Ace Jhan de Vera

Ace Jhan de Vera Feb 2020

Look at me,
Look at the ghost you have created,
The home you left for delusions,
Feeling as if the wall confined you.

Tell me, were all your words just empty promises
Sweet nothings to amuse yourself to see how far,
My lips could reach closer to my ear,
Did you even treat me as if I was dear.

You were wounded and bored,
I feel like those were the only reasons you clung on to me,
I gave you a safe space to dream, to live, to laugh and to cry,
And you thought you loved me, at that moment maybe you did.

But what happens when all the lights and glimmer are gone,
Now that you’ve realized that I am no shinier than the bottom of a glass you’ve grown so familiar to,
You’ve stopped drinking my words of advice as if they were laced,
You moved on to a shinier cup and with thoughts of better flavors.

Look at me and tell me what I’ve done wrong,
I am so tired of your excuses of you telling me that you just aren’t sure right now but you want time to figure it out,
I was once your ******* life woman, every word I uttered to you was gospel,
Now you treat me now better than how the jews have treated lepers,
All disgusted, dodging me as if I’m the **** plague,

All I want you to know, is that not everything that shines is gold,
Something new, will always grow old,
The colours you see right now will eventually fade,
You’ve left your artwork, to just paint things in gray.

Ace Jhan de Vera Sep 2019

Morning Coffee

Every morning when I wake up,
I make myself a cup of coffee,
Turn on my kettle and sit still in the corner of this dark room,
Thinking to myself, “it’s just another day.”

I slowly play inside my head like a movie on a loop,
Over and over and over again,
Days that I have woken up next to you,
Days where your face was the first thing I see.

I hear the kettle’s sound go off,
And I stand and pour hot water into a cold cup,
The way I would like my heart to be doused with your warmth,
Because I’m starting to feel cold like the coming winter.

I grab my jar of coffee and a spoon,
I stared at the sugar for a good second,
Thinking I might want it sweet today,
But on second thought I don’t.

So here I am at 6:30 in the morning,
Binge drinking on black coffee,
All I can taste since you left is nothing but bitterness,
Much like this cup of coffee.

So I try to pace myself,
Thinking maybe it’ll be okay,
That this cup will soon wake up from this nightmare,
But to no avail. It is my life now. Cold and bitter.

Ace Jhan de Vera Sep 2019

Tahan na

Tigilan na ang pagluha,
Wag sirain ang bagay na binuo mo,
Sa tagal mo nang humahara sa pagsubok,
Ni isa walang nakapagpabuwal sayo.

Madami ka ng naidilig sa lupa,
Ilang bulaklak na ang iyong napatubo?
Gamit ang iyong mga kamay,
Ang mga bubot ay nagmistulang mga rosas.

Hindi mapagkakailang mahapdi at masakit,
Ang ang bulaklak sa iyong hardin,
Hindi ka na makalapit,
Pero tandaan maari pa siyang pagmasdan
Kahit malayo, iyong alalayan.

Ngunit darating ang panahon,
Puso’y maghihilom,
Tatagan lamang ang dibdib,
Saluhin ang sarili gamit ang sariling bisig.

Kakayanin mo ito,
Wag ka pagagapi,
Kaya tahan na,
Wag hayaang,
Ang mga multong ginawa sa para sarili,
Makapasok sa tahanan pa.

Ace Jhan de Vera Jul 2019

Bella Ciao

I closed my eyes,
Searched my mind’s deepest corners,
Probing my fondest memories,
For that moment in time.

What have I missed?
Where did I go wrong?
Is someone else keeping you warm at night?
Or is my absence just so unbearable,
That you just decided to let go of it all together.

Whatever it is I bring,
It became so heavy,
That the arms that slowly pushed me up from the dead,
Got crushed under the weight of my dreams.

I can spend all day just thinking of everything,
But none of it will ever bring you back,
So maybe it’s time to give my eyes some rest,
The suitcases under them carry all my baggages.

So maybe it’s time to just,
Breathe out,
And let it go.
Bella, Ciao.

Ace Jhan de Vera May 2017

Untitled

"So if a tree falls in the middle of the forest does it make a sound?"

If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and nobody's there to acknowledge that it made a sound then, by premise alone it didn't.

To acknowledge that there was a sound there must be somebody there to accept said fact.

So on those nights that I in the middle of my sleep have had dreams of pulling you in and instead holding a pillow, did I miss you?

Those times as I walked by our favorite spots with our music playing at the loudest on my earphones as I am secluded from the world, tears started to roll down from my eyes unconsciously, did I cry?

And those time that I stayed up all night wondering, staring at the moon if you're looking at it right now as I am, my heart breaks, but no one's there to hear it. Did it really break?

Because you weren't there to acknowledge the fact that I missed you. You were long removed from my life but I still count the seconds that you're not here.

That I cried you a sea of tears mixed with my own blood and sweat from all those times that all I wanted was a sniff of your hair, the warmth of your hands, the smoothness of you fingers as you drew circles on my chest. You might as well have ripped it open and took my heart out and trampled upon it like a door mat to a home you once visited but left in a hurry.

And lastly, I still am too busy walking on tip toes having my glass heart impale me, having a hard time to move on amidst the destruction and the chaos you have left behind you that I am left to pick after.

So with all that being said, were you even here at all?

If I didn't acknowledge the fact that you existed, that I once fell in love with you, that I spent countless hours counting your hair, remembering every groove of your face, the feel of your waist and the weight of your thigh every time you rest it on me, will that invalidate uour existence? Would that mean I never met you? Would you just go and disappear from my life, from my heart, from my memory? Forever?

Ace Jhan de Vera Apr 2017

Pencil bookings

Sometimes it feels like I'm only pencil booked in people's lives. Everything just looms with uncertainties that you wonder if the next morning you wake up, will they still be there? Would you be etched within their memories? Or would you just be erased in a blink of an eye. The only thing that's beautiful about it is that, if they erase you from their lives all too often. You will start to make a hole in it. Even if they try to write your name on another page, or another chapter. It will never be the same as it was before.

Ace Jhan de Vera Jun 2016

Lullabies

i just hum myself to sleep at times. To the songs that my mom used to sing me to sleep to. I may be all grown up, but I still wish my mom was here to sing me to sleep. Especially on night where I'm not even sure what it is I do with my life anymore.