Him.
The light I see in the stormy abyss that is ever changing.
I want to be poetic but to be honest
I just love the reality of it all.
The sweet sound of his voice at 3 a.m.
The tickle of his curly cued brown mane.
The way my heart sings whenever I feel close.
I have lived in the way of the isolated for so long
I have forgotten the euphoria that comes along with love.
I had given up on adoration long ago and now
I find myself finding things I would think you would like
The idea of us correlating throughout time
The way of us finding each other each time
You You You
You are the one I feel.
And I just ramble when thinking of you
God I don't even know what I'm saying but
I know, this beaten and bruised heart
is forever yours.

Your name sits on the tip of my tongue,
Along with bitter aberrations
Of love and loathing.  
Your name  commingles in my veins,
And tips my stomach
Like a tugboat in a hurricane.
In the years I have grown,
I have been shown the difference
Between the good and the bad.
I exhausted the arms on the clock
Arranging daisies of adoration
In the souls of those who were rotten.
Even the one I thought was impeccable
Has placed me on a shelf of old seashells
And bottled ships.

I know it's wrong to love the wicked
but when you lit that cigarette,
memories of poison lingered in my nostrils.
My poison was stripped away from me,
when I realized that,
although smoking and drinking masked my negligence,
I was never a friend to you.
And I miss the days where the ones I loved,
the ones I called my friends,
would venture with me.
I spent the last five months of my life
with a lack of sobriety and compassion.
And I adored the addiction.
Now that things are settling back to the way
they were in the summertime,
I have become restless.
For you cannot resist the fuel of a wild heart.
They will crave and crave the things that are wrong for them.
So maybe that's why I ended it.
Because I kept running away from you.
From my responsibilities and
as it festered in the dirt,
I grew daisies out of my cold corpse.
For I felt alive.
Just for a ******* moment, I felt alive again.
So here I am,
lying on the bathroom floor in your arms.
Scared to let you go, reluctant to come back.
Stuck in a purgatory between love and loathing,
desiring the poison I fed myself
to keep me from dying.

"If you could erase a person and all of the memories that come with them from your mind, would you?"*
Memories of you flood into my head,
Into my lungs,
And I begin to drown.
I don't write about you often,
I don't like to remember you.
It makes me feel as if I made a mistake.
An awful, horrid mistake.
As if I stripped the beach of sand
As I washed away your name
On my lips
With alchol and watched
Your face evaporate with every
Puff of smoke.
Oh how I hate that I still love you.
Others touch me and
it only brings me back to you.
I've had better days
But the nights are the worst.
I've spent each night
Drenched
In tears and sweat
From the sweet words
You used to leave in my ears
Like flowers left on gravestones.
God I love you.
If I could erase my mind of you,
I would never
For you and I grew together
Entangled in each other.
We were one beautiful book
Bound in laughter and sleepy eyes.
But one day that book withered away,
Becoming two completely separate
Novellas.
I wish we never parted.
I'm so sorry.
I would never wish you away.
You asked of me, one thing.
To never leave you behind.
I promise you,
You will never be
Just another memory.

My mind is colored with red and blue
stereotypes.
All that spills from my mouth is mundane.
Unrequited love,
depression and disappointment
all so self centered.
Yet, if I were to ask
"What do you love to read the most?"
your eyes would light up
at the idea of fairy tales
and love.
But what is love?
Some say it is the best and worst
but love is a feeling
and I'm not one for feeling
anything at all.
So to that I say
I wish I could rip out my heart
and bury it away
from the world and it's monsters
but that would be expected of me.
And oh so unoriginal and plain.