she probably heard me
talking
fighting
flirting
screaming

she probably heard m
chatting
blasting
my metal
music

and when i get out of here
i can
finally
be
alone

then
no longer
worry
about
someone

listening

inside of a blissful heaven
where we are both naked
i want to gently
touch the side of your face
with my palm
and look into
your deep brown eyes
and wrap myself
around you
like a twisted vine
i want to love you
i want to
feel your pain
and your pleasure
i want to heal you
i want to feel
the radiation
of stress
and pain
to leave your body
and flow into me
and then
out of the both of us
i want
to become so
close to you
that i can't tell
the difference between
who i am
and who you are
i want us to
transcend this realm
and become light
a 21st century
adam and eve
i want
to bite into
your bright red
shiny apple
and when i kiss you
i want it to
****** you inside
i want whoever
you thought you were
to shatter
and i want you
to pull me in
so close
so i absorb
everything you are
and after
a long stare
i want to move
my hands
up and down
your body
like a smooth earth
a fair marble
and run my fingers
through your hair
not caring
who sees
not caring
what they think
and just consumed
by pure
epic love
wrapped
so tightly
so bound
locked in place
to never
untwist
EVER again

i'm not rational
i'm insane
but that is the nature of life
i push back on my intuition
because it just doesn't seem right
if only i could lose my mind
to the point where my heart would unwind
then i can travel through time
to make all my choices align

love isn't rational
love isn't reasonable
sometimes love is ****** up
but in the end we're brushed up
into a pretty painting
of two people lovestruck
i give no *****
i can't live without us
we will end up together

someway somehow
and it won't make any sense
you don't make sense anyway
you're white
i'm black
you're static
i'm magic
you're older
you're colder

i'm raging
i'm begging
i'm loving
you're cruel
i'm honest
you're a liar
i'm bold
i'm confident
you're fake

you're afraid
no matter what the difference is
no matter what you become
i will love you in your darkness
and bring forth light
i don't care how much you hurt me
it'll be alright
because like god i'm forgiving
i'm powerful

and illogical

tonight
it's all you
and you should know
that when i speak
from first person
point of view
it's all you
no one else i love

your essence is
four thousand words
you make me feel free
like a thousands birds
sprung right outside
of their cage
i'm filled with love
and filled with rage

you're the bleeding sun
into my plasma ocean
i'm hot inside
and wet below
and it's as if
our souls are handcuffed
because i can never
let you go

all my pain
was all you
all my joy
was all you
all my love
was all you
i can't fall but
i fall for you

sleepless nights
was all you
constants fights
was all you
flight or fight
it's all you
but it's alright
cause it's all you

it's just you, baby
i love you, baby
telepathy, maybe?
you drive me crazy
i talk in my head
we been talkin' lately
all my thoughts are just one thing
it's just you, lately

you're the one who made me
you really know me
i'll be all yours
cause you own me
and you took so much
so you really owe me
i take it all back
you don't even know me

you know me like
random words on the page
you know me like
a blossoming flower
every stage
you know me like you know the USA
but can't name
every single state

i know you so deep
i know you, like cuts
i know you, like love
i know you, like trust
i know you, like friendship
i know you, like lust
i know your bad instincts
i know your bad luck

i know your secrets
i know your pain
i know what you've lost
and what you could gain
i know your thoughts
i know your lies
i know your truth
you know you can't hide

you know my heart
you know my head
you know my anger
you know my sacrifice
you know how deep
my passion goes
sometimes i want to ease you
and take away your woes

we know we're hurt
we know we're broken
we know we watch
but haven't spoken
it's an itch
inside of our throats
i want to sink
inside your boat

let's just sink baby
swim into brain waves
i want to syncronize
i want to go to your place
inside of your head
inside of my mind
we both have fantasies
that can become real

in this lifetime

i want you
to know who i am
i want you
to see my dripping colors
the melted rainbow inside me
i want you
to see my ugly red raw rage
my beautiful deep
blue love
my green forgiveness
and sympathy
my purple
rational thinking
my logic
feel my point of view
like a prism
and i want you
to hear my voice
when i sing
i want you to
listen to my songs
and i want
your real
opinion.

