dear baby bro,

i miss you so much. so much so
it doesn’t hurt anymore.
i keep trying to be everything bahi wasn’t to me
i think about my approach
i had a dream two nights ago
you came up to me
and said you can’t ignore me
anymore
i got so excited
and squeezed you so tight and
even though then you said this doesn’t mean
things are the way they were before
and suddenly it didn’t
not hurt anymore
i still had you to hold.
and the holes felt whole

i know i have to reassemble
what i broke.
and if it turns out your heart’s
missing a piece
because of the peace
my negligence broke off
just know
right after i’m through
putting mine together
my heart’s yours

sat next to the man with two phones
i asked him to hold my hand
and he laughed  

sitting in his ‘96 civic
for three hours we fell asleep
till six since three

he’s one of the many men
whose substance
far from the moral field
leaves many men with little substance
and you and me victims
of victims of you and me

he’s the type who feeds fiends
and he’ll keep making a killing
off children we perceive
as grown men and women
living to **** themselves
it’s how he makes a living

don’t him you belittle
for you are no different  

i know the thought makes you livid
you wish he was lined up and shot with the likes of him
but your white lies are their white lines
and the front lines in his line of business
so you would lie alongside and
wrong right
where you were digging

as far as i’m concerned
he’s not a man without substance
and one of much substance
one of few and far between
and certainly could you defeat

because while you let savages ravage me
he held my hand for free
and never demanded their standard fee
of an arm  
and a leg
and everything in between

.

i am my arch nemesis
my soul: sole
object of my affection

can you patch it up
my dreams are stuck
and it’s been a nightmare
given they don’t give up

fix it.

each bead it chips fell off
and smothered the chip
on my shoulder to dust
i’ve become cumbersome

like father
like sons
like my lust
for their love
and our love
for lost blood

cantankerous

dear mom
it’s your fault
i miss you
i wish you knew
each piece of each
morsel of my heart
beat
more than these pieces of paper do.

they embody my body
language
scattered
sporadic
mislabeled
man and mishandled
like me with
the three i
speak fluently
incompetent and ineffective
ly. suffixes that suffocate me
as ***-backwardly i
awkwardly demean
when i mean to
seek through them the
clarity
you misperceive.

i couldn’t tell you
why i’m me
or how i came to be
the part of we
you’d rather
weep over
as does one
with the dis-ease
of a disease
that precedes
the deceased.

weep not over me justifiably
just
if i believe
it’s not i
you bereave.

-

WEDNESDAY JUNE 27, 2018
02:04 AM

this bathroom floor tile
knows me better than you do
you slid through
and the caution
slippery when wet sign
you took is the only
difference between the two
pictures in the funny papers
mercury and magazines
now we’re all victims
and more confused
you refuse to breathe the life you took
back into me
like my restless tears refuse to keep this filthy floor clean

he can’t stand me in the daytime
then with the sunset so does his fight
and i see the sadness
in his eyes
that along with mine
elopes to pause time
hoping to intertwine  
yeses and nos in our minds
back and forth
swinging like see saws
south and north
sing me to sleep
with your arms
till the grip of your palms
lets me in peace
rest
like i so often
dream

-end