Even if I call you my sister,
We're twin flames in the way that
We live virtually the same lives.
Sometimes I get jealous that yours is changing and mine stays the same despite our placements in the world
You're scared of what's to come but not to the point where it's crippling.
I think that's pretty brave for my younger self to bear 
I promise you'll rise where I've remained
You'll be the career woman you raved about, find love too
And they'll love you, they'll love you, they'll love you
Vaster than the amount we inhabited in their absence
You know I'm honest so believe it.

Countless nights I've stayed up
When I could be at the back of a taxi, a club, a friends house
I'm in bed waiting for you to say you want to hear my voice
That you're not just stringing me along but unfortunately I'm prone to it
It's almost like I'm asking to be forgotten about so I can wallow
And the sad thing is is that I fell for you like I fell for the others
Quickly, dangerously yet comfortably
That's just the impression you gave when you said you liked me
You wanted to get to know me better
You wanted to know how I react to sorry, to empty promises
So you know you can do it again when I leave and inevitably return.

You love bombed me up to high heaven.
I never asked for it, I wanted the opposite
Yet you came anyway, a pristine oblivion.
A nice person at the right moment until the moment didn't suit you.
Your eyes would burn, effort cumbersome
Wild for someone who said they understood
That I'd been strung along before and this was new
Only for you to fall in love not with me but with you.

I'd run across rivers, dodging the water beneath my feet
With a strength only women know when they're in love, including me
I want to knock on your door
See you surprised and fall to the floor, it's not too far away
If we don't think too much
We won't reach into our pockets and say that's enough
It's all done because nothing is shining, I wonder, does it ever?
Let's run across rivers...

Sharing the bed doesn't seem so bad if I woke up next to you.

Freshly showered, crisp sheets or pre rolled around in

I'd get as close to you as humanly possible, use you as the cover.

Shiver once you lay flat on your back, dreams projecting upwards.

Despite saying I'd move to the settee, I'd stay right here

Intertwining our shoulder blades, breathing in your sweat

as nighttime karate begins.
The lack of oxygen is recovered

When your eyes flutter open; catching mine that remain closed.

I can only share the bed if I'm in love. And love is the sleep you've given me.

I spend the time wasting it
It goes faster when I'm distracted and by getting distracted
I mean getting wasted.

Wasting it in fictional characters I can pretend to care about more the non. Not that I know the difference
Falling in love with words of bold.

I'm wasted without drinking
Dreaming, thinking, writing of the soon to be girlfriend in my phone who sleeps away my days.

We're wasting time by wasting time
Wishing the other wasn't wasting dates, wasting away
Until my arm's around your waist.

Flying eleven hours,
Checking in with just yourself.
Finding webs up the walls,
Face to face with strangers.
Surely it doesn't compare to me
Someone you've known for mere days but still, just me.
Lopsided view, eyes only for you.
When they work,
they work to watch the crepuscule
I wait for just to get as nervous.
God I was almost up to my ears in sickness the first time you suggested we call.
Who would I be to do the same to you?

You're growing tired of the gismo I turned into.
I work like clockwork, right on the dot of you coming here someday.
Press my buttons by simply saying hello and for the day I'm yours
Through a screen and a scream every time you ask if I'm still there.
I'm always there
And I'd do anything like fly to drive you home from that party,
Watch soccer matches with you,
Save you from staying alone in a hotel on your best friends wedding night.
Will I grow tired of the gismo you're also turning into?
Absolutely not.
So maybe it's how it's supposed to be.

As the planes went over my house
We talked about everything.
Pink and orange Flores I wish were white because I picked those
And the tea I should be drinking with you but I slept through the flight. We're always sleeping.

When we're not, we're waiting for whoever it is to let us go.
Like the ones who caused us to mishandle these situations
And the ones we'll love next if we fall out of infatuation but god I hope this connection wasn't made for nothing. It can't be nothing.

She furthers the syndrome
Of the family portrait
Her husband a knight;
Her children slight.
They haven't been born but she'll have them when she's bored.

For now she's entertaining the spots
Named each one
Congratulates her executioner
With a kiss; breathes another hiss.
She uprooted evil in one more girl
Before jumping off every cliff in the world.

He was a battle cry in the dark
To latch on to the last remaining
Sparks of a past life
Ignorance in the first degree while witch hunts ****** the dangerous
In theory he's inquisitive
He should handle emotion with care
But he was a dagger in my wounds
Which he jokes about
In turn with those who can't walk, cant talk, cant eye stalk
And in trust we signed our traumas to him just to mark them as average
To reward a mans unspoken need to discourage a woman
Who gave every word to him.

