my life is one big joke,
and sometimes i think i'm
the only one
laughing.

people frown at my life,
say they fell bad,
say they wish they could
help,
but i don't know why.

humans take life so seriously,
but i don't know why.
i think this life is all one big dream,
one big lie,
one big movie,
and all the people i know
are the actors.

none of this is real
to me.
my life is one big joke,
i laugh so hard i almost choke,
when i think of my life.

i think of you at night.
when the world gets quiet,
my thoughts get loud.

you occupy my mind.
i drown in memories of you
every ******* night.

the way you smell,
the way you taste,
the way you feel.

you're what i think about when i'm trying to sleep,
why i can't sleep,
why i never
sleep.

your face floats around my mind,
day in and day out.
like lingering cigarette smoke in a room
with no doors or windows.
i want to ask you how much you're paying
for that space in my head,
but i now you wouldn't understand the joke,
and i'd never hear the punchline.
i'd only feel the the blow of your words as they knock me
flat on my ***,
just like they always do,
just like you always do.
there's something about you i'm so insatiably drawn to,
and maybe it's the fact that i can't have you,
or perhaps it's because i can't remember what i see in you,
and i want to find out what it was.
you smoke pills like it's your job, you drink like a fish,
and you're hardly interested in me.
only when you're totally wasted do you want me;
and not one second sooner.
****, this poem is ****.
It's just word *****.
I don't even know how to say what i feel about you.