sometimes
i
dont feel
like
hiding
at
all

sometimes
i
like medi
tating
but
i
still
fall

back into bliss,
back into eclipse,
something in the air
puts me down

i get surround
when i get around
apocalypse is here
this is how it feels

empty
something
bad days
good nights
empty
and tight
bored days
good nights

sometimes
sometimes
bad days
good night
sometime
sometime
bad day
good night

My dreams
they're of no substance
my mind
lack of abundance
a wife
with no husband
a mind
full of crushing

a mistake
and all i do is ache.
and all the love there is
is fake.
please make no mistake,
there's no risk to take
all i do is ache
and live life with a straight face.

wish i could be erased
my past, i have faced.
i've moved on with grace
looking back at this place
please make no mistake
there's no risk to take
all i do is ache
have no love nor hate,
all i do is ache
no food on my plate.
i make no mistakes
all i do is ache
it's all i do now
only way i know how
as my life drifts awake
all i do is ache.

all i do is drift
a spirit in the mist
you just cease to exist.
people who reminisce
me of you

oh i will die this way
with no love to take
no love or no hate
cause all i do is ache
let the words free way
go the way they weigh
heavy like a cake
all i do is ache

Life is a crushing void,
an emptiness on my mind.
The loneliness fills me
and completes me,
so much to the point
I don't even need to
commit suicide.

You,
are
a black light
in the distance
I just
want you
to run your fingers
through my well of tears
and actually see me
beyond
the shells
I grew over time.

You can't tell
but when
you love me
through words
you don't
directly say it,
it subtly
makes my soul
so happy.

Like God,
I give you
so many tests
and I thought
you passed them all
before your disappeared.

I write
my "greatest"
works
when I am in love.

I fall so easily,
trying to fight
against the strong currents
before
they roar
and crash onto me.

I suffer
in silence
holding back
the tears
and ****** screams
built up
behind my throat.

The feeling
of being
over consumed
by the pain
every day

during this moment,
during this time
i feel hopeless,
but i cant cry

all im waiting
on is time
ive been waiting
all this time

for the saving,
im craving
restoration
of my *** drive

exploration
so i can thrive
in the saving
of my life

and caving
of the crime

for the saving,
im craving
restoration
of my *** drive

and blaming
anti-aging
young,
and forever alive
all i
ever
wanna do
is live and thrive

for the saving,
im craving
restoration
of my *** drive

I have not talked to you in four years. Sometimes I wonder if you're dead or not. Some moments I miss you a lot. As I grow into who I am, I think more about what we are. The longer you are gone, the more I realize how unique and different you are. Or maybe you just brainwashed me so badly that I can't see other people for themselves. I only look for you.

I wonder what you're doing or thinking right now. You just disappeared from earth. I want to have someone fill in for you so badly. To cure my aching desire.

Why does everything I love have to get lost?

There are some people, who I will never meet anyone like them. But they don't give a **** about me. But I can't forget them. I can't have anything I love. It never stays.

I can't have anyone I love. They never stay.

for me,
things are getting real low,
things are getting real low
i bleed
and i'm going real slow,
and i'm going real slow

it's strange
i randomly pictured your face,
your hair, your eyes, your waist
and then hid a little story i made

my feelings grew
as i made it public
i took it back
it can't be published

every time i go
you aren't around
need you to hold
me safe and sound

i just need to see you
i lost faith in my ex,
and i'm never having ***
my mind is too complex

i just need to see you
it's a false kind of love
i don't know how i feel,
don't know how to deal with girls

am i romanticizing cause of the trauma?
no, it's real, it's really really real
my mind denies it
all the attention

my ego likes it
but i hate it
acting like
i really do

want you to be my girlfriend
it's like
true and false
only when i'm far away

but when i write little notes
in the books that i give
and you do a mousey stare
the memories feel

as if im falling in love
although it wasnt there
bought to the surface
now with different eyes

on me
different eyes on me
i don't know, ****,
all i know

is that
i need
somebody
and these things
are
appearing to me

for me,
things are getting real low,
things are getting real low

i bleed
and i'm going real slow,
and i'm going real slow

i need
to see you now though
to see you now though

i am constantly searching
for a connection
just anyone,
similar to him
a bunch of replicas
i attract
and attach to.

never the real thing.

i am constantly
just always
searching for my mother
replacing her with men
in hopes
that they will love me
and nurture me
like a woman will

i want my ex
i like his skin
and his hair
and his face
and his body

i listened to his voice
replayed over and over again
i love everything about him
the good, the bad
the ugly..

just a taste of him
from any man
is addicting
i'd do anything
to fill the space
he left inside of me

there's something magical
about a resemblance
he makes me feel
a spark of life
in a sea of darkness
like a bright star
in outer space

he drives me insane
and now
everything i say
is feeling a bit fake. . .