You leeched me away from myself
When I’d just walked away from a blade.
The evidence was disappearing…
Now it’s back with a vengeance.

Half sight is half understanding.
I sat on your floor and ate your promises.
Recognised the soul tie
From my thousandth year of research.

I was out for blood…
Yours was running from a tap.
Lapping it up, it fuelled me with melody
Till I couldn’t breathe

Couldn’t see
Couldn’t speak
Choked out but’s
Having believed your presence was love.

Suddenly the subway isn’t imaginary

You’re starting to understand me.

I put your muted words in a safe place

One I won’t speak of to anyone else.

Even I don’t know where

As long as I never lose them.

I’ll keep dying my hair while you die for the music

And when the time comes, I’ll ask

Is this the feeling in which we’ve been searching?

I don’t even know your star sign. But sure.

You’ll reply.

You make me feel less alone

You keep me getting on the train.

Speeding back to argue with you

To put you in your place.

Say my name as a goodbye

After ghostly anecdotes.

Dumb analogy’s

That have me bringing my knees to my chin.

Hugging myself, imagining it’s you

But you’re not imaginary.

Space boy.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I say as I proceed to rinse my hands clean of love.

The contrast between words and actions is strong, causes pangs in both parties’ hearts.

That’s not to say either of us have a heart… that leaves a lot to be desired.

We’ve been living in shyness
Staring each other down like the other will run.

But despite the want to cut the invisible string before it stings… I can’t.

You never caught my eye and we never kissed that night but even so, I felt an overstretching glow

That came in August, the bloodlust, the unexpected hook up

And you never know, it might not be love. Hopefully not love.
Hopefully the invisible string is enough.

Cause I don’t wanna hurt you
No, I don’t wanna hurt you.

Her heart rumbles
I could take her out for dinner
Same thing, same flavours
I’m in her taste buds
Licking her stains clean
Sipping lemonade, nibbling her skin’s pain
We’re feeding like vampires
Junkies, cannibals.

Her curves are mûrren
My chest burns at her slopes
The quiet drops
Of eyes, lights, breaths, death, heart, art
Fresh water fountains, her goldfish tongue
Coursing down my throat
Lucerne lift forever, grey hair together
Until the last rain of her beloved fall.

The shard overlooking my flat
Is a protector who vowed
to keep me starry eyed
As the night got quiet but not too quiet
I was at war at what it should be like.
It didn’t exactly feel safe but it was home
And now I’m not home.
I miss blending in with those who thought I was too tame and shy,
Striding through the traffic like a butterfly
On edge but excited.
Struggling artist, mannequins, rushing, drowning, dying, staying anyway.
It’s what I hungered for and I took it away
All because I’m alone
I didn’t know what to do…
And now villanelle’s bridge, my balcony, keyboard, the man near the sign of hope who looked like a rockstar…
it’s all close by but gone
My shattered shard in bits.

I wish I had medications
So my pain didn’t come out in excuses.
Everybody’s shy but me?
I wanna die.

No one understands complexities until they reach for a thousand years
Deeper, deeper and deeper still
And even then I don’t get a sympathetic ear.

Benzos: I learnt the name from a book
Not from the mouth of a doctor I saw a few times until the receptionist said
“You’re here AGAIN?”

My mum didn’t see the traits
Of every illness that clogged my body like arsenic… good job I couldn’t get hold of a lighter like everybody else could.

I’ve spun around my world so many times
At my big age I should know how to balance
But I still feel so weak
As if my legs will give way

Any. Second. Now.

I wish I could pop a pill
Line them up in little boxes
Save myself from drunkenness to mask the stuttering and shame

You KNOW the only way to prove I want to die…

Estranging

The sky is purple
And all I can do is think about how loud I was about you.
It’s raining but it’s humid
The page glowing, my heart growing
Piano and guitar signalling
That this isn’t gonna draw to a close
Any time soon.

The planes make their noise
Its passengers having no clue
About the girl beneath them
With her phone torch on as the light fades
Lilac to bluebell chemtrails
Lilacs to hell and betrayal
Not from you but from the elastic roads and estranging moon.

