i will always love you
always forgive you
and never forget you

because you are my best friend

reading love poems
is like someone
slowly injecting me
with acidic poison
and screaming into my ear

"YOU'LL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT!"

feels disgusting
and weird
i feel jealousy
and fear
grabbing me by my neck
and shoving their sewage
garbage gutter love
in my face

why do i gotta look at it?

i dont know what ****** god brought me into this world
but i often hate him for it

i am still alive
and if i wasnt
you wouldnt know

i am that person you abused
i am that person you never loved or cared about
and i still exist
and i remember what you did to me
every single day

and if i did ever die
i would be at peace
because finally for once
i exist in a world
where you don't.

and i don't have to live
with your memories.

i dont have love
so it makes all the pain
and the turmoil
seem worthless

because in the end
i still didn't get what i wanted

even though they all used me
they ****** off to me
they masturbated to me
im the one
who feels
so *****
so guilty
so disgusting
im the one who feels
sick to my stomach
im the one
who hates my body
im the one
who feels the ick
im the one
who feels worthless
im the one
who takes the blame

i can not control
those who abuse me
i cant not control
the pain
i can not control
my misery
i cant not control
the past
but i still live
i still exist
despite it all
i still flourish
i always thought
the point of my life
was to get revenge
to burn
all of them
who used me
to burn them in my head

but now i realize
i can tell my story
because life
is like a book
with words
constantly being written
and the story
of your life
has to be told

it is an awe
that i am alive