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 Feb 2014 Adam Bigelow
1487
They say if a writer falls in love with you, you can never die.
But how is that fair?

I don't want to keep you alive.
 Feb 2014 Adam Bigelow
1487
He asked me if I missed the feeling
of being in love.

I told him that I can remember what it's like but I can't remember how it feels.

And I'm not sure if that's a blessing
or a curse.
 Feb 2014 Adam Bigelow
1487
6:20
I can't forget the look of your eyes meeting mine when you walked through the door.

Like I was everything you thought you wanted at a time before.

6:20
I didn't stand from my chair to hug you because my knees were too soft and I feared I might fall to your feet.

6:33
You stood behind me at the jukebox and I could feel the heat of your body on the back of my neck, traveling down my spine.

It was that old familiar warmth I remember laying next to at night.

7:10
I sang along to a song you told me you played.
Not realizing till a month later the hidden meaning behind the words.

"I'll remember you" it rang,
as I sang,
and sang,
and sang.

7:28
Your  eyes didn't search for me like they did before when I would leave your side.

I tried to hide in the dark and watch you in the light but you never noticed I was gone.

7:37
Your hands lay on the steering wheel of my car, with ***** in your blood speeding away with my heart. Entrusting my life to a boy who didn't care if I lived or died.  

He'd already killed me many times.

8:16
You placed your arm around your buddy's girl and joked how you were trying to make him mad.
But instead I sat there comparing my body to the thin girl in the hat.

8:58
You decided it was time to leave so we walked back to my car.

I wish it were cold so I could say it pierced my heart but that was your breath on my lips at the stop sign.

9:30
We drove old dirt roads until we found a spot bare enough to take our clothes off and I remember the placement of my hands on the seat as you sank your teeth deep into me.

Chewed me up.
Spit me out.

You didn't like my taste in your mouth.

10:15
You were tired so you drove back to where we left your car in the parking lot.

You said I acted weird on the drive home.

But you knew.

It was known.
It was known.
It was known.

10:36
I laid in my bed, fully clothed with the fabric remembering your hug that held tightly and lingered just long enough; with words of "I love you" as you kissed my forehead.

Like you never left.


I wish I would have left.
If I could go back to this night and walk out that door when you walked in, I would.
 Feb 2014 Adam Bigelow
1487
There are many days
I get on here
to read others' words
just to know
that I'm alive.

To know I'm not
the only one
left
who's dying.
 Feb 2014 Adam Bigelow
1487
1.  I will never be the reason for you crying.

2.   You couldn't push me away if you wanted to. I'm always here.

3.  You make me the happiest man in the world. You have completely stolen my heart and glued it back together. You are more than I deserve. I love you with all that I have.

4.  Will you be mine forever?

5.  You going to be my wife one day?

6.  I can see nothing in this world to make me change my mind.

7.  I need your love. I need your smile. I need your touch, your laugh, your eyes. I'm the happiest man in the world to call you mine.

8.  No one can love anything as much as I love you.

9.  Don't give up on me.

10.  I need you.

11.  I love you

12.  I love you

13.  I'm confused. I don't know what to do.

14.  I need time.

15.  My head isn't right. I need to work on myself first.

16.  Why are you throwing my stuff away? I'm coming back.

17.  I can't ask you to wait for me. I don't want you to move on.

18.  I don't think I'll ever give up on you.

19.  I miss you

20.  No, I'm not seeing anyone else.

21.  No, I didn't sleep with her.

22.  No, I don't love her anymore.

23.  *I love you
excerpts from texts he once sent
 Dec 2011 Adam Bigelow
Camille
I will walk
And you will follow
Don’t be held back
By your sorrow
Breathe in the future
And breathe out the past
We’ll soon pick up the pace
And then we’ll run fast

— The End —