Boyish, boyish boy
So typical, you play guitar
The boring way
The boy way
The want my body way
You’re not the first to make me compromise
My learning with my ****
Brown eyes scoping Italy
Over my thighs, the ones you snap
Compare to yours
Knowing **** well I tried to starve them E string size.
You’ve got no lips
I’m kissing your cupids bow
Foul, foul morning breath
You take pride in not smelling
But you smell like rotting meat
Meat with hair, too much hair
Even on the back I’m supposed to scratch
And you call me awkward
Blood on my chest
I don’t know how you ******* dare
Grab my breast one more time
I’ll ******* **** you
******* boy.

The fairy times
We flap our arms like wings
We take off
Like the plane of other worlds
The plane that gives my ears pain.

Dreams I only dream here
Beds don’t give me imagination
Don’t make my legs shake
I read about snakes, tattoos of snakes,
Speaking of snakes back home

I admit I’ve never seen mountains before
The lift to the clouds
Is another dream but less pointless
It suits me, it engulfs me
It has me for breakfast left out on the road

It’s a walk in heaven
Bends, mends to my heart
Looking for the roots of my imprisonment
I find myself growing with the lilacs
Out of the belly of the cow.

Clarinets, harps, cellos
Delicate fingers on delicate strings
Snapping any moment
I want to be rough, want to be heard
My tongue is stolen, hands in my heart
Living there temporarily
While me, floating outside of my body,
Go from flat to flat
Man to man, woman to woman
Lesson to lesson
As I don’t know what to learn
And working is too disastrous for all concerned
I sing to ease the pain
I play to cure my brain.

Ghosts brush their fingers on ours
As if we wouldn’t notice
As if we wouldn’t be scared.
Sometimes I feel like I’m one of them
Or their enemy - robotic
Flashing, slurring, whizzing around
I have no heart to feel hurt with.

When he acted like I had killed him on purpose, I cried
I cried for what could’ve been, for the piano keys, for the honeybees.
He said he likes to torture me, I wonder if it’s real
A pretty man’s need to be seen….
With these fragmented eyes I cannot see.

When a boy slept in my bed
I felt like a hostage.
When a girl slept in my bed
I felt a *******.

He left marks on my neck,
A smell so repellent.
He was rotting in there
While girls give clean air.

His hair was long
But girls sing songs
Of butterflies and care;
Cannibalise my stare.

I see Sylvia like she’s here to console me
“Ariel, it’s gonna be alright”.
‘Death Note’ and undiscovered phantoms
Under a black cross, gothic chains.
The plants look dead but I have to water them, when they wither, I’ll get the blame.
Julia is silent - the headless woman…
I wonder if Caesar has hung her clothes on her.
This balcony is a world stage
Where I fight the urge to smoke,
Drain the dregs of these century old bottles
And I listen to the crowd of flat mates,
Neighbours, strangers… it doesn’t seem too loud anymore.

Eyes are enigmatic
Yet reserved, keeping their distance.
They can spot the nervousness
And devour it
Like they haven’t eaten in days.
It wouldn’t be hard to imagine
Too lost on the motorbikes
That fill this Tabard garden
Just like my anxiousness fills me
When I’m trying to just float through it.

Everything is circles,
I sit here for nothing.
Someone waved at me on a bus,
Maybe it’s you.
But anyone can be a shadow.
Didn’t realise I was near Leicester Square
Everything’s connected
Like veins, like bones in blood
I definitely feel lost in blood.
Concentrating on the unnamed protagonist’s year of relaxation -
How can you be in New York and just want to sleep?
I guess I get it, I’ve felt similar in London
But somehow I always end up dazed tying my laces, out too early or too late
In a trance on the tube.
Chatted up by guys who I say I have a smile of 1000 stars, who add me as
“Professional reader” in their phones.
I would’ve gone to Camden with the last one if I wasn’t waiting for you.
If I didn’t enjoy looking at pigeons,
The back pain, embarrassment.
Not caring how it goes,
I’d probably do it again, just be smarter.
Just like with life, my raven night.

