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Ace Jhan de Vera Apr 2016
Andiyan ka na sa malayo,
Sa pagtalikod ko nakikita kitang kumakaway,
Ni hindi ko maisip kung paalam na,
O panibagong simula para sa ating dalawa.

Napakasimpleng bagay ng isang pagkaway,
Na bumabagabag sa isip ko kung ano nga ba ang totoo,
Magkikita bang muli kung saan tayo noon nagtagpo,
O ibabaon na sa limot at ibubulong sa unan ang lahat habang nakayapos sa kumot.

Dagliang sasagi sa aking isipan,
Ang mga matatamis na salita na binibulong sa aking tenga,
Yung sa pag tulog ko ikkwento mo sa akin kung gaano mo ko kamahal,
O di kaya uulit ulitin mo kung gaano ka nagpapasalamat na ako'y iyong nakilala,
Dahil binago ko ang takbo ng buhay mo,
Dahil pinatunayan kong may tao pang kagaya ko,
Na totoo,
Na may puso,
Na may pagnanasa para sa isip mo ngunit hindi sa katawan mo.

Biglang magdidilim ang lahat at makikita ko ang iyong mukha,
Namumula,
Nanggagalaiti,
Halos pumutok ang ugat sa kakasambit,
Ng mga salitang napakasakit,
Pero muling kakabigin ng mga bisig,
Na nakasanayan ko nang sa aki'y kumikikig.

Nagmimistulang saranggola,
Na sa ere'y inihitya,
At unti unti tinutulak palayo,
At tinatangay ng hangin,
Papalapit sa mga ulap at malapit ng maabot ang langit,
Biglang hahatakin pabalik gamit ang lubid na nakapalupot sa aking katawan,
Para saan?
Para ulitin kung ano ang nakasanayan.

Kaya para saan ba talaga ang iyong pagkaway?
Mamaalam ka na sana,
Dahil parang araw na sumisilaw sa aking mga mata.
Ang sakit tingnan,
Pero alam kong ikaw ang magbibigay ng init sa nanlalamig ko ng mga laman.
Pero kailangan ko na sigurong kalimutan,
at muling mabuhay sa mundong,
Para lang sa akin,
At hayaan kang maglayag,
Sa karagatang ninanais mo.
Ace Jhan de Vera Apr 2016
I need you to tell me that everything
will be fine,
even if you believe otherwise.

Lie to me,
Protect me,
From all the harshness,
That's there is in this world,
Broken promises,
Unsung songs,
Unfinished stories,
Pretend that I can never be wrong.

Because even as a man,
I need to kid myself at times,
It's not that I'm naive,
It's just that I'd rather be a fool,
Than insane,
Because no one ever wins this game.
Where one plays checkers,
While others play chess.
Ace Jhan de Vera Mar 2016
You'll see me smiling,
As I walk down the streets at night,
Under lamp posts with my earphones on,
Listening to the music that have comforted me for so long.

I'd open the door to a convenience store,
I'd get myself some food and something to drink,
Probably a 6 pack of alcohol,
When people ask I just answer, "i have insomnia."

And as I open my hotel room door,
And place my grocery bag on the floor,
I take out my tv dinner and turn on my phone's wifi,
Scrolling up and down my facebook timeline.

Then I eat my dinner and turn on the tv,
Have a laugh or two about something on there,
I don't even know why,
But it's just that it's funny.

And then I open a bottle for myself,
Only to lose my smile and my laugh,
To ponder on what it is I have left,
To keep telling myself it's okay.

As I assume my fetal position,
And lay in bed before falling to sleep,
I can still feel the wounds,
The cuts that were so deep,

So I sing to my pillow,
The songs that made me smile,
All I wish is that people leave me alone,
And they stop asking why.

Because I'm all balled up with sadness and tears,
That I can feel my nightmares climbing it's way up to my throat,
Lacing my skin with dark thorns and spikes like a porcupine's
I don't need your pity, not a pat on the back, i just need sleep, it's just something I lack
Ace Jhan de Vera Mar 2016
And as I sit still within the crevice of this wall I made for myself. I began reliving the moments, the times when I was with her. When she would touch my face and giggle like a child. She would kiss me good morning to wake me up on lazy afternoons. I can still feel her arms wrapping around me as she began to cry and whisper to me last words you would want to hear from someone you love, "goodbye."

The moon said to me, "why are you sad? I've been watching you, all this time but this is the first time I've seen you like this. What changed?"