all i want is
to listen to music with you.

twisty achey thoughts and voices in my head
do all the talking and as i look within
the lines of my skull have thousands of lips
giving me gentle kisses
they keep talking
i keep crawling in these desert sands
and i'm sinking into the abyss
i am a hologram full of noise
i'm going back into the earth
i will slowly be destroyed
if it's not by the sound
i'll be drowned out by their constant talking
the journey is long
in this desert sun they're stalking
it's way louder than a whisper
in my heart i feel a blister
so sharp and cold they make me shiver
even as i'm melting down
the echo forms a surround
if you heard it it would hurt
i'm going back into the earth

whatever the world is,
i'm the opposite
i'm an angel standing
on top of a white light
underneath the soft earth
and into the twightlight
my foot is halfway
in the word of fireflies
and i split my conscious
in thousands of lifetimes

i'm the opposite of happiness
i'm the opposite of fear
although closely aligned
yours is yours and yours is mine
i'm enmeshed with my flesh
i am raw and i am fresh
i'm a mix, i'm a twig
off the giant tree of yggdrasil
c'est so facile
rolling down a hill

i'm the ****
i'm the hunt
i'm the opposite of what they want
i am damage
i am green
i'm the root and i'm the seed
i'm a product of society
and carve my life out of stone
i'm enmeshed with my flesh
i am raw and i am fresh

i'm the blood, i'm the bone,

in your head i'm all alone

but deep inside you really know

i'm not the opposite of home

break the floorboards
and sink into
the salty deep
abyss

let the mouth of the earth
swallow you whole
you will learn
from the sink hole

lean into it
when it hurts
feel into it
when it burns

fall into it
when it shocks
let it come through
as you rock

lean into the misery
sink into the tears
grow into the gray
grind with the gears

get mashed
get trashed
and just bathe
you're a slave

to your perfection
natural selection
you crave
to lean into it

leashes like a matryoshka doll
you rip one off but you're still a dog
sit next to la plage
my mind filled with fogged
it's a sunny day
but my life is a swamp

do i have an addictive personality?
my obsession carries over from one to the next
the sessions and season happen without reason
my mind is criminal treason
i betray myself
i just can't sit still

i hate my life, i try to escape
these men dissapear like smoke from a vape
i'm running around a hall of mirrors
in the end i'm always alone
playing this stupid game
there's always more, and they're all the same

being used like a toy
of course it's by a boy
cause they're minds are so feeble
they get brainwashed by physical reality
and i float out of my body like a ghost
into duality, individuality

i split up
i sit up
i spit up
i'm a baby
i'm *******
psychotic
neurotic
and crazy

but of course i change
unlike before
you thought you knew me
now there's more layers under the surface
so peel me away
and see my rotten core

you know your sins will always resurface
there's always more
buried away
your little secrets
are in my brain
and it seeps through like pain

i'm bleeding sweet nectar
THERES ALWAYS MORE OF IT
THERES ALWAYS MORE of it
THERES ALWAYS MORE of it
THERES ALWAYS MORE of it
THERES ALWAYS MORE

i love when my life feels like i just snorted 60 mg of crack
and all the stress is lifted off my back
like pushing off a giant piece
of a 70 foot story high apartment

my brain bursts bubbles
in my ears they go 'pop'
and the colors feel more vibrant
i want none of it to stop

but the high only lasts 5 minutes
until the trigger is set
then the bullet hits my head
and soon i start to forget

i go back to sorrow
bleeding into the morrow
digging into the marrow
buried into a burrow

being shot with an arrow
when the highs turn to lows
it's like the death of a pharoah
and i'm deaf to the metal

