because i know.
i expect what im used to.
i strike out,
its in my nature.
eyes wide with what ive done.

a silence is what i allways return to.
a void left by my voice.
my words.
my honesty.

i cannot play the game,
i dont know how.
i speak my own language,
and i know,
you hate its sound.

so now.
can i expect grace?
understanding
compassion.

compassion.....?

do i start the old ritual,
of collecting memories.
in anger
in rejection
in knowing
that i wasnt enough.

deposit them at your door,
and hope for a smile.

what do i do
with the embers you left in soul?
what do i do
knowing how you truly feel?
what do i do
seeing you smile
but knowing that i am not what you want
what do i do
after the terrible truths

you said
you would not miss me when i had gone
you said
you could not fall in love
you said
you are not happy

i know these things
they live in my heart now
broken shards of glass
cutting, cutting
every day
knowing
remembering
the words that made me cold

the place i have
in your world
is not precious
or treasured

what am i?
what purpose do i have in your life?

nothing, seemingly
then why do you keep me around?