i
move
in ways
my brain can't contain
i often
spill nouns
adjectives
and verbs
before my mind
can move my lips
around the words
sometimes,
i've noticed
i make noises
while i'm riding
alone on buses
it's pretty ******* awkward
when you pick words
at random
and throw them at strangers
on the street
maybe,
it's my body
telling me
i should lose control
more often
loosen the reigns
around my teeth
stop them
from biting my tongue
so often
but mostly
i worry
about my
neurological
condition.

turn down the lights
turn down the bed
i am so sick
of playing this over in my head
my arms outstretched
pointing my veins to the sky
like empty canals
baby, i am a sinking city
you are a skyscraper
i wanna get lost
in your vast metropolis
my small, village skin
can't compare
to your beautiful concrete
i am still not a firework
my back fence flare
isn't enough
it was never enough
but all i know for sure
is these sheets feel too big
without you
so i will continue
to send you postcards
from the darkest depths of this bed
till you could cover your walls
in love letters
that i don't actually send
instead,
i close my timid eyes
& wait
but you won't
no, you won't.

truthfully, i am amorous
you are a fever
cover me with your symptoms
i will stay bedridden,
laid on my back
till my neighbours know your name
i was a waning moon
you are apollo
take one small step closer to me
to my uncharted territory
leave your footprint
on my lower back
i'll leave my foot
in my mouth
because i can't eclipse my awkward
no matter how hard i try
call me bonfire
i will burn every word
in one flushed face
on escalators & train carriages
i picture your denim
leaving your skin
at 70 miles per hour
your altitude
gets me all lightheaded
light me up
like mars in the night sky
boy, crash into me
like a meteor
i want you to be my natural disaster
because i've never loved
without blowing up
please,
******* up.

they say the creases on my forehead
poking out under my curly hair
are frown lines
that signify anger
but i don't think of them
as frown lines
because they're at their deepest
when i'm smiling
no, they're more like life lines
or souvenirs
from the time you called me beautiful
in the middle of november
yes, i remember
i hope by the time i'm eighty
i'm covered in love letter wrinkles
please, come age me gracefully
i wanna wash my feet
in your bloodstream
maybe that's a little weird
i'm scared of telling you how i feel
but at four in the morning
under my sheets
you ******* clean
you fold me
like the most beautiful constellations
i wanna be your north star
look to me for direction
i have no sense of direction
but my heart is so big
you can see me from space
like an egyptian pyramid
bury yourself
in my chambers
every time i buried you
i was really burying seeds
you always
grow back
to
me.

i was born second
out of a pair of twins
on march the 1st 1990
i always ask
for an extra shot in my coffee
when i was a kid
my favourite power ranger
was the pink power ranger
i felt like this was wrong
so i pretended my favourite
was the ******* ranger
i am black & blue
from all the things
i beat myself up about
i used to carry my shame
like bags under my eyes
it was so heavy
i think that's why
i always over-pack
when i'm away from home
i am almost always
wearing sweatpants when i'm alone
if these walls could talk
i'm afraid that they wouldn't have much to say
except to tell you that
i'm getting better at letting go
of my shame
i live vicariously through drew barrymore
i can't ride a bike
my sense of balance is terrible
sometimes stringing together a sentence
feels like an assault course
and i am the least athletic person
you could probably meet
i am a perpetual mixture
of sunshine & sleet
i'm scared
that if you come into my bedroom
you will read all my secrets
on my sheets
the wrinkles on my forehead
are really threads
holding an earthquake
inside my mind
one day
i will burst at the seams
climb to my highest tower
and scream
"my favourite power ranger
is the pink ******* power ranger."

i wanna be a map
that you fold
& keep in your pocket
mark me with
"you are here"
on my chest
just a little to the left
take a drive down my veins
you'd be surprised
where my roads could take you
tie your thread
to every inch of my body
that you have ever visited
i wanna wear a sweater
made entirely out of your hands
'X' marks the spot
open me
like a treasure chest
i am not gold inside
no,
but my hidden treasures
are all yours
you are an adventure
i wanna get lost
all over the landscapes
of you
plan a route
that leads you
straight into my sheets
there are cities in the palms of my hands
won't you come
& explore
the vastness
of me.

my first boyfriend bought me an etch-a-sketch for christmas
with "i love you" drawn onto it
then broke up with me on new years day
the irony is not lost on me
and i still don't know
what shook him so hard
that i was erased
i was young then-
didn't know much about life
about love
hell, i still don't
i stumble my way through it all
i often trip & fall
yeah, i'm clumsy like that
but i'm saving all my "i love you"'s
and keeping them to myself
'cause honestly,
my love is the quiet kind
it's not candles & fancy table-cloths
or nicholas sparks dialogue
no, it isn't shouted from rooftops
instead,
it's whispered into pillowcases
in lonely beds
i make valentines mixtapes
that i never give out
i catch my tongue
before it runs away
with the words
i don't have the guts to say
i keep them locked up
somewhere in my ribcage
when i see you
i feel them rattling in my bones
there are claw marks on my throat
from times they've threatened
to spill out my mouth
i cry for you
like spilled milk
as white as your library smile
let me inside
i wanna learn everything
your wisdom teeth have to offer
i promise
i will be the perfect pupil
get straight A's
in the curves of your lips
anyway,
what i mean to say
is if i kiss you
would that
be
okay?