I daydreamed on the subway
Through the screeching sounds
Of the metal on the metal.
I think about how fast it goes
How slow my days are when I don’t get on it.
I’m not very productive either way
But I like the sun on my back
And the rush of chameleon people.
Everything is industrial
Everything is lilacs on canals
It’s definitely something to keep on dreaming about, keep on dreaming about
Living in the clouds

Valentine years ambushed
You cupped my neck with a blade
As long as this jagged bridge you love now.
Even with the **** forming
I licked at it like monochrome cat
And well, the butterflies turned to bats
Radioactive and forcing me to retreat…
Slink into the night I came from.
You go back to yours, unashamed
But I’m at my absolute limit
Loving to dying to hexing to not caring
******* hell.
Now I’m writing that poem you wanted so badly - a retaliation to the machete
Hanging out of my throat
Because if I suddenly lose my invisibility powers, no gouging of me will be as horrifying as what I have to scream to you.

Buzzing, buzzing, buzzing
The radio waves are crushing
I still hold out for one harmonious note
But the screens aren’t clear yet
A flip of a switch
A brain, a heart, a shaking hand stilled
Nerves pricking up like bewildered cat ears
Drum beats punch me
Down down down
Into your beautiful frown

I wasn’t expecting this
I wasn’t even looking for it
Yet as I’m thinking about how my bones will be cranberry coloured from this drink
You’re figuring out ways to be the worlds first rainbow supernova
An unexpected transmission
Just one second to put the spaceship in ignition and we’re here
Smiling stupidly from ear to seaside pier

My dream turned to sudden death - 
Thousands of feet in the air,
I was without a seat, without a hope
Just me in the sky with no diamonds.
 
My wings detonated to blow flowers
All scathed and wished away
I was an eagle no more
and so I returned to a sleep of angel's land.

A hundred dreams more
I’ve weaned myself off the fear
Runway’s like a dissipating cloud but **** it, no one’s died yet.

Not many people get to watch the clouds
Never mind be above them
I just hope they’re not in my way when I’m no longer up in space.

To be away with the fairies in Koukounaries
I reach for it with the clammy hands
That built lady bird houses and dug black holes, perching in them like a cherry magpie until the dérma tis fotiás

The fear of filling myself up too much drove the planes away
Now they’ll be swooping over my head, plummeting me into the comfort of sting rays, starfish, wasp free shells

My cosy skeleton will love the scalding
The schooling of how to smoke cigarettes on the inferno proving to be a
Vignette vision of a blood ocean, one only my Aphrodite eyes can see glowing

Cow print hats, white horses
We stand face to face with them
Two against two

They have us tricked
And suddenly we’re three
Racing into the skyline

She’s got a gun, she’s got a gun
She’s gonna **** me, no different to usual
Still who’s the paragon, which is poison

Gut instinct is hard to go on
Stuffing my face with Burger King
This and the puppet show

Are too intriguing for me to pick
And when I do
I’m stuck with one in the next room.

“Is this artsy or slutty?” I asked, knowing full well I want to be neither
Manspreading on the stairs
Instinctively commenting on it
Taking up a girlier posture before giving into the fragility of being a sapphic salutation.

Funny how I was sent wavelengths
To sit in a certain way by a pretty clairvoyant, her eyes on a voyage
“It doesn’t mean anything” I thought
Until the angel numbers struck
The freeness coming undone.

I wonder where her spirit went
After being killed by the man she loved.
Always men: greedy
Yet remembered in history and literature
That I have to depict
Not once but twice with another man
Who said I wouldn’t like the woman who was literally beat and cheated on by her husband if she’d been alive
To see me dance to Portrait of a dead girl.

I’d like to think she’d realised
The poor traits of the man she’d shoved
Time and time again into beautiful paintings
Because that’s all they were:
Just a likeness of a person who should’ve protected her, not poisoned her
And showed her off to the spectators of the crime, guzzling wine
Becoming a permanent portrait in my mind.
I hope she’s having an amazing time.

They say a staring contest conjures up love
But what if I can’t stare?
What if my eyes are too wonky, too glossy with teardrops
Brought on by simple gusts of wind and a shudder to my soul?
What if those two minutes it apparently takes to fall in love isn’t enough for someone to look past that?

I got asked too many questions when I was a child and didn’t understand
To a university car park where I was asked about the elephant in the room.
I didn’t realise it was so obvious and so I only approached men in the dark
Because they don’t analyse me like women do but still - the dark.

