take up space with your scabby elbows
and laughter-stained cheeks
say your name loudly and clearly,
and do not cover your mouth when you speak
because when
i lay my head on your chest
it sounds like hurricanes
are destroying houses
do i really make you feel that much?
because i am just a girl
with sadness in my bones
and a cigarette in my hand
and i cannot give you anything
but my emptiness and ache
love is crawling out of your pit
and walking on water
it's floating in air
and breathing deep
love isn't beautiful but something with teeth
it ripped through my flesh and ate me whole
it was killing me in the most lovely way
love was drowning
in a pool full of laughter
it was sinking sand
and car crashes
it was tragic and devastating
it was real

*(a.m.c.)

there's too much blood at my feet
where flowers won't grow
and i tried to fill the cracks in the soil
with glue and vaseline
but the ground reminded me of your lips,
split in four places and tasting like salt
i've let too much water leak from my body
so i started swallowing sand and dirt
hoping that trees would grow from inside me
and i could last longer than life
remember when you touched my hand
and lightning bolts shocked the hell out of me?
you were electric and kicking and screaming
i was the sea, raging and deep

*(a.m.c.)

i am cold water on a ***** fist,
rinse me clean of this catastrophe
i am beaten and bruised, a raw being
stitch my wounds and bandage me whole
put me in your house made of books
and set fire to the poetry
scandalize this love affair
between me and the words
this romance only exists in my head
but it feels so real

*(a.m.c.)

it was a pleasure to burn
with ***** stained lips
and a cigarette between my cold fingers
i stopped eating to become a symphony,
swirling and elegant
with a game of tic tac toe played with a blade
across my angular wrists
when people ask me about the straight scars
i say they are tally marks
counting every bit of destruction
inside of my body.

*(a.m.c.)

i wanted to document
the arches of your cupid's bow
onto a thousand polaroids
and plaster them on my ceilings.
i wanted to carve a renaissance sculpture
based on the image i had of you
imprinted in my brain,
make you out of marble
and put you in a castle.
i think that when i look into the sky
i see the same constellations
that sit in your eyes
and i believe that you have become
my worst habit,
worse than chain smoking
in parking lots
and worse than sleeplessness.
you are an addiction in a body,
a hurricane that swept me away.

*(a.m.c.)

sometimes if i listen hard enough
i can hear the sound of my bones
cracking under the weight of myself.
it feels too heavy to bring so much luggage
around with me to airports
always searching for a plane
to take me somewhere new.
i want to drop my bags and forget myself
i want oceans
i want to soak up waves and waves
of salt.
i'm taking too many pills now
that i am forgetting that i'm a person
and not a drone, that my steps
are conscious and that i can stop
when i want i can stop.
but i have to keep stepping
because what else is there to do?
what else besides walking
what else because if i stop
if i fall down i will never get up
i swear i am an airplane and
i am flying up in high altitudes
and i'm losing oxygen but i can't come down
because if i do i will crash and
nobody will pick up my wreckage.
i will be amelia earhart
i will be a mystery
i will be lost forever.

*(a.m.c.)

i tried to **** some time
with my cut-throat vaseline clues
and quarters and lollipop bruises
my headaches turned into pleasure-seeking
narcissistic blues and bass guitars behind me
i'm done whispering nightmares
in other people's ears
and i'm done watching clocks
begging them to stop
begging me to stop
begging it to stop

*(a.m.c.)