I no longer wish to be a body,
I wish to only be a soul.
For without a body,
I may become whole.

I no longer wish to be a body,
I wish to only be a soul.
For without a body,
I may become whole.

I sat among the stars one day,
Hoping my problems would just,
Fade away.

The sun was warm upon my face,
Reminding me of memories,
I can't erase.

And the moon was comforting,
while she held me tight.
She whispered in my ear,
Do not give up your plight.

And so I sat among the stars all day,
Hoping that I might not,
Simply fade away.

You are the cigarette I smoke,
After the needle finds my vein.
The comfort in sleep so profound,
I thought I'd never awake again.

Darling can't you tell me,
You're still innocent inside.
Please baby, whisper you'll be fine.

I know you're sick,
And you feel your skin stretch.
But I'd tear off my own skin,
To make you feel beautiful once again.

I hear it in your voice,
See it in your eyes,
Each bite fills you up,
And prepares you to die.

And you just kept purging,
And somehow I didn't know.
I'd sell my soul for less,
Than to just make you whole.

I miss your smile,
Before you found your taste.
Baby please rethink it all,
You know not what you waste.

Now please don't cry,
Take my shoulder while I sing a lullaby,
So you can sleep,
And feel beautiful in your own skin.

My heart started to rot,
In eighth grade spanish class,
That moment you danced into the room,
A spotlight on your smile.

I say it started to rot,
For it knew I will never know your love.
But what's the difference,
Between misery and ever after?

My heart began to rot,
When you took my hand and ran.
Rain pounding down,
Cascading around the halo on your head.

I say it started to rot,
For I knew then you loved me too.
But what's the difference,
Between having him or having me?

My heart began to rot when I saw his smile,
And I knew mine would never compete.
And how his hand fit with yours,
While you held him to your breast.

My heart began to rot,
Oh so long ago.
And now there is nothing more,
Than darkness where you once were.

Beautiful, your anxious eyes,
Make me see home again.
I hope I never have to live without you,
Not again, oh darling, bring me in.

Beautiful, your nervous laughter,
Reminds me of times long past.
Take my hand, hold me tight,
Kiss me lightly, love me fast.

Why not one more night,
Why not one more time?
Just one kiss goodbye,
Love me sweet, make you mine.

And my word's can't bring you in,
I can't write you home.
So I'll just keep writing,
And let my heart roam.

Why not one more night,
Why not one more time?
Just one kiss goodbye,
Love me sweet, love tonight.

Where did he go tonight?
Please say he's gone for good.
I'll wrap my arms around you,
Just to love you like he never could.

Please say you remember,
That night we sat in my car,
And talked for hours,
Before I carried you home.

Please say you remember,
How your hand fit to mine.
How your arms wrapped so gently,
Around my neck.

Please say it.

Please, just one more time.

Tell me he's gone,
Tell me his blood's on the walls,
For all I care.

Just so I can take his place,
Where I belong.
I hear his voice,
Where did we go wrong?

I wish he could feel,
The scars you've cut into me.
And I just wish,
That he would leave.

I'm a grain of sand,
Beneath the soles of a prophet,
In the desert of time,
Insignificant, yet...infinite.