In job interviews, family interrogations, friends I’ve known for years, shops, dog walks, red haired singers I’ve met
I don’t give eye contact
What do you mean I have to look at the whole of their face and not just the eyes?
I must’ve looked like I wanted to **** the blue, green, amber out of them like the undead.

I think I would worry less about this with a vampire.
They use their teeth to communicate rather than castigation…
The living are too focused on the rules of colourless conversation
When the staring contest dies, their attention dies.

What?

When the vastness of the train station and trouble with an umbrella cemented a lack of time
We rushed through the rain;
London annoying me to the point I threw myself into the corner shop
Grabbed my pocky without gazing up at the lanterns
And sweated it out on the tube.

One chance to see Chinatown gone
But we had pizza to eat
An ice rink not to go to as we settled for a record fair
Those time bomb nights metamorphosed into bedroom discos, a carefreeness I only understood once seeing you jump up and down in the midst of like minded strangers.

Before that came the Hebden murderers
A song told through the eyes of ducks
Sisters who met on the internet
Shivering to Frankenstein till the ******* night, ******* coffee
Worst 3am of my life crying down the balcony once not feeling your presence.

I’ll never forget the house of Frida Kahlo, it’s guitar
And the champagne drank out of a pop star’s shoe
Chinatown’s gone but we’ll be there again, even if it takes another year and a bit
Because I never shared the feeling of having a sister until I met you.

Am I your auburn day
In a world of flaxen nights?
It feels like i'm a convenience,
Everybody went home for summer
And I'm the only fool, fool enough
To take the pity like a girl
Never distinct enough to be wanted.

We went to so many places
And still I keep myself locked in.
It doesn't feel real
Pictures never emerge
And what I've found is that
I'm okay for an escapade
But anything more than that?
I'm something to be hidden.

Sapphire tears bleed from my eyes
I look up, I look up, I look up
Searching for a hideout in the sky
To no constellations
Just the empty float floor tonight.
Nostalgia is prised open -
There's no chances to share dances
But on these rare occasions
I feel future latch onto my hand
And so I cry, happy, drunken.

I stand at the cupboard door
Open, close, open, close.
I shed tears,
As shameful as that is,
And bare a hole in my stomach
Though I ate seconds before.
The sad thing is
Is that I keep it down,
I do nothing when I'm done
And I rinse myself of it
I say tomorrow will be different...
Then the gaping comet growls
large in my chest
My belly and my head
One special treat and it'll subside.
Nothing will save me now.
By thirty I'll have consumed it all
I'll be able no longer.
One side of the galaxy is the same as the other - they both die in the same cruel manner.

Our country is insidious
I'll say it loud, I don't care
Our leaders have hollow guts
They blame it on inflation
The Great Depression part two
But it's fake, it's fake
It's all ******* fake
It starts with men and it'll end with men, old men
Telling us how we're gonna live our lives but who are you?
Do I know you, have we met?
No
So I don't believe you should be declaring a war on behalf of people you can't name
I am working class,
I am a woman by your definition
Your professionals can't even keep me in a dreamlike state
And so my disorder is my confessional
I am simple, I am too smart
Too loud, I don't have a voice
So I can't say anything but here in my room I say
You can't start something you can't find a solution for
If you want to praise hollow gutted men, go ahead
But none of them are gonna **** you, so...

Your eyes beseech us
Implore our feminine instincts
To give in
We are swooning, we  are easy
We are like driftwood
We are the deer
And you are the knights
The charlatans...
you are the firearms
The bullets fleeting
The hearts that stop beating
When you climb on top of us Decrescendo of breathing
It's all black and white to you
But who can blame you
We are pallid
We are rainbow
We are heathered
We are jet
Face it
You're panting in and out
While laying on a corpse
She just died
She'll be there underneath you
Till the second death occurs
Third, fourth, fifth
Hundredth
Your face is everywhere
Undeniably slick
You think you're gods gift
You don't deserve the consequence
We deserve hell
Well, I hope this shakes you
If the law doesn't break you
And nobody ***** you.

Our eyes capered on the skyline
Stretched arms out of the car
It was supernatural to us
with its circle of magic
Is that what it was like to fly?

