How is it that the things we cling so tightly to are often the things we lose?

We spend so much time focused on a tight grasp
Careful to not let the moments, the treasures slip away
Yet somehow we look back and realize that our hands have been empty all along
That the tightened fist has been enclosed around air
Empty promises
Empty moments
Empty memories
No matter how hard we try to make it last
We realize we've wasted so much time preserving the moment
That we are devastated when it has passed
We did not stop
Savor
Breathe the moment in for all it is
And it is gone
Right through a clenched fist

We were so fixated on not letting go
That in our blindness
We forgot to take hold

I
am
constantly
consumed
by
the
fear
of
being
forgotten

I find myself constantly replaying
the events of June 18th in chronological order;

"Goodbye", she whispers.
Then dial tone
I feel my fingers go numb
I drop the phone;
I try to carry my legs
to get to my car
to get to her house
to get to her room
to get to her
listening to music
and writing in her journal
because she changed her mind;
I scream
I call back
Voicemail;
I run to my car
I sob so hard I cannot see
the road
only red and white streaks;
Praying its not too late
Finding Hickory Bluff
Finding 213
Finding red and blue flashing lights
Spilling out of my car
Hearing a wailing woman
Hearing chatter from surrounding neighbors
Collapsing next to a sheet covered gurney
Screaming through asphalt covered bleeding hands
Hearing "goodbye" on repeat
Hearing the hum of a dial tone in my hears
Feeling myself slipping
Seeing black
Feeling nothing

(a.c)

your fingers slide over my skin
like razor blades
burning on my wrists
struggling away
the weight of your body
collapses on me
you grab tighter
hopelessness penetrates me
as you do
finally i only can hear
your words that choke me
"you're mine now"
and lying beneath you
under the weight of more
than a body
i cannot muster a scream
because
i am trapped
i am defenseless
i am his