i'm slowly digesting
the reality of you.

i still think of you
when i'm drunk.
i still stare at your number
in my phone,
my heart trying to convince
my brain to dial,
but my brain always winning,
reminding the heart
of how that number has
hurt you and hit
you and made you ashamed
to be who you are.

today i'm not ashamed
and i'm not afraid
and i'm not angry,
not unforgiving
not naive
not sad.
not even a little
bit.
not even at all.

whiskey is my boyfriend.
he's never clingy,
never demanding,
never threatening.
he keeps me warm at night,
and throws my problems
in a little locket i keep around
my neck.
"let the morning deal with those,"
he says,
and i never object.
why would i?
whiskey and i have been
friends for years,
but i never knew how much
i needed him until the courts stepped into
my life and stuck a **** cup under my ******* ******
with a small time bomb that
has lasted a year but
feels like a millenium.
nine more days and i think
i'll tell whiskey we need a break,
just some space.
nine more days until i can
reunite with mary and molly and all
those delicious bitter pills that my nostrils
have missed so much.
i'll always love whiskey,
and i know he'll always love me,
that's why he won't be mad
when we part.
he'll just wait for me,
he always has,
and i imagine he always
will.

Who are you, again?
I saw you once when I was drunk,
Who are you, again?

I'm drunk again, just
Like I was when we met.
Who are you, again?

I want to meet you when I'm
Sober, but I know that wont happen.
Who are you, again?

I miss you, just like
All the girls miss you.
But it's a little different this time,
Because we both know who we are.

You're a player,
I'm a player,
We're both taken by other
People,
But we will always hold
Each other,
Even when our special halves
Leave,
We'll always be there
For each other.

Who are you, again?

when i saw you,
lying there,
in that black box,
where you would sleep forever,
i though you were asleep,
but i knew better.

people came,
people cried,
people smiled,
but only for a while.

and when everyone left,
even me,
i still felt like i never really
said good bye.

mom says i'll join you
soon,
if i don't change my ways,
i say i'm too smart to lie
in some big box forever.

although sometimes i long
to lie in some big box forever,
maybe the trees and flowers would
have time for me,
if i could sleep forever.

i came home,
drunk,
per usual.

what else is there
to do,
in this forsaken world.

i tried to wake you,
but your body refused to be
disturbed.
i understood.

so now i'm awake,
drunk,
lonely,
and sad,
trying to figure out,
why i'm blessed with you,
when i don't even deserve you.