The more you say,
The more I stray,
The more I feel that you're pushing me away.
Threading needles to fill up this sidewalk's crack,
Only o be clipped by your machine gun mouth.
My body's beaten, my soul is sore,
I don't know if I can handle much more.
I am tired of your calloused personality,
So in silence I will cringe.

Don't mistake my silence for passivity,
Don't think it is a "yes" or "go on, it's okay."
Even the strongest person vent out,
You would never want to hear what it is that may come from my mouth.
Just keep in mind, no one has ever planned a ****** out loud.
Staring at this hour glass,
Counting every grain of sand,
Thread lightly,
It might reset,
Or just simply, like my patience,
Run out.

Sometimes,
A ticking tock's hands,
Looks like a pair of scissors,
For people who's in desperated need of time.
Tick, tock.
Goes the clock.
Sixty seconds.
"Please just a little bit more."
Forty five.
holds on tighter
Thirty.
"Please don't go. I need you here."
Fifteen.
"It's not time yet."
Ten.
"I'm not ready yet."
Nine.
"Please, please, please."
Eight.
"Open your eyes."
Seven.
"I promise you we'll do anything you want."
Six.
"Quit playing now, it's not funny anymore."
Five.
"Come back. Please. Just come back."
Four.
"Oh God."
Three.
"Why, why did it have to be me who gets left behind."
Two.
"Please, just one last time, hold my hand a little bit tighter."
One.
sobs

Then a faint voice from next to you gets muttered, that cuts the last strand of hope you ever had.

"Time of death, 12:54."

Come one, come all,
To this one man show,
Where a man gets stabbed in the heart,
As he wears it on his sleeve.

Not once, not twice,
Too many to count,
Watch as he sheds his tears,
Listen as he shouts.

Then she'd grab his hand,
And throw him into a ring of fire,
If you're looking for entertainment,
This is what you desire.

As she tames and breaks him,
Like a wild lion with a whip and leash,
Listen to that cracking sound,
As it touches his skin.

No fangs, no claws,
Just please, hold your applause,
To see the new age wonder,
The "domesticated" blunder.

I have this weird addiction,
I promised myself that smoking would be,
The last thing I can see myself doing,
It's something so filthy and just down right disgusting.

But when I started working,
I was alone, I had nothing to go to,
And I keep hearing my friends tell me,
That smoking helps you tune out the edge of stress in your life.
That smoking wakes you up especially at night,
So working from 10pm- 7am at a hotel with no one to talk to,
Becomes more bearable.

So I tried it,
It was true, I wasn't so miserable,
I wasn't so cranky,
I wasn't too edgy and anxious about everything,
So it became a habit,
Plus it keeps my eyes open,
On nights that everything is just so dead.

I told myself that I don't want to love again,
After she left the way she did,
Well I just was so just tired of it.
Excuses.
Reasons,
Whys,
Hows,
Ifs,
Buts,
Etc.

Then I met you,
And by God you are the most wonderful human being on this planet,
As if every pain, every problem,
Every moment I had that caused me to bleed,
Was just shoved into a corner,
All I see are rainbows and butterflies,
Nothing but you and me on it.

I always catch myself red handed,
Making promises to myself I can't keep,
But knowing that I still get better sleep,
Because I know the moment I open my eyes,
As I light a cigarette,
And drink my morning coffee,
There would be a short message on my phone,
From you to me.

But days have passed,
The "magic" as people call it,
Doesn't really last,
I wanted to quit smoking so bad,
As much as I wanted to quit being too dependent on you.

All I have for cold mornings are cigarettes and coffee,
Not the sight of you laying on my bed,
As I kiss you good morning,
Then pack my things and get ready to go to work,
Nor the sight of you laying in my bed,
Every time I get home,
And tap you on your shoulders,
To surprise you with three simple words,
"I got food."

I may never quit smoking,
I just might not,
The same way I can never quit thinking of you,
How things could've turned out.
If I did that,
Instead of this,
If I said that,
Instead of the other,
I may never know,
I need a cigarette,
I'm just feeling so low.

Maligayang bati,
Sa aking pagsilang,
Walang bakas ng gunita,
Walang alaala ng nasabing araw.

Nagdaan ang mga taon,
Namulat sa katotohanan,
Na hindi marunong magpatawad ang mundo,
At hindi ito titigil na para lang sayo.

Nagdaan ang mga taon,
Ilang kaarawan ang lumipas,
Andiyan ang pancit,
At ang keyk na nakahanda,
Sa hapag kainan para pagsaluhan,
Mga ngiting di mabakas,
Nagpapasalamat sa biyaya.

Ngunit ito ang unang taon,
Kung saan maghahanda ako,
Hindi para sa iba,
Kundi para sa sarili ko.
At aanyayahan ko kayo,
Nawa'y sana'y makadalo,
Habang unti unti kong inilalapag,
Sa ating hapag, upang ating pagsaluhan.

Maghahanda ako,
Ihahanda ko ang sarili ko,
Na ang puso ko'y tatayuan ko ng pader,
Na papalibot dito,
Dahil pagod na kong masaktan,
At nahahapo na ang aking katawan.

Maghahanda ako,
Na ibaon ang bawat alaala.
Ang tamis nang bawat halik,
Ang kuryenteng dumadaloy sa aking katawan,
Mga labing bumubuhay nang aking kamalayan.

Ihahanda ko din,
Ang aking sarili,
Na unti unti nang humakbang,
Papalayo sa nakasanayan,
Kung ano ang aking kinamulatan,
Sa loob nang mga taong pinagsamahan.

Mga umagang iyong mukha ang bumubungad,
Sa aking mga mata,
Habang ika'y pinagmamasdan,
Sa taimtim **** paghihimlay,
Habang ako'y nagninilay nilay,
Eto na ba ang pagibig na hinihintay?

Kaya mahal sa aking kaarawan,
Kasabay ng pagihip ko nang kandila,
Magpapaalam na ako sayo,
Paalam na sa mga gabing kayakap kita,
Sa mga sandaling magkakapit bisig tayo sa ilalim nang mga bitwin,
Na kung saan langit ang saksi sa ating pagmamahalan,
Sa mundong tayo lang ang nagkakaintindihan.

Pipikit ako,
At uulit ulitin ko ang mga salitang;
"Handa na ako"
At hihiling ng lakas ng loob,
At tibay ng sikmura,
Bibilang ako ng tatlo,
Isa,
dalawa,
Tatlo,
At sa aking pagdilat,
Hihipan ko ang kandila,
At magpapaalam na sayo.

Deceit is a friend that I have known for so long.
I have had conversations with myself,
Looking into a mirror,
Telling myself it's fine,
It's okay,
If not today,
Then maybe someday.
Because deception is all I have,
To make me ingest this cruel thing called life.
Time will tell,
When all will be well,
Because a life filled with misery,
Disappointment,
Heart ache,
Despair,
Is worst than hell.

I love how patient you are with your words. How you swallow them whole and digest it in your mind, if they are what I want to hear, or what I need to hear. Your patience is a virtue that I wish I could find in my soul, because I'm too impatient. The sound of a clock's hand ticking drives me mad, I hate scenes where I can even hear a pin drop inside a room filled with people. With you it's different, you silence lasts a lifetime but your words pulse through my veins every time you speak.