I desperately crave to be perfect.
Don't even want to grab it, hold it
I just want to have it
But some people don't possess it
And I'm one of those people.
Pathetically dreaming.
Pacing from this failure to the next.
Well maybe everybody else's flaw is that this is what they believe of me.
They don't have the courage to see I will find my way eventually.

I started may drunk
Hope I don't carry it through
To where I meet my friends
Inevitably feel like ****
And relapse on the monsoon

Because I know the rain is acid
But my high is the destruction
And though summer may be sweet
It still won't sober me up
September I'll see you soon

I got stamina when my legs grew cold
Frozen from the lakes that surrounded us
They needed a body to hold, wasn't ready for two
I don't want you, I don't want you, I don't want you
I don't need violins, don't need the gunfire
Not a sine or a designated driver
I'm staring at the bottom of that
Standing a million miles away
A million years too captive in late
Too elastic for it to be okay.

By ignoring death
I'll immortalise myself
And those nearing the polar opposite of what I want
For my never ending world.

Battle scars will be healed
With principals spanning from
I want you to be at peace
And why should we die
We weren't born for blackness.

Even if I accept it
I don't want it
I think I just realised why I hate escape rooms because this one doesn't have an exit door.

By ignoring death
I'll immortalise life
As if we won't blow up in a billion years, even reincarnation
It won't soften the carnage.

Narcissism reached its peak
Years of climbing
Dodging rocks
It's at the age I should've understood
But your empathy's in stasis
If you didn't wanna pay, you shouldn't have had a kid, man
So sorry for existing,
For eating you out of pocket
Wrecking my voice,
Crying too easily
The narcissism goes on
The light of gas is strong 
And I'm running out of breath
I'm really running out of breath.

As from today, I don't have a heart of stone
In fact I never hated you, in fact I loved you
But I have a tendency to act otherwise
Especially when you make me so nervous
Said heart knots itself into a stony oblivion
Stands still through my isolated affection
I promise it's being knocked down any day now
Even if I don't see how, I've loved you throughout
The healing, the building of something new
Throughout the zoysia it's always been you

Don't let me stand on your shoulders.
I've got two left feet but I can do pirouettes around you
And your financial stability, home and office job.

I'm only 5'2 but there's altitude in my ambitions
Far as it may be, I want what you have and more.
I went from auburn to Hepburn, my clubbing nights are scarce but each piano in London knows me

Like a young woman knows the fun and the hard work to be had in life.
It's simpler than you make me out to be
Mice aren't stupid and nice isn't polluted
I just like gentleness.

I don't like being talked down to by broader shoulders.
From feet on the right way to security when I can do orbits of verve's and souvenirs
I am a clammed Pearl, true blue
I am a woman just like you.

Stay away from her
she's up and down
antagonistic roundabout
No wonder her girlfriend split
there's something not batting
from her eyes of rouge

Armageddon in vintage clothes
She's thousands of years old
I wipe the soldiers blood from my dead skin, she doesn't know
The centuries of good I gave
To a future of being craved

That's all I ask for
Want nothing much
But here she is still
Making me blush
I'm made of stone, I'm not moving
Ever, ever, ever

I want to sleep in my dress tonight
Because I don't want to forget you.
You gave me love while I was blacked out and like a true voyager, ripped the leopard print.
Stuff it in the car
Bring it from the Zermatt mountains
Take it back to the dressing room to re-sew the hem and kiss me where it should be

I want to wake up heavy headed
From a night of running into your arms, running from reality.
Running out into the world, running to find a purpose
And I'm pretty sure my purpose was to fall in love
fall out
and fall back in it once I saw aurora fall from the house lights into violet onto you

I want it to be October forever
Because I don't want to forget you.
You gave me spring while it was doomsday and like a true endeavour, it got me terribly lost.
Drive me home
When being sober gets too much
Crash into the violet reflected in my eyes to mend the goodbye before it's said.

I want you to draw blood to the rio grande to say you won't forget me,
Dance me to death
Revive the parts of me I don't want dead anymore
I'm a bomb in retrograde, I'm pretty sure I'll be happy anywhere
Wherever you are
I'll fall into violet, onto you.

How do you sleep at night
Knowing the truth is out there somewhere?
Masks won't help you hide from the fact you're a brat, just take the consequences and **** it up.

See we've gone from me loving you, trusting you, protecting you
To me being unsure who to believe
It's not the one with allegations spanning longer than your larynx reflexes

Reflect on that cause babes, they don't sound healthy at all.