I stood in a snow globe
of winter wonderland stars
It hugged the happy in me
like it was protecting a baby - then avalanche - goodbye

Labyrinth of shallies
all tangerine and peach
etched a path of crystal stones
gold if you were lucky
This was home of the fireflies

They led me to the beach cafe
And the club of cabaret
Where indigo lights taught me to really dance, a coryphee
The steps I still have memorised

Then I saw the sea's sage, regurgitation
Animals couldn't be collected in buckets like shells
And although childhood dreams stay with me

The kid in me has died.

I was asleep
then the world was ending in the shape of a figurehead.
She was a dream sequence -
A tradition, a hope, a robin on Christmas Day...
Often came for tea and now these clouds and double rainbows,
They all must be signs.

But robins rob.
Feathers of hazel are making room in heaven for a heathen
One who hoarded Africa and befriended the axes who cut it apart for treasure.
Wedlock with her cousin was all orchids so long as the children weren't dud buds.

I remind myself to have humility
Then the world is fighting over a billion pound bet.
She is in her casket asleep -
A shiver, a starve, a million with her by Christmas Day...
Often came for tea and now these clouds and double rainbows,
Though I still question why.

I was street dove eyed
Another sleepless passenger
When the war between the lighthouse and the smog began.

Chimneys
dating back to Victorian times
Shipped their bakery smells to the salt and grease

The colossal banks of them
Victorious in their pursuit to have me step foot into
West Yorkshire's bell jar.

I scoured the trees for spider monkeys, clinging to the backs of their vampire boys
An alabastrine, dazzling climb

Which furthered my trek to the hardcastle crags;
The medieval houses cheering me on in their church pew rows.

Where the hill went up and up and up, so much that the bus was about to tip - on the edge of the world I was.

The twilight town, still green from September, and to think I was drafted to fight for the sea
When Hebden Bridge is where I want to be.

She doesn't know it but her face will be on show for years to come
Her voice a siren, not for war but for rights.
The flames will become a sunset
But the ashes are still there
And back then they rained on her skin
An endless reminder of who she is
Confusion, uncertainty, worry
A tongueless woman in a swarm of male noise
Until her red lips move, her blue eyes match the aqua of the sky
After the darkness has cleared
Resolution near

Once I cried at the thought of a man
Forcing himself inside of me.
I was scared of the night owls
Breaking my locks, draining me of blood,
I imagined dying.
And when the time did come to be crushed, I felt myself start to snap.
Everything about him was too large to the point I refused to let him touch my leg
Never mind let him do what he really wanted to do.

I led him on.
I led them all on.
I resigned to softer features,
Those who'd understand the dolling up, the shirt covered stomach
The endless closure of my eyes they couldn't stare at themselves in.
Of course that never came to fruition but now
I'm so sick of myself I feel nauseous come nighttime.
Lost in the darkness until I fall asleep in a huff.

Maybe I should've let him do it.
Same with the man who
Squeezed me like a clementine
Thinking he was shooting me up, a rocket in his pocket.
Only I was shooting up to forget how he made me feel like a corpse.
To my friends I expressed this and ran into a taxi...
Only for him to slap the shame of being a lesbian back into me.
If I said it didn't lead me to consider trading my body with stardom I'd be lying.

If someone saw me the way I see myself in bed
I think I'd want to be with me too.
This is the slaughter of the lost girl
I’m printing it on the skin of the new girl - the not easy but free girl
Who's sexuality has nothing to do with damage already done.
Deep is the depths of the lengths I’m going to to celebrate this
In the darkest realms possible.
The care dripping from my nerves.

Where have I been?
Did I go on holiday?
Or was I locked up somewhere I couldn't form memories in?
Shocked all mind out of me like a floating anecdote in the dead of a disco; vacant, radiating.
Spinning like the mirror *****, the records soundtracks to my
Prone to oblivious nature.
The past is lost on me
Lost dogs, cats, turned to strays by a world that won't let them remember
Wander helplessly around my head
Like a coven of forgotten souls.
In being forgotten, they forgot who they were.
In being asked where I've been, I forgot who I was as well.

