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absinthe Oct 2017
if i die today
and you
and the rest
are okay
with us estranged
then i’m ok
and the rest
of my days
will lay safe

my winning wrists
insisted i don’t resist
their dire desire
to emulate
nooses

it used to be
a mere fantasy
but the notion
of perpetual sleep
has won me over

i drag my silhouette
pretending all is well
like drags from my cigarette
i'm cancerous to myself
we're both just smoke
and slaves to myself

i love him too much
perhaps he was right
though he was wrong
about only one thing
Him

i fall asleep
and wake to tears
that torture me
i can’t take one more night
i won’t take one more day

so i will take it all away

tell mama she was always right
goodnight.
absinthe Sep 2017
maybe i don’t deserve to be stable
my mind always did love wandering
yet somehow
it never embraces changes

needless to say
the thin veil crowning my brain
faded
when i replaced it
with red pins and needles
but one too many
led to sudden and mass vacation

after all my hard work
hours of painting

bars
the pillars of our cages

i always did love to wander-
lust was taking my saneness  
i left a piece of me behind
after every visitation to strangers
and i wonder how it is today
that my thoughts take me nowhere

when they’re in a million different places
absinthe Sep 2017
see
God
get me out of my own head
please
keep me out of my own way
i
stay awake to fall asleep
pray
i won't see the day
i see

but the week/weak
never cared
just like me
till today

today
i see
absinthe Aug 2017
i lie to him
he lies to me
side by side we lie
till i fall asleep
and he leaves

he always knows
never to come over
unless i need to heal
after his hands beat me
but better yet
he always knows
to leave when it's all over

so when the sky turned over
as did i when i rolled up
so lonesome and more broken
and less so because this morning
i had his rough hands controlling
my thoughts to claim i caused it

i hold them both to console us
and all fours know that i'm sordid
i hear him calling my phone
his tone shows me he's been gone

my nightstand dead men
show me it's over
and now i can't lie
or stand being sober
  Aug 2017 absinthe
saint
-5/11 5:48PM-
I’m sorry, goodbye.

-5/11 7:03PM-
I miss you.

-5/11 11:54PM-
I miss you.

-5/12 12:02AM-
I miss you.

-5/12 12:23AM-
I miss you.

-5/12 2:34AM-
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you. I miss you I miss you i miss you I miss you.
I love you.

-5/12 7:15AM-
I miss you.

-5/12 6:44PM-
I miss you.

-5/13 8:12PM-
I miss you.

-7/03 1:31AM-
I loved you.

-7/26 5:16PM-
I miss you.

-12/31 11:59PM-
I miss you.

-01/01 12:00AM-
I
miss you.
absinthe Aug 2017
the venn diagram of conscious decisions

to drink: achieved through a state
of self-inflicted unconsciousness
rapid.
pleasurable.

to think: achieved through a state
of self-imposed consciousness

slow

tortuous



the overlap: interchangeable
two means too fatal
in reality
insanity resides in the latter

i may be a sadistic cynic
but i am no *******  
i'm too selfless
or selfish
synonyms....

do clichés not instigate
infinite plagues

so why put off until tomorrow
what yesterday
could have hypothetically
assassinated all
my future-former sorrow

it would have been excellent then
to begin embarking on my end
though it's ok
i hear they also state
that never is never not better than late
and how i love to double up
on shots and my many
mesmerizing negative mind states

thus
once the ex exits
what next best exists  
than the first
if not its successive fail
the second in line
and what time most prime
to quit
more so
than me
while i'm behind

**** a sober mind.
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