twisty achey thoughts and voices in my head
do all the talking and as i look within
the lines of my skull have thousands of lips
giving me gentle kisses
they keep talking
i keep crawling in these desert sands
and i'm sinking into the abyss
i am a hologram full of noise
i'm going back into the earth
i will slowly be destroyed
if it's not by the sound
i'll be drowned out by their constant talking
the journey is long
in this desert sun they're stalking
it's way louder than a whisper
in my heart i feel a blister
so sharp and cold they make me shiver
even as i'm melting down
the echo forms a surround
if you heard it it would hurt
i'm going back into the earth

whatever the world is,
i'm the opposite
i'm an angel standing
on top of a white light
underneath the soft earth
and into the twightlight
my foot is halfway
in the word of fireflies
and i split my conscious
in thousands of lifetimes

i'm the opposite of happiness
i'm the opposite of fear
although closely aligned
yours is yours and yours is mine
i'm enmeshed with my flesh
i am raw and i am fresh
i'm a mix, i'm a twig
off the giant tree of yggdrasil
c'est so facile
rolling down a hill

i'm the ****
i'm the hunt
i'm the opposite of what they want
i am damage
i am green
i'm the root and i'm the seed
i'm a product of society
and carve my life out of stone
i'm enmeshed with my flesh
i am raw and i am fresh

i'm the blood, i'm the bone,

in your head i'm all alone

but deep inside you really know

i'm not the opposite of home

break the floorboards
and sink into
the salty deep
abyss

let the mouth of the earth
swallow you whole
you will learn
from the sink hole

lean into it
when it hurts
feel into it
when it burns

fall into it
when it shocks
let it come through
as you rock

lean into the misery
sink into the tears
grow into the gray
grind with the gears

get mashed
get trashed
and just bathe
you're a slave

to your perfection
natural selection
you crave
to lean into it

leashes like a matryoshka doll
you rip one off but you're still a dog
sit next to la plage
my mind filled with fogged
it's a sunny day
but my life is a swamp

do i have an addictive personality?
my obsession carries over from one to the next
the sessions and season happen without reason
my mind is criminal treason
i betray myself
i just can't sit still

i hate my life, i try to escape
these men dissapear like smoke from a vape
i'm running around a hall of mirrors
in the end i'm always alone
playing this stupid game
there's always more, and they're all the same

being used like a toy
of course it's by a boy
cause they're minds are so feeble
they get brainwashed by physical reality
and i float out of my body like a ghost
into duality, individuality

i split up
i sit up
i spit up
i'm a baby
i'm *******
psychotic
neurotic
and crazy

but of course i change
unlike before
you thought you knew me
now there's more layers under the surface
so peel me away
and see my rotten core

you know your sins will always resurface
there's always more
buried away
your little secrets
are in my brain
and it seeps through like pain

i'm bleeding sweet nectar
THERES ALWAYS MORE OF IT
THERES ALWAYS MORE of it
THERES ALWAYS MORE of it
THERES ALWAYS MORE of it
THERES ALWAYS MORE

i love when my life feels like i just snorted 60 mg of crack
and all the stress is lifted off my back
like pushing off a giant piece
of a 70 foot story high apartment

my brain bursts bubbles
in my ears they go 'pop'
and the colors feel more vibrant
i want none of it to stop

but the high only lasts 5 minutes
until the trigger is set
then the bullet hits my head
and soon i start to forget

i go back to sorrow
bleeding into the morrow
digging into the marrow
buried into a burrow

being shot with an arrow
when the highs turn to lows
it's like the death of a pharoah
and i'm deaf to the metal

i fall soft like a petal
and now they're pushing the pedal
instead of the breaks
when the highs turn to lows

i crash myself awake

i'm slowly figuring out
in the ****** puzzle of life
that taking my own
isn't worth it all

the story unfolds
and the ugliness spreads
like a cancer, a mold
leaves side characters dead

and now that i'm alone
i've started to grow thorns
i'm a mutilated rose
filled with envy and scorn

i'm healing all alone
i'm a ******* med
i'm taking my pills
and eating my bread

in gematria i'm jesus
in my mosque i'm a ghost
in your head i'm a parasite
in my mind you're a hoax

we're two sides of the same coin
good and evil are exploitative
don't judge the nature
don't try to destroy it

i'm slowly figuring out
in the ****** puzzle of life
that taking my own
isn't worth it all

i can draw your name in the bathroom
and **** on it in the stall
i can rise like a tide
like a tsunami i can fall

i **** on your parade
and still taste like lemonade
and fight my own battles
and heal my own wounds

my mentally illness after all
is only in my room
i can destroy the world if i wanted to

i'm back
and i'm better
and i'm hotter
and i'm wetter
i'm dripping like a soaked sweater in the rain
the sweater of a dead body
whose cells are filled with pain
she don't feel it
she was drowned

i'm back
and i'm hotter
than a sauna
an oasis
love
such an illusion
it'll **** you slowly
before it makes you stronger
i've almosted killed myself 4 times and can't take it any longer

my back
it's turned
the bridges
are burned
the lessons
are learned
the spells
are made
it's your time to pay

you follow
my rules
you obey
my rue
is too strong
to ever break
i'm the best
risk to take
i'm the most underdiscovered gift

i'm a monolith
i'm  a poem
i'm a rebel
i'm a stoic
i'm a tribe
i'm heroic
i'm demonic
i am loving
i am what history is becoming