I'm in the underbelly of recovery
Mutating with
Every changed thought
My curves hugging my dress to I'm splurging out
Hot, heavy, popping
Dissipating spine yet feeling divinity
It's too vast but I want to do stuff
I don't want to faint
***** in a limo
Be asked if I want to sit down by a man who wouldn't give a **** if he saw me now
I like to think of myself as a vampire; To enjoy blood not from my own oesophagus
And maybe I do have a higher chance of immortality,
At least when it comes to dispossessing Anorexia of its liquidation.
It still winds round me like a time bomb and always will.
I thank god it's stagnant.

I took a wrong step is right.
Who admits that they have a boyfriend after slobbering all over me, their lips hardly lips
Just skin on a pierced face.
The shock of me and our friend, the confession of a lifetime
That I'd be your type in a different universe.

The one where you don't have kids, not that I minded but you'd make up any excuse not to see me again.
The one where what you write has more substance than the vape
You **** harder than your boyfriend's ****.
For a lesbian you're ******* pretty hard.

Apparently I was looking at you
With eyes only a lover would use.
It was totally nothing to do with the ever changing colour of your hair,
Clothes with me all over
The mouth that butted in when it wasn't wanted.
Only for my one eye not to be cool enough for you.

Don't profess your love.
Don't **** and dump.
And don't post your ugly man upon my feed as if he's worth showing off.
Let him hibernate till spring
Unless he's also a fling
If that's the case then prepare to cry and complain in your stupid soliloquy's until it's Autumn again.

I'm doing it again
Flying my flag of inspiration seeker.
It gives me headaches of wild proportion but I keep going
Like those who starve me; like the sunset that swallows me whole
So I can have tea with the moon.
It's definitely worth going to sleep with a new work at hand
Rebranded, branded a fool when capitalist men exist
I'll weave poetry in the five senses till I collapse
Dying by the feet of bland brains; monotonous colours of consumed or not consumed enough days.

I don't understand anyone's reasoning when they pull this ****
Stay friends for six years or more,
Seven the luckiest but dumped in ****, especially in knowing
This is supposed to be the halfway mark to a forever duo.
Who needs a duo when you have a million chavs, million euro credit cards you don't offer to the poor
Dying for parties, dying for fun
Dying for a piece of your love.

More than a question about exams isn't too much to ask for, is it?
Support your business, congratulate you on the sixth kid you'll never look after yourself,
Maybe the seventh'll be more blessed
If it isn't born from a cheated partner, the one you fell out with me for.
Okay lack of morals, shove it up your emotionless *** of our memories
For I won't be licking it anymore.

I captured her because she wouldn't capture herself
Locks of brunette down her back,
Eyes to the camera
As I was having a heart attack from climbing the long wind
Of a path that drew in leaving no room to clown around
Sing and dance to our hearts content and god knows,
I wish we did that more.

I captured her because she captured me
From when I was blonde to a red she can only recognise
As we lied to our parents about having no friends
And to the briskness of the cold that burdened my skin on the way back
Celebrating a year of meeting in these conditions.
I'm still not able to shut up about her.

I captured her because she captured the moment so well
The stacked up houses that could've fell at a single gush of love,
The books that hadn't been as strong in my bounds of clumsiness
It feels so good not to have to whisper anymore
Even if she makes the world go quiet.
I captured her so I can live in that world for as long as she'll let me.

I'd give you a locket
An imaginary locket
That you'd keep around your neck
For good measure.
A picture of us in fairy dust and charcoal nights
I'd wake up every time for you
Cuddle you till you weren't sad
And in the end we'd be glad
you'd opened up
till the time you reach my age
Me your grandmother's age.
At both sides of life it's okay;
If I tattooed your name on my wrist it would mean something
More than an ownership.
You'd never have to pay for your existence,
Never shed a tear over words thrown around like birthday presents I could pride myself on being acts of love.
Sometimes I fear I'm too small to bear a child
Too compressed by bad genes but in that there'd be so much determination to do it right.
From your locket I would shine the softest light.

Restless heart,
Why bleat when you'll be full soon?
A simple breathing exercise
Turned panic attack, you can't decide, why?

You'll be laughing
Tripping over drains, pebbles
With a friend who covered a vast distance for you
Isn't that healing?