i fall soft like a petal
and now they're pushing the pedal
instead of the breaks
when the highs turn to lows

i crash myself awake

i'm slowly figuring out
in the ****** puzzle of life
that taking my own
isn't worth it all

the story unfolds
and the ugliness spreads
like a cancer, a mold
leaves side characters dead

and now that i'm alone
i've started to grow thorns
i'm a mutilated rose
filled with envy and scorn

i'm healing all alone
i'm a ******* med
i'm taking my pills
and eating my bread

in gematria i'm jesus
in my mosque i'm a ghost
in your head i'm a parasite
in my mind you're a hoax

we're two sides of the same coin
good and evil are exploitative
don't judge the nature
don't try to destroy it

i'm slowly figuring out
in the ****** puzzle of life
that taking my own
isn't worth it all

i can draw your name in the bathroom
and **** on it in the stall
i can rise like a tide
like a tsunami i can fall

i **** on your parade
and still taste like lemonade
and fight my own battles
and heal my own wounds

my mentally illness after all
is only in my room
i can destroy the world if i wanted to

i'm back
and i'm better
and i'm hotter
and i'm wetter
i'm dripping like a soaked sweater in the rain
the sweater of a dead body
whose cells are filled with pain
she don't feel it
she was drowned

i'm back
and i'm hotter
than a sauna
an oasis
love
such an illusion
it'll **** you slowly
before it makes you stronger
i've almosted killed myself 4 times and can't take it any longer

my back
it's turned
the bridges
are burned
the lessons
are learned
the spells
are made
it's your time to pay

you follow
my rules
you obey
my rue
is too strong
to ever break
i'm the best
risk to take
i'm the most underdiscovered gift

i'm a monolith
i'm  a poem
i'm a rebel
i'm a stoic
i'm a tribe
i'm heroic
i'm demonic
i am loving
i am what history is becoming

My stage stands strong in my head
my sorrow song sings in the noon
my beautiful mate is soon to swoon
we kiss underneath a full moon
i can't wait till i'm rich
i can't wait for the fame
i can't wait to make something out of nothing
and rub it in their face
i can't wait to show off
i can't wait to have it all
i can't wait to wreak havoc and make the whole world fall
at my knees
and the birds
and the bees
will sing all for me
i'm the queen
of the ring

frozen tears melt for the first time
i wonder what i was in a past life
feeling myself with germy hand
intestines and blood and raw, her hand

i remember plenty of faces
and instead of trying to slaughter all
i need to find love from other places
power is gained by spreading your aces

play the cards right
i will stay strong till the hours light
i will stand strong to make it all right
love is healing, is our right

everything will be alright

There is no tomorrow

The present holds you closely

and with all your sorrow

it stands near to you mostly

avoidance, a parasite

and you are the host

you rely on the morning star

to gift you a bolt

when will we die?

we don't know

we rely on what's comfortable

days going by

one by one

sooner or later

death will come

i feel the decay
i look so pristine
i can't describe the grime
i call my 'feelings'
i'm heavy all the time
a cloud of burden
and with hopeful eyes
i gaze at the window
my body and bones is aching for sun
my cold empty heart
is aching for love
whatever you give me
is just not enough
i'm a modern zombie
in a healthy mold
tears pulse through me
just like blood
i mean nothing
no one reaches out
i breathe, and move,
yet i still doubt
that i am alive
being alive is a feeling
and it's foreign to me now
ever since i got bitten by a dracula
i'm rotting inside, a black hive
and wasps in my dreams
when life is a dangerous virtual reality
i get lost in my dreams

they take so long to become real

when i awaken
with a fresh mind
the machine
revvs itself up
i spend my days in isolation
a wasted life
just ignore
the voices in your head
they'll all stop
when you'll soon be dead
in this world
it's **** or be killed
all the darkness
has to be filled
with daemons

when you're at rock bottom
a crystal cove
climb your way up
or imagine broom stick

