i am what you see
a product of he and she
the me of which you dream
your sealed eyes set you free
i agree
alternatively  
is mere reality
evil  
ecstasy
and all eclipses in between
are revealed

sleep
stay where you lead

i too will stay
but here
as I am
all along
then and now
i have and will be
standing  right
here

move along
once i’m gone
i won’t long
to thaw my palms
or arm my thoughts
with warmth

i want more
than to move
calloused hearts
up in arms
like mine
in arms
cup my palms

frozen
purple

all but my heart
but always at war

i can feel the crazy kicking in
kissing scrapes
my victim's suffering
scared shitless
shivering
splitting
like time
circling
around me
like rings of sharks
coming back
at once
for seconds

the ends of my hairs
are second guessing
their ends
like i do mine so often
wondering when
it’ll finally happen. extinction
the extent of my right
to expedite its presence
and whether i’ll be alright
feeling cheated
and leveled
knowing there’s no
hell
but there’s also
no heaven.

the thing that distorts reality
till reality distorts my love for
it

i don’t follow
and won’t lead
if my dreams
chase after me
at night
i won’t lose

no sleep
and i will feel free
aimlessly seeking the street
sign so no one sees
dimly lit lights live

where nightmares strip me
of all i claim to be
then embrace my body
followed by me chasing them
when they threaten to leave
i claim to tease
when on i still lead

in reality
they know all
that i am
for them
my reality
is the dream

if i die today
and you
and the rest
are okay
with us estranged
then i’m ok
and the rest
of my days
will lay safe

my winning wrists
insisted i don’t resist
their dire desire
to emulate
nooses

it used to be
a mere fantasy
but the notion
of perpetual sleep
has won me over

i drag my silhouette
pretending all is well
like drags from my cigarette
i'm cancerous to myself
we're both just smoke
and slaves to myself

i love him too much
perhaps he was right
though he was wrong
about only one thing
Him

i fall asleep
and wake to tears
that torture me
i can’t take one more night
i won’t take one more day

so i will take it all away

tell mama she was always right
goodnight.

maybe i don’t deserve to be stable
my mind always did love wandering
yet somehow
it never embraces changes

needless to say
the thin veil crowning my brain
faded
when i replaced it
with red pins and needles
but one too many
led to sudden and mass vacation

after all my hard work
hours of painting

bars
the pillars of our cages

i always did love to wander-
lust was taking my saneness  
i left a piece of me behind
after every visitation to strangers
and i wonder how it is today
that my thoughts take me nowhere

when they’re in a million different places