Nagged to leave
But there's a part of pain you'll always keep
With no eyes you're ******
Though in the rush there's luck

There's a restless heart
That pleads with me to let it be full
And I can't promise it
But believe me, I'll try.
These Sunday eyes I'll vow to dry.

Since I learnt of death
I've been burdened with blood work
Clots made by simply breathing
And losing them too soon.

Scared out my wits, I live like it doesn't matter yet
Shower check, fear to consume anything of strangeness...

What would I do with nobody left?
Figure I'd rather die,
I already considered it on trampolines and daisy fields -

That I'd be happy not saying goodbye given I'd still have the untouched, slit hearts
From not expecting my departure.

I can't believe I feel like a coward
For bowing out of a recovery
So gripping it killed them all
In the form of a flesh wound.

It may as well be the universe before we're born changing its mind
And cradling us close to its chest
The rest of death being... dead.

On first glance,
I wondered how such a beautiful girl could be a poet.
You were what I feared...

I didn't wanna see another clone.  

Then I learnt you bleach your hair
With my mum's leftover snowdrops
To extenuate the curves;
The Venus face I recognise so well,

Cause what I see in you,
I don't see in me even though
I brag we share features
Same particles of the mind

Same wet breaths took.

You're really pretty cool
As I keep saying to those who'll listen to my stanzas and stanzas
Of the stars you saw that night and realised you were real

At least you don't feel like a figment of my imagination
This time it's raw, carefree yet caring so much you wanna combust

And it doesn't make you any less beautiful

Me neither for that matter.

What a shift from what I used to think about girls of confidence.

Now that I feel it myself, I feel found by someone I could love forever
The fragments coming together to make one thing.

A thousand more glances.

I wish I was someone else
With enough sense to wish
You would've sent me away
So I could morph into a stranger's bloodline like a London city light.

I see myself in everyone who gives me kindness;
I doubt it's normal to wonder if I'm theirs but I do
In not finding the same kindness in you.

I sit in the wake of the plans
Vowing not to drink but doing it anyway, one urge from you
And I'm right back where I was before I met my friends

Who tell me I'm worth more
Than every streetlight
That makes the world so radiant
In the dead of December
Where it takes the cold ***** in me to remember

I need to be brave
And fun myself into running into the girl you could've been
The girl you could've been if you hadn't have had me.

There's blackness as I wake
Even as I wake it's still night.
It might be sullen of me
But waking up is heart rending when you have nothing to wake up for.

Saturnine bells ring as if I should shoot up, sing till my voice is sore
In the 7am pre rest
Of at least on the outside, resting for the rest of the day.

I could write, I could respond to who could change my life
Get myself out of pathetic debts burdened onto me by fellow humans
Who should adapt to my snails pace; not urge me to rush.

I feel like my head is tagging along behind my body
Or vice versa
I want the coffee to make my dreams come true
Without me having to face rejection.

I wanted to die at twelve
So knowing what to do has become a rare jewel for a planet
That saw the other orbs living freely and didn't follow suit.

It wants me to wake and detonate
Fade into fewer words
And sit pretty with my Venus face.
Slotting myself between depression and depression seems like a common thread for most

But I can't do it.
I just can't do it.

I've known you for a second
And I already want to move in.
Look through kaleidoscopes with you as the roof ascends us like shooting stars.
Find the ugliest decor
and kiss each other better after week long benders.
Your **** was a genies lamp
Sitting pretty in the mould of the seventh apartment in a month.
It only takes a second
for me to hit the roof
when you touch me out of the blue.
It only takes a second
For me to fall in love with you.

The steel city shines bright sometimes
Only when I dream of seeing you there
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't
There's no money, no heart around this tunnel's lines
I can't keep you secretly
In my room like it's a snow globe
We're the pellets, the flakes that fade under feet
And yet we're so lucky to have pulses that fleet
Until we finish the call
When we wake from the future we should have
If the world was normal and rules weren't made up
By men channeling the steel
I wish that our life was real

Little spats here and there
That's all they are
But each one leaves a scar
Or so I fear.
Duplicating rapidly
Outweighing the incredible
Songs, galleries, snow globes shared together
I'm scared you'll get bored of my grouchiness
Like I say, it's not you
It's the ache I'm suffering through.