let's be weird witches
far away in the forest
give you little kisses
and complain about hens

let's drink from gauntless
and find springs of water
to have steamy showers
over and over again

we're unnatural but natural
21st century divine
this is what our ancestors died for
and now is our time

people feel
and i feel
and they like the fact that i am real
broken barbie bruised skin
beautiful without, beautiful within
if you are abused with awareness,
spread your truth if you aren't careless
our minds are all that's left, old minds are all that's left

this world is a crooked fantasy
bent broken rust with busted teeth,
yellow, crooked, and miss-sized eyes
narcissists and ***** prizes
hurt people hurt people
and i don't care at all
if you don't learn from hurting me
it's another fist straight to your jaw

cause self-defense is different from abuse
and we haven't all healed
so please be gentle with the language that you use
and the soft truth will be revealed

all we really need is love
and to love each other
because that 10 out of 10 perfect Ken,
is so ****** up inside
he'll use you over and over again
coming and increasing his void

and everyone feels pain
but you still have a status
and you don't suffer like us at the bottom
so please humble yourself
give us **** poor beggers some shiny coin
with your face pressed into it

i'm going to create for myself
in my dystopian little world
inside my head, i'm a little girl
toes pointed in a dance
and our romance can last forever
cause when love works
and love is happy
it really is a fairy tale
have you ever seen a fairy's tail
wiggle when she's happy?

scrappy, scrappy
everything is so ******
so i take the metal
and make me a drum
i can cook up some trash beats
and feed my people
and dance to the music
i need my people

this is what poetry gives me
a community
i can be a weird outlet
years of weird words
that somewhat rhyme in my head
and others like it
somehow
im so fantastical
it's all to me
like a song that doesn't rhyme
but makes me feel so good

people feel
and i feel
and they like the fact that i am real
broken barbie bruised skin
beautiful without, beautiful within
if you are abused with awareness,
spread your truth if you aren't careless
our minds are all that's left, old minds are all that's left

i will always love you
always forgive you
and never forget you

because you are my best friend

reading love poems
is like someone
slowly injecting me
with acidic poison
and screaming into my ear

"YOU'LL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT!"

feels disgusting
and weird
i feel jealousy
and fear
grabbing me by my neck
and shoving their sewage
garbage gutter love
in my face

why do i gotta look at it?

i dont know what ****** god brought me into this world
but i often hate him for it

i am still alive
and if i wasnt
you wouldnt know

i am that person you abused
i am that person you never loved or cared about
and i still exist
and i remember what you did to me
every single day

and if i did ever die
i would be at peace
because finally for once
i exist in a world
where you don't.

and i don't have to live
with your memories.

i dont have love
so it makes all the pain
and the turmoil
seem worthless

because in the end
i still didn't get what i wanted

even though they all used me
they ****** off to me
they masturbated to me
im the one
who feels
so *****
so guilty
so disgusting
im the one who feels
sick to my stomach
im the one
who hates my body
im the one
who feels the ick
im the one
who feels worthless
im the one
who takes the blame

i can not control
those who abuse me
i cant not control
the pain
i can not control
my misery
i cant not control
the past
but i still live
i still exist
despite it all
i still flourish
i always thought
the point of my life
was to get revenge
to burn
all of them
who used me
to burn them in my head

but now i realize
i can tell my story
because life
is like a book
with words
constantly being written
and the story
of your life
has to be told

it is an awe
that i am alive

i realized
i am many
and they have
different writing styles
all my selves
different worlds
imaginations
words
which is why
i keep
coming and going
i can't   be
who i was
5 years ago
she was
the beautiful
one

and
now
im
broken

into
a
thousand.