Home from a soirée
And I'm done with so called professionals
Writing includes patience and love and a knowledge of character
But it's always excuses
It's part of the story
We all see through your cursive
And take pride in the curses
we put on you
For putting them on us

Contaminating my insides by
Sending ashes down my pharynx
Sabotaging my career
To score damp pits of my eyes
Tired and heavy, red from the puffs
As if they aren't ****** enough

The truth is
Inhaling w33d only makes me sadder
I'm just trying to sit under rainbows
Hoping some of it stains my skin
Better than lacerations ever could
Any blood waterfall is dangerous

Fear of holes, fear of spiders
But a fear of fire when you watched your uncles bed fireworks
Blades on the brick, waiting for the petrol rainbow.
You burnt your thumb on a sparkler, burned your whole self down
And the blisters still rein-act ash
But you entertain it like snow
So why let beauty bother you?

Now the cats inside
We're throwing sticks in the fuse, throwing up graves
Trudging through the forest to please the arsonist in me.
Hack at the fear, naw at peppers in the most vanilla way
It's never as bad as you blazed it up to be, scorched brave skin
So don't let beauty bother you.

People aren't zombies
We know what you're up to
Burning your own aeroplanes
And we get the blame
Very pretentious, extremely smart
You wouldn't start a riot
Just handshake after handshake
Deliberating on whether peace is fundamental enough
Emergency alarms
Trans kids dying in the parts of town you refuse to show on telly
Just reported, people are zombies
It's the global warming after party
No Mars, no spaceships
Total apocalypse
You know who's to blame?
******* politic zombies.

When I was born
I should've automatically been given all the jewels in the world.
I didn't ask for poverty
Enjoy everything from a distance
I wanna be in it.
Not looking up
Fighting the nausea of saying no
Putting life on hold.
It might be selfish
But i believe a parents situation shouldn't involve a child.
A child shouldn't have to
grieve the life they could've had
Even with working.
We wake up to bathroom lights and end our day with them too,
Why would anybody want that?
I'll be homeless soon because my mum wanted a little girl
Who wanted all the jewels in the world.

I wanted 11:11
But I think that's feeling too much
You're not my constellation
You're pretty cool
Just not my psychedelic cluster.

I'd sacrifice everything for you
And if people talk ****
I'll back you up in a half assed heartbeat, there's nights for us everywhere but not in shining armour.

Russet roulette
Parked in your Cadillac
On speaker with the guys, I love you all like brothers, high fived not by blood but by pact.

No one would say a credit to you...
All I do is cry
Wish I could be in love
Just to have something to show the furrowed brows and walk away's
Wish I wouldn't be sick
And love the wide eyes of death
I'm not your amber girl
I'm not your skinny *****
I don't have daddy's money or a car, wish I was neurotypical enough
Man, I came out with foggy vision
Catastrophic from the start
And when there's helicopters round your baby's heads,
There's bound to be high expectations,
I just can't be that for you.

Pixels building
I'm spinning around
All over the show
I'm just in the shower
Waiting for the spell to phase out
I'm seeing hydroponic trees
Green and yellow like the beaches of Palm Springs
Life is the water in my feet
Cascading down canyons
It makes my heart fleet
Again I'm seeing colours
Summer is to suffer
So I'm just gonna float through the ******

Drunk on adrenaline
We screamed each other hello from the DLR to the party
Sang each other goodbye before we didn't have a chance to
Four to three went to two and then one with amnesia
I wish I remembered you like I wanted to
I wish I remembered you like I wanted to

Dramatology in its purest form
I wasn't pretending to like you, I do but I was shy
And numb from the railroads that pedalled their manic wheels of fortune
Blessing me with not bravery but temporary bliss
We partied till I remembered you
We parted till I remembered you

You take off your clothes
And the world gets dark
There isn't even a silhouette,
Just a voice asking if I want more.
I want Heathcliff nights
And Hugo greens
Not a body with no meaning.
Every body has a meaning.

Why are you attracted to me?
I'm not attracted to me or you.
I thought I was afraid
Now i'm in the midst of being numb
And i'm fearless.
Deep in my heart I know there's nothing wrong with me
After all, every body has a meaning.

How can they say you're a bad guy
When your eyes well up at the softest of sounds?
The man with peppery hair and walks his dog through the Manchester clouds.
You're candid about your struggles, there's no shame in being a luminary, a friend
And these social issues, injustices are not your fight but you'll see it through till the very end.
We've seen you through the ages - flowered shirts to suits and ties, the same one washed daily
You're a normal bloke though it's safe to say you're not doing too well lately.
Just take into account that if you purge the atypical parts of yourself, you'll be unhappy either way
And if it was up to me, you'd embrace every tint of grey around that dewy eyed face.
How can they say you're a bad guy
When your eyes well up at the softest of sounds?
The man with peppery hair and walks his dog through the Manchester clouds.

