We see each other through
A glass wall
Its fragile,
I know it all
The things you did to me
The lies you said
And fake apologies
Messages unsent

Things left unsaid
Cause all you do is hurt me
You dont deserve me
You only desert me
And I lash out at you
For everything you did
But you know thats its true
I know what you hid

I know your secret

I know your lie

I know you seek

I know you spy

I know your pain

I know your weakness

It keeps me up at night

Nows the time
To seek me out
If youre thinking about it
Come see me now
Your name, I shout
Inside my head
Heres the green light
Just go ahead.

when you left me
i longed for you
every single day
as months passed by
and i cried
and mourned
i was torn
i was defeated
knowing you wouldnt come back
not wanting to believe it
i waited
and waited
and waited
everyday more painful than the last

and i choked on my grief
hope was all that was left
but i couldnt stand the belief
that you were gone

its making me sick
i feel so empty
i want to go back
to the time
before you murdered
who i was.

i lost my self
i lost my religion
i lost my life.

i lost you.

and when i was with you
that's when everything was perfect.

my life has been a downfall
i did not want to live anymore
but here i am
despite it all
not killing myself.

but the road ahead
is IMMENSE suffering.
it takes all my strength
to go on like this

living imperfectly

i am alive

and this sick,
nerve wracking,
perfectionism
is deeply rooted in me
like a ****.

i am living!
i am alive!

with a deep void inside myself
an internal hunger
oh god, why do i do it?!
it eats me up
its a black hole

so far
living life
has not been worth it

yet i fight
for no reason.

if i give up
what good would that do?

maybe
just maybe
i'll have the power
to make it perfect
all over again.

I hate it
I am
A perfectionist
In the worst way
Possible.

Trying to go
Back in time
To restart my life
And make everything perfect.

Trying to fix other people
And make them perfect.
I dont know
How to stop.

I dont want to be
Who I am.

A life full of tears.

Does it break you
To imagine me
Crying all night
To make the pain stop?

I cried myself to sleep
And woke up depressed
Like a block on concrete
Upon my chest

I questioned God
And begged him to make it stop
I rotted away in my bed
I felt like I was dead

For months, I felt empty
And I couldnt eat
My whole body was numb
And my heart didn't beat

No one saved me
No one helped me
And it left a void in my chest
I keep trying to feel

Im detached from reality
And nothing is real
Theres gaps in my memory
Some parts are blank

I'm mentally ill
And have you to thank
You broke my heart
And broke my soul

You made me feel worthless
And I sacrificed myself
I ditched my own God
To worship you

I was unconscious
You destroyed me
And everyone thought
It was funny.

My moods are unstable
It took years to gain control
Like navigating an ocean
When your ship is full of holes

It all went to my head
It would painfully ring
When words couldn't be said,
The migraines would sing

I need you so bad
That I wanted to die
You make me so wet
And without you I'm dry

Without you I'm nothing
I'm simply your slave
I'm addicted to you
You're all that I crave

I let you abuse me
Until I lose my mind
And the monster within me
Developed within time.

I wanted to ****** you
With all of my heart
The light within me
Shadowed by the dark

I fantasized about it
Your blood on my hands
Your body an object
That I control

The light and the dark
Is what makes me whole
You ruined my life
You tortured my core

And now I don't know
Who I am anymore.
By going within,
By exploring the deep,

I know who I am.
Inside me it sleeps.
The person I am
Is you.

i feel like all the pain i held onto is releasing itself like a tight, sore, overworked muscle