musical symbols rumble me
my teeth grind to the beat
the words are made of astral magic
the sentences gently carry me off my feet
i'm light, and blight, the blight,
i'm an angel now, with a little crown
you squinted your eyes on me from afar
bang
. . .bloodlust and stars
lyrical dna being, playing like an instrument
that's just me and my being and my soul
i am a faint yellow and blue, i am a shadow
and these songs inside my head will take me somewhere
someday

two roads, a glistening ***** tan
in my dreams, my skin is white, a different avatar
a fair little angel of light and pixie dust
innocent, not full of lust
not like my dark real self
i'm not black, i'm all the colors
always an entity among others
feeling so scary, so lonely
cause they don't understand me
i wasn't met for this grassy outer space disc

lyrical dna being, playing like an instrument
that's just me and my being and my soul
i am a faint yellow and blue, i am a shadow
and these songs inside my head will take me somewhere
someday
i'll evaporate light speckled pure pixie in
a glass bottle to heaven
flowing my way to the top
through the golden milkly heaven oceans
turned to river and feel filled with love and distilled
into nothingness pure god form air
onto the rocky hill
and i'll heal

let me imperfect
let me be wild
let me be a-crazy-little-19-year-old-child
let me be rotten
let me be impure
let me be the dead ocean bodies under the shore

are you shore?
that you want this
i'm  ilmy ickly bicky tricky little slime
i'm halfway dead and halfway alive
i'm a sharky starky darky quiet little trick
i'm the melted candle with a burnt wick

****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..

let me be *****
let me drool
let me crave,
let me break the rules
let me be your slave
let me run
like stale blood
in the winter sun

are you shore?
that you want this
i'm a germy little squirmy little cut up worm
i live in the dirt and sleep in the grime
i'm a slimy little limey little blicky flicky bug
let me chew on your marrow
and **** on all your blood

****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..

let me on my journey
let me be cool
let me be different
like a pink *** mule
let be myself
let me be you
cause i say the things you say
and do the things you do

****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..

our species
is so ******
smeared all
in feces
i got a soul
and existence
ima burst it open
like a diamond
my dreams are dark and intense
my goals are sharp and immense
my pain is heavy and dense
will something ever make sense?

i'm just an earthly alien
with some mitochondria
i just wanna blow guys up
i'm just different

what's inside of me
that they really want?
i'm the prey
and you're on the hunt

high level healing modal
productivity busyness mouse
i'm sick and tired of this house
and the earth is filled with trash

i'm just an earthly alien
with some mitochondria
experiencing major traumas
don't know what it's all about
until i'm ******* dead
till' then I'm just sick in the head

just a slither of cake
honey drowsed
i felt elated
as i browsed
no self control
i'm too aroused
and you're the kind of guy
to stay around
to lie to me just a litte more
cause all you think's is that i'm a little *****
just a slither of your "love"
is enough to fuel me up

it taste like honey
you only want one thing from me
you got me believing how this is men are
i'm crying in my room alone
shivers through my body
the tears are heavy
and i'm asking god why, and why, and why, and why and why and why..

just a slither of cake
honey drowsed
i felt elated
as i browsed
no self control
i'm too aroused
and you're the kind of guy
to stay around
to manipulate me just a litte more
to just use me a little more
cause all you think's is that i'm a little *****
just a slither of your "love"
is enough to fuel me up

revv the engine, load the gun
then go and tell everyone
that i'm not the one you love
tell that ***** i'll push and shove her
but before i do that, i'll fall first
i'll jump off a roof and die
even if i don't, at least i tried

i'm a litte snake

following them around
cause i really love their sound
it's not an obsession,
but it's just the start..

