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Anger is not real
Just a combustion
Of different colors
A bomb
Of pain
Sadness
Stress
Trauma
Bottled up
Emotions
Exploded
Inside me

All at once
And my anger
Tells the story
Of everything that came before
And put together the ragged boat
That hit tall spiky rocks
And drowned under tsunamis

The confusion
Emptiness
Loss
Trying to figure out
My way through life.

People tell me I'm mot,
But I am alone
When I am down,
No one will pick me up
No one will save me
When I am lost,
No one will find me
When I cry,
No one wipes my tears
When I am heartbroken,
No one will mend my heart
When I am alone,
No one will ease my solitude.
When I am at my worst,
No one will love me

That's how I feel about you
When you hurt me
When you lied to me
When you insulted me
When you used me
When you manipulated me
When you made fun of me
When you broke my heart
When you made all of it my fault
When you told all your friends
You were cutting me out of your life
When you called me a ******* monkey

And now you wanna be friends?

I have nothing left to feel
Theres no more tears to cry
I am always in a rut
Trying to carve my ******* way out
And I am angry
Yes, im angry because im black. Yes, im angry because im a woman. Because im sick and ******* tired of this ******* i have to go through every single ******* day. I hate this stupid misogynist racist world i live in. I wish the world didnt exist. I WANT OUT. I hate my ******* life
now that I think about
I never felt comfortable
in my own skin
I think people
overreact to how dark I am

I'm blind
to my own skin color
cause when I look
at myself in the mirror
I see a thousand words
and I don't
see myself
and my image
feels like
a snapshot
it's an illusion

I'm not seen as a person
not really.
I am a lot of things
I am deep

I am so many words
that I'm indescribable.

And I am secret-
no one knows who I am

So please
don't invalidate me
when I tell you
that no one
loves me.
when i was younger i
wanted to be like you

but now i want to just
go back to being myself
everything was perfect
before i brainwashed myself
to thinking you were

i did the things you did
i said the things you said
i trashed the core of my being
to fill myself with you
and now that's left me empty
feeling like trash
feeling used up

i feel like the color gray
i don't know who i am anymore
i can't trust what you say
i slowly get better day by
day i ignore the dismay
and fill myself up with
sunshine so that i am happy

with my life in a strange way.
i am almost fully grown
although my soul is poorly sewn
there is not much that i own
i'm myself when i'm alone
i don't feel at home at home
in this lonely house i roam
i am not that girl
i am a whirlwind
i am a model
i am the engine
i am a throttle
i'm a magical trapped spirit
i'm a genie in a bottle
i am darkness, i am sad,
i am depressed, i am mad
but i am not that girl
that girl you once had
my innocence has run dry
my naivety is buried
over layers of affairs hurried
my brain is slightly scurried
my vision is kind of blurry
inside of the reflection
i am becoming human
lost touch with the connection
of the essence of what it meant
to be a child
i had no protection
a victim of erections
from boys that scour the internet
their mouths foaming wild
but i am not that girl
who is young and naive
and easily manipulated
i am not that girl
who is desperate
i am not that girl
who thinks she is worthless
i am a similar girl
but a different girl
i am not that girl anymore
i am
lonely
hurt
sad
broken
but i am
strong
i have a will
i am older
i am wiser
im
a little
more mature
i am slowly leaving
my past behind
because
i am not that girl anymore
they appear
like giant black specs
in the corner of my eyes
peeking behind doors
hiding under beds
they are our fear
we do not feel
they are the pain
we shove, hide,
and push away
they are the black holes
in our minds
idk. just a little something.
Id rather dig my grave and have a place to stay, rather than wandering around aimlessly
Someone please tell me what pill I can take
So I can die painlessly
I dont ever think ill heal from what you did,
Our love is a child that died young, and never got a chance to live

Hunger feels like emptiness
Is it in my stomach or in my soul?
Either way, id feel empty
The loneliness swallows me whole
Everything i have is worthless
Everything i want is far
You dont know you left me broken
Burning inside like a star
I wish i could **** myself
Just to stop feeling this pain
But ill just go to hell
And life after death would be the same

Id rather dig my grave and have a place to stay, rather than wandering around aimlessly
Someone please tell me what pill I can take
So I can die painlessly
I wish that i could be happy, and live life shamelessly
I dont ever think ill heal from what you did,
Our love is a child that died young, and never got a chance to live
Ill never have love
happiness is not chemicals running through me

or lustful desires

happiness is simple

happiness is not hedonic

true happiness comes after a long day of work

when all those things on your to-do list is finally done

and you get to relax

I feel so happy
feel so satisfied
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