I heaved, as tears began to make its way to my face the words that broke the silence of my stasis, "she's gone. She left. She took her things and walked out the door. Walked out of my life. She said it was for the best. She always did know what's right and what's wrong. I fought for her to stay, but she was so decided on leaving that all I could do was let her go."

"Why are you sad then?" said the moon.

"I don't even know. All I know is that I'll miss her, every second of it. She drove me to into insanity at times, but hell I don't care. I just wanted her to be by my side. No matter what. She said she'll always be there. I don't know what changed. What went wrong, or what happened. It's just that, it's sad. That tomorrow I have to wake up, pretending she never existed. Pretending I never met her. Pretending I never loved her." As I dunk my sobbing face into my thighs. The thighs that were once wrapped around the woman I loved for so long in her sleep, in an eternal embrace that I need to forget from this moment on.

"Blessed are the forgetful for they get better even in their blunders." The moon said lastly, leaving me nothing but the silence of the cold summer night.
Ace Jhan de Vera Mar 2016
Can I tell you a secret?
I'm a liar.
Why am I telling you this?

It's just easier to tell strangers the truth,
Than people close to you because,
They don't ask questions,
They just nod their head and keep to themselves their suggestions.

Why am I telling you this?
I just openly admitted to all of you that I'm a liar,
So it's hard for you to think about these things if I'm telling the truth or not,
So what's the point of all this if I'm just lying to your faces.

Well ladies and gentlemen I'm just pouring the brandy to your glasses,
As I intoxicate you more with the lies that my sugarcoated lips can say,

An average person is lied to 200 times a day,
The most oftenly used lie are the words, "I'm okay."
Like when my mom asked me when my eyes all rubbed out from crying too much,
Or that time when I looked myself in the mirror and had to tell myself that lie over and over again just to get myself through the day.

With that being said I need to tell you one more thing,
My backyard is filled with skeletons of people that I have buried and skinned,
I keep their skins in my closet so I have one for every occassion.
I keep so many of them that who I really am just got lost within the confines of my closet.

I have worn so many that I have already been so comfortable in each and everyone of them,
I wear them so often that I have gotten so good at pretending to be someone else,
I have gotten so atuned to it that no one can tell that I'm lying,
That's why no one's chasing me around with matches threatening to set my pants on fire.

If I gave you a tour of my closet you'd see all the skins I wear as suits and it wouldn't surprise you,
That who's infront of you right now is just another one I wore for this occassion to fool you,
Then you'd see all the things I've been trying to hide,
I have gotten so good at it that I'm starting to believe in it myself,

I am starting to believe that I am those people,
That I am okay, that I am fine, that I didn't mean to lie but,
I just had to for the greater good,
I convince myself that I'm doing what's right when the truth is I don't know what it is I'm doing,

So yes, I am a liar, I admit to it.
But what I'm asking you is please,
Help me. Help me find out the truth,
Because I have gotten so good at lying that, I ask myself "who am I?"
Ace Jhan de Vera Mar 2016
I have troubles in telling you no,
Because no matter how hard I try,
My care still flickers in my eyes,
My consciousness captive by the hands of time,

If it were to be,
A ****** spring,
Spare me please but one thing,
My sanity, at least keep it intact,
In return,
Your soul I'll give back,

For no matter how I miss the scratches on my back,
I can no longer let you use me,
Tease me,
Toy with me,
Make me shiver,
For you are never again to be called mine,
I have to forget the taste of Eden's wine.
Ace Jhan de Vera Mar 2016
Kasabay nang pagihip ng hangin,
Nalagutan siya ng hininga,
Sa isang dalampasigan mula sa kanyang guni guni,
Sila muling nagkita,
Bibigkasin sana ng mga bibig na tumikom,
Ang mga salitang sa unan na lamang naibubulong,
Ngunit isinantabi na lamang,
Nilunok ang lahat,
Tinalukuran,
Tinakbuhan,
Ang mga nakaraang tapos na't di na kailangan pang balikan,
Na minsan kang naging akin,
Minsan akong naging iyo,
Ang diwa nati'y pinagdugtong ng mga labing itinikom,
Kahit sa mundong gawa gawa na lamang para sa aking sarili,
Hindi ko parin makita,
Hindi ko parin mahanap,
Di ko parin mailabas,
Ang mga salitang sana'y minsan kong sinabi.
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