can you feel my pain?
it's driving me insane
the way your pretty make up
changes my heart

i wanna sleep next to you
i wanna *** you
it's so hard to listen to your music now
cause i need you to be with me
the way you make me feel
behind the screen

you're the hottest celebrity
i need you to have *** with me
i want you to be with me
in my dreams and fantasies

when i was crying
i swear to god
you were talking to me through the music video
in my endless sobs
and my ex really hurt me
and my ex is gone
but that pretty *** makeup
is turning me on

hot online celebrity
im losing my integrity
i made fun of people
for being those kinds of fans
but the way you do it to me
musically ******* me
i know it's my hormones
i don't think that i can
control them anymore
cause i'm so alone
im about to text you
on my ******* phone
and just beg you
baby please
i've got a demiurge, a craving,
you for to feed

just **** me
in that
SICK ***
SWEET ATTIRE

you sing to me
so perfectly
and i'm on fire
your casting spells
and your witchcraft is working
on me

i'm gonna believe
i'm the only one
oh please
kimmy

come to me kimmy...
come to me kimmy
COME TO ME KIMMY
COME TO ME KIMMY!!!!!

life is a sad movie
where you slowly die
from the inside out
and all the bad memories
flash in your head
as the years go by
you kind of wish
that it would go by faster
because there's nothing good to remember
and nothing good that awaits

my therapist hurt me
my friends hurt me
my partners hurt me
and god hurt me
so now
who do i have left to turn to

mindcontrolling parasite
im in your head
its painful for you
but **** to me
lets cooperate
in this te-le-pathy
its a little ikkle dance
and a bitter acid romance
nothing about it is sweet
'cept the taste of your meat
and the way your heart beats
in tears out of fear
cause you know that i'm here
watching you like a ghost
cause' i never disappear
sick sick sweet love
so so serial
i'm a ****** up void
in human material
mindcontrol


come


to


me


now

this P    M  S
made me a m e t a l h e a d
i feel like him and i feel like myself
we bleed as one and it feels so fun
for my double ego to melt

i want us to be combined
we're already both so aligned
i wanna melt in your blood like ice
sleep in your darkness like a lice
in your hair at night

i feel so devine
as i bleed
and i touch heaven
as i leave
with my ****** hand
and bad deeds
i feel so alive

i don't write for fun
when my germy fingers hit the keys,
i say "this is the one"
this is the best thing coming out of me

you are the one
the coolest grime
the dirtest blood
the grittiest slime

you're mine,
sometimes i possess you
and in my life
you know i'm obsessed with you
it's a competition
i always tried to best you
be your best self.
be the best you.

you put such a cruel mixture
within me
of hatred, love, and envy
and ****** desire
and blood, and lust
and dirt, and bones,
and bodies, and dust

cause' it's gettin' so old
and i'm gettin' so old
too old for this
or so i'm told
i'm still young
but i bite my tongue
because sooner or later
i'll be lyin' on my death bed

and you're a cruel mixture
that killed me
that poisoned me
and distilled me

Part of what makes me so attracted to you
is the feeling i get of nostalgia
of what it felt like to be myself
before you ripped me to shreds.

and i know we both feel
the highs and lows
the sweet sugar crashes
and i'm so addicted to you
but so afraid
that maybe you'd put
the magical rollercoaster at a halt.

i'm insane,
and it's all in my head
but when i feel that nostalgia
i really wanted you

a flash, a *** scene,
of hot steamy love
flashed in a head
for a second.

I was too young
for you
to be telling me
you loved me
when really
all you wanted
was a quick *******
and that girl
you cheated on me with..
you did love her
somewhat

but me
you never
gave
a single **** about me
you treated me like i was nothing
but a fly
perstering
you stupid
turmor filled
cancerous head
and 5 years later
i still hate you
just like i hated you
4 years ago.

i hold your image
inside of me
and burn it
inside my body
and i want you
to feel
all of my hatred
and all of my tears
i want you to feel
your burning image
like a witch
being burned
at the stake
i want you to burn too
i want us to both burn
you and i
are both in hell
and i'll never
let you escape
as long as i live
and i'll never let
any of your minions
escape your wrath
and even if i go down
i'm taking you with me
and i'm
never
ever
stopping
until
you
rot
and
die

i see eyes in the dark
i feel tears behind mine
i keep everything in
like a drunk
with the alcohol
in his liver
the world
in my head
is a flimsy hell
and this earh
we live on
is a flimsy paradise
you gotta build bricks
of scorching magma
to climb your way out

