he embezzled thousands
of me
endlessly
dressed in no
skin
resembling
white sheep

the wolves insist
it’s not him
incessantly
investors with cheeks
pen checkered checks
and i bleed

their flushed flesh
left me
and for a full year
i sat and still weep
overfilled till deep
i pressed down on me
to let my heart beat
me free as those tears
i now let leak leaps

the shepherd believes
he breeds herds of meals
who tell him they teeth
on sights of him meek
i hear him repeat
this isn’t me

a bitter pill
is better sweet
reality
is bittersweet

perhaps i’m him
and he is me
and all along
the wolves
were sheep

misspelled
what i meant
so well
my cell
saw no reason
to check
choke
child*
who am i
to protest
synonyms

believe me
even my best
most seemingly sweet
intentions have stemmed
from seeds i can’t stress
as less than selfless
at best

why care.

or claim
i can’t wait
for it to end
yesterday felt
the same

and what’s tomorrow
but yet another today

happy to be sad
wouldn’t it be different
were i to be indifferent
if i have to have happy
as nonexistent
and haphazardly
corner myself in between
apathy and agony
not in-distant
i’m insistent  
that if neither
and each must
be me
for me
and to me
i’m happy here
with indifference

to try
without fail
never is to triumph
always is to fail

without fail.

i can't live down
how i don't live up
to the level
of love

i compete
with a she
i can't see
and that
they won't show me

so instead i leave
and them to grieve
and me to dig deep
the grave
for when
the grave
agony
lets me leave

please

let me leave

push me to the edge of my seat
sit me on the tip of my tongue
tilt till i trip to spill brims i overfilled
creaking on the verge of pent up tears
and brinks of insanity that ceased to be

i freed the fear
and felt my fleeting feet
flee to defeat
the feat of defeat

as days i see
decrease
and time on me
decrees
indefinite sleep
in peace
i for once and finally
can rest
at ease
deceased