I took a deep breath
Ready to face the world
Suddenly strong
As this new girl

The waves of life
Will throw you.
The sea
Will drown you.
And the wind,
Will carry you places
You never meant to go.
Come darling,
Climb aboard.
Together,
We can stay afloat.

I
am
constantly
consumed
by
the
fear
of
being
forgotten

your fingers slide over my skin
like razor blades
burning on my wrists
struggling away
the weight of your body
collapses on me
you grab tighter
hopelessness penetrates me
as you do
finally i only can hear
your words that choke me
"you're mine now"
and lying beneath you
under the weight of more
than a body
i cannot muster a scream
because
i am trapped
i am defenseless
i am his

I find myself constantly replaying
the events of June 18th in chronological order;

"Goodbye", she whispers.
Then dial tone
I feel my fingers go numb
I drop the phone;
I try to carry my legs
to get to my car
to get to her house
to get to her room
to get to her
listening to music
and writing in her journal
because she changed her mind;
I scream
I call back
Voicemail;
I run to my car
I sob so hard I cannot see
the road
only red and white streaks;
Praying its not too late
Finding Hickory Bluff
Finding 213
Finding red and blue flashing lights
Spilling out of my car
Hearing a wailing woman
Hearing chatter from surrounding neighbors
Collapsing next to a sheet covered gurney
Screaming through asphalt covered bleeding hands
Hearing "goodbye" on repeat
Hearing the hum of a dial tone in my hears
Feeling myself slipping
Seeing black
Feeling nothing

(a.c)

How is it that the things we cling so tightly to are often the things we lose?

We spend so much time focused on a tight grasp
Careful to not let the moments, the treasures slip away
Yet somehow we look back and realize that our hands have been empty all along
That the tightened fist has been enclosed around air
Empty promises
Empty moments
Empty memories
No matter how hard we try to make it last
We realize we've wasted so much time preserving the moment
That we are devastated when it has passed
We did not stop
Savor
Breathe the moment in for all it is
And it is gone
Right through a clenched fist

We were so fixated on not letting go
That in our blindness
We forgot to take hold

All of these faces.
All of the lives around me.
Each holding a different story.
A collection of moments;
Strengths,
Weaknesses,
Triumphs,
And Failures.
All clasped delicately together
With one thing in common,
An unknown future.
All of these people
with  secret struggles,
violent pains,
or uncontainable joy,
Each with a past,
And each with a future.
Not one person
Knows what their future holds,
But no matter who they are,
There is only One
Who holds their future.

All because
Of one small mistake
Everything I once knew
Has become so fake

And now
I cant figure out
How to escape
When my thoughts are so loud
It must be too late

It seems
That something has died
I wish I could take back
Every time I lied

Forgive
But you just cant
Forget
Re-learning to love
But you're not ready yet

So now
I face it alone
All for nothing
I wish I had known

And then
I'll be standing here
Swallowing my pride
Shoving down every fear

Now I wait
For a thread of hope
That you might see this
And come running home

What I've built myself on
Is nothing but lies
And I'm left in brokenness
And empty cries;
The memories and truth
I used to know
Have faded away
Because you let them go;
I couldn't stand
Under what you knew
Drawing lines
You found what was true;
It will be too late when you see
There's not enough
Good in you
To erase the bad in me

Nothing good
Can come from darkness
I have learned this the hardest way
I searched and grasped to see his face
But in the darkness he got away.

Nothing good
Can come from darkness
I didn't know where to look
From every angle I felt a sting
And my innocence was what he took

Nothing good
Can come from darkness
And now I've a price to pay
Maybe if he had seen my face
He would have walked the other way

Same ol' story
Same ol' place
I've found myself
Falling from your grace
When time runs out
I'll still be here
Waiting like this
Was my biggest fear
Losing you
Has become real
I've become so broken
I can't seem to heal
You're out of love
And out of time
I did what I could
But you're no longer mine

All I wish for
Is to be called beautiful.
To hear those rare words
Pass into my ears
And sink into my soul.
I yearn for the sound
Of those words
Because maybe
If I hear them
I may be convinced.

There is pain behind her smile
There is torment in her eyes
All have the power to see
Few have the desire
To look