Miserable

I don't want to see
the way you ignore me
after you use me
after I pass your thoughts
like I'm not alive
like I'm nothing
I want you
to delete
everything you wrote
I want you
to write poems of misery
of how guilty you feel
and even in those feelings
you're still
a selfish ***
*****.

blasting music in my ears
having triggers for some years
the same guy its the same guy
its not the same lows
or the same highs
i think i'm in hell
in earth i see the same sky
but not all that well
someone blast me with a bullet
someone stab me with a knife
my thoughts are getting darker
and i'm not acting very wise
i kinda like the fact
that it takes every part of me
to take myself a part
and create a new life
i'm giving birth to myself
over and over again
dying in a hospital
as a clone, a copy
when they do a biopsy
they'll see a bunch of gods
grouped together
i might blast myself
with some pills
tried to do it
tried to ****
when you blocked me
the 400th time
we're opposites
but the same
twin flames
barbed wire
melted   a bit.

Now nobody knows my name
before I bleed I turn into the darkest version of myself
it was fermenting inside of me
when you tortured me mentally
you didn't know what you were creating
so godly you are
so disturbed
transferred it to me
your disease
and now I'm a figment of your imagination
I'm the shadow in the blade
always stalking
always watching

Feeling like a black slime
is it criminal,
if in my room alone?
and no one is here to see
my mom wonders
what's wrong with me
she gave birth to a deviant
and I can only deceive the world for so long
there's nowhere I belong
I should put it in a song
sitting here, starving out
at least I'm healing slowly
thinking about if everyone in the world was dead
judgement day, coming now
hell and heaven, coming down
nothing left to do
but
die
and go to hell
I'll burn forever
for not praying
I'll burn forever

death is a peaceful slumber
death is a painful end
death is a deep depression
death is at the bottom of the ocean
death is the solution to my problems
watching my body decay
broken and abused memories
this is not a place i want to say
tears fill my body
i'm headless, my throat is slit
i have things i can't say
and things i won't admit
my thoughts are ghostly demons
slicing me in half
but all that comes out is blood and tears
a salty, runny bath
no one to turn to to
nowhere to run
in my fantasies
we become one
i feel the sadness
evermore
and on the earth
i don't exist
i turn to dirt and bones
so no man will ever hurt me
and i die in the earth, alone
deserted as i always was.

i love you death...
i love you so much...
i am in love
with my pain
and my sadness...

i live in the past....
never to see the future...
of what my life would become...

i never do it for me
i want to be free
so i can run back in your chains
and we can call it love
i can be your dove
trapped inside a cage
i mix spells and potions
raising commotion inside
just so that i can see you
magically appear in my life
i never do it for me
only do it for you
stuck in a wave, in a wave of loving you
never do it for me
only do it for you
i'm constantly pushing shoving you
i want you back
and sometimes i want you bad
i never did it for me,
only did for you
stuck in a wave, in a wave of loving you

locusts in my throat
for years i couldn't figure out what was wrong with me
it festered inside my head
thousands of voices
simulating schizophrenia
the irritation
the regret

all i had to do
was use my voice
and say The Things I DIDN'T SAY

i'm a bird
i'm a gazelle
with eyes full of fear

I'm the ocean of tears
I've held back for so long

I am pain
I am loneliness

I can't live right
I'm a hermit
in this house

i'm a bird
trapped in a cage
too small for it

i'm a great mind
living in a swamp
of shallow people

i'm a black hole
shifting directions
every day

i'm trying to make it
even though i don't see a way out.

you are a void
you are love
you are a parasite
inside of me
whose hunger never stops

you are
the single cause
you are
the only reason
and you have
so much power

you wanna be the king of hell?
well, feel free to rule my world
because i'm in hell every single ******* day.

i must be a satanist then
because you are god
and I've spent the rest of my life trying to replace you