The barn was almost bare
And autumnally bloated with draft.
There was a hole they couldn't be bothered knocking a plank of wood over to keep any more
stock from going off.

But they could knock up their wives with no problem at all -
More grubby mouths to feed, more grabby hands at the table...
The animals knew this.
The animals wanted revenge.

Stoked by ammunition
Their fleets like pigs hearts fleet
Trotters, hooves, spider webbed feet
The humans under attack as the Sunday banquet made knives out of horns and teeth
Revenge was sweet like people meat.

Eleven January's
And I'm still starving
Health seems appetising
and I look it
but beneath the bark
I'm skin and bone

Eleven January's
Walking through the thickness of it
In May i will be exhausted
And camp out in forest December
Where it's too warm to jog
I'll take it easy till Christmas

Eleven January's
Of what now?
I'm big again
There's so little space
All I can do is trick it
And hope it expands

Eleven January's
And the hunger hasn't stopped
The hunger to be wanted
The hunger to be loved
The hunger to be held
The hunger to be dead

Eleven January's
More and I'll go mad
If I'm not six feet under
I'll be six feet in width
Ashamed either way
So I'll just wait and see

Eleven January's
Of hot chocolate to herbal tea
It's the way it always goes
But the stories intertwine
And I believe every lie
Because it makes me feel high

Eleven January's
Of shelly beaches
Townie roads
The promenade stretches
Further than I
As I drift like a glint

Eleven January's
I am a fat smog sleeping on the job
There's no time to wallow
I take my last swallow
That's it, I'm never doing this again
Then let's go feast somewhere

Eleven January's
And I haven't seen you
I haven't shrunk 
Not thin enough
For you to take me seriously
To want me

Eleven January's
I hurt myself for nothing
My heart is small and slow beating
hanging on by a locket
Who needs weights in their pockets
When they don't kick but break the bucket

Eleven January's
How long doesn't matter
It's the damage you do
And it's not you
It's January
So far for me, it's eleven

I walk to feel alive -
As if South Yorkshire is utopia
And I'm an astronaut discovering it for the millionth time.
It's a raw feeling,
I've travelled back by closed eyes and a genie wish
To find those roots again that shoot through me, palliative like beryl rockets.
It's sad though
Because I imagine horses waiting for rain but only strangers came
And so I heard the metro
The ghosts of Bethnal Green lured me back to the land of opportunities
Home ground for love
I was an eagle eyed dove.
It was the only way to live a life worth talking about when I'm old
And before you ask, I'm not sure why I dwell on that fact.
As nice as it would be to be alone, I'm afraid I'll have to cut the seed from my hydrangea heart
Before the Venus fly sunset traps me in for good.

I want to kiss the malt you stained your lips with,
As masculine and camouflaged as they are by a lions mane.
I never saw you as beautiful until they day you spangled me in it
Longing with questions and me with a taste for the road,
It could work if I forced myself to turn my back on what had made me whole.
For the drunkenness in your coal mined eyes and the need knots in my stomach tell me to join you on the stage
Whether it's behind, in front or by the side, I want you.
I want you in the way I don't want to be alone.
I want you in the way I would starve myself to the bone.
I want you in the way I'd call that home.

In retrospect, it's been nothing
But it's such a big big thing to live.
I cast my brain upon
balconies seven heavens high.
When my train flattened an innocent man I wished it could've been me.

I feel like I've lived more lives than words they use to say
"You wouldn't know".
You wouldn't know what I have to do to get the tears to flow
Never mind the fragments of breath
That try to sink when I sail them. 

The scintillation of just one problem
Is enough to short circuit me.
I shouldn't have to worry but I do
Unknowingly creating loop holes
In each defiance I now call a luxury.
I don't want to live so why should I know how to?

I took my foot off the gas
Of a car I never owned
Got a job as a ceiling starer.
I stared into anatomy
Face shapes and circumstance
All I found was a lost school dance.

I'd smash your fingers in my piano
If i had the chance to walk into your life like a lie dressed in silk.
I can make out your figure through the reflection of the glass bottle
Wonder why it got you in full throttle

When I was alive
When your baby cried
Already with suspicions.
When all she did was abide
By the rules of how to survive
In such a ****** up situation.

It’s crazy how fast people stop making an effort after making their transaction.
Playing around with hotel rooms, assassinating money, I keep going home to write a love song
Just to never hear from you again.

And as I stare on at the one space for rehab I wonder what was the point in exchanging numbers
If one out of a zillion gets lost each time you leave me to do it alone?
I'm a business, a link for you guys to meet without me.

I live within states
Divided by fields
I never got drunk in as a teen
Cities I feel I’ve lived in a thousand times
Maybe I handled them better in a past life
The mediocrity of mouse towns
Borrower minds, nowhere to scream these words on a stage
And a seaside that changed my state
In fluctuating, horrifying ways.
I don’t always live within states
But I will in the balmy beach of those summer weeks
I’ll laugh myself up treacherous Greek steps and cry under starlit Swiss skies
The state of me is a never ending paradox…
At least I’ll distract myself from that fact in the art of knowing how to adapt.

Savage me you could
Brunette bird in a world of wolves
Countryside to city
Drenched in rain either way
But still unstoppable
You look over your shoulder
That porcelain shoulder
The bones, the tips of your fingers
Gently nudge me
Right where I needed to be nudged
To follow you into the night.

Looking back on everything
Sobriety, ecstasy
Loud mouthed moth
Drowned in questions but staggered out
Unladylike, feminine as ever
In candy wrapper kicking boots
You sing me to sleep
Without plaiting my hair, no lullaby
Just a beat of notoriety
Right when I needed to feel notoriety
To follow myself into the night.

I run my face under the tap
It’s not very graceful but it’s money
This birthing myself for men
Dissociating out of a mythical dream
Just so I can dream some more
Is it true I was born for them?

I wish it was easy enough to believe this
Take my place as ******* girl
Poster girl, poser girl
Putrid girl would be right
The dream being much bigger
Than what I see night after pulverising night.

A cheek for eating
Pink snake slithers up my throat
Pushes out the remains
I go twenty levels up
before crashing back down
Is this what you want for me?

Tears upon years old stained tears
Intertwined with future
A feature I’m sure I’ll encounter
Once feeling comfortable in my skin
A territory so consumed by me
You can’t push past reasoning.

Tube lines
Nostalgia at the junction

Tears ***** my eyes
Terrify them

In the arcade
In the deep cuts of my brain

I’ve been here before
As a punk, a skinhead, an NPC

A lost song, paranormal cartoon
I put their headphones on

Right to wherever I danced with them
Right to wherever I died with them

Chalcot Square reminds me of charcoal
Eyes struggling to fight
Clay melted by sunlight.
Building blocks of pill bottles
Balamory houses in a myth I can’t get to.

I’ll go someday
Until then I’ll keep walking circles
Letting maps lead me into school roads.
I’ll celebrate once I’m dead
Like the ghost of the girl I tried to visit.

Is she back in fashion
Is she getting something
More than a dead goodbye?
Not even a kiss is ever in motion
Channeling robots
Love her love forgot

Nothing was ever made so monstrous
But her, but her, but her
Her fault, her problem from scratch
A joke is a monologue
A monologue a break up
Now she’ll never go to Marden Square

Since she can’t even find it
Since she doesn’t want to find it
Since she doesn’t wanna get ill
Inveigled into silence
Sentence of a hopeless romantic
May as well hang it up for good.

Lines are drawn across pitted skin,
She pulls her claws, tying ribbon.
Mouth sewn tight so I can't speak,
I slide my wrists upon the sink.
My feelings are transparent;
This pain endured is like heaven.
She tells me that I deserve it,
And so I make another slit.

If I take a hold of my corruption,
like the sun it will go down in the evening
or dry out like cinnamon,
as flat as Philodendrons in the scenery.

I’m a shark about to bite,
but i’m taking in my surroundings
and burgundy flags come to belittle me,
they’re people with only grounding.

When I was young, I set eyes
on a bike, tough as a killing moon.
It’s trinket muscles,
Onyx like panthers, it hexed me,
Garbed me in leather
And waltzed me through
the quixotic night.

Nothing ever came
of the puma pack and I.
A beckoned fly, a pixie’s sigh,
I probably fit in the bearded mans pocket but
Now still a Bengal, I will push my luck with a tiger’s bite.

Cheshire monkey
Is talking in his sleep.
The ramblings of an old man
Comes alive in the dark.

He wraps his floppy arms
And ***** smile around each nightmare that finds me
Like a helter skelter anthropoid.

Amnesia becomes him
As he forgets paddling pools,
By the ears on the washing line
And strawberry puke.

He jumped from vine to vine,
Lily pads of the Avenue
Just to get back to the pushchair that left him in the cold.

Watched from Butlins windows,
Happy to see the adventurer in me
When I take him from place to bewildering place.

Breathes whimsical words,
Amour propre,
Everything that makes him the best friend I ever had.