When I was young, my life was like music that was always getting louder
Everything moved me
A mother with her child
That made me feel so much
A homeless person sitting on the sidewalk holding out a ***** cup for some spare change
I could have cried over it
I did
A calendar that displayed the wrong month
The way the moon followed me everywhere I went
How an unmade bed looked like home
Where the smoke coming from the house across the street disappeared into the sky
Frost on the window of my mother's car
How the earth tirelessly orbited around the sun
The way the city lights looked from afar
I have spent my entire life learning to feel less
Every single day I feel less
Is that growing old?
Or something worse?
I suppose you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness
But how do you balance yourself between the two without forgetting how to feel altogether?

four months ago
you convinced me to lie
"I'm going to a friends house"
when really I ended up at yours

no one was home
you took me to your room
you convinced me to get in bed with you
got me naked
"do you want to?"
I don't wanna ruin so many friendships
but we did it anyways
I was so unsure

it was too late to tell you "no"
you were already on top of me
inside me
there was nothing I could do
it seemed like forever
but you were finally done
I laid there motionless

you convinced me we would be together
you lied
you used me
for all your ****** desires
your face haunts me
the memory haunts me late at night
I wish I would have never done it

your face causes great pain
it makes me want to tear myself open
and watch myself bleed out
it wishes I wasn't here
it makes me cry late at night
but no one else knows this
and I wish no one else did

"Tick, tock,"*
Says the Clock
No!
Not another day gone
Just like that?
Days go by like dust in the wind
Slipping through our fingers before they can even begin
Days quickly turn into weeks
And weeks into months
Until another year has gone by
In just the blink of an eye
So it seems
The constant tick of the clock's tireless hand
Has us constantly saying goodbye
To life
One measly day at a time

With that I bid adieu
To this past year, too
And welcome yet another one to come
*Let's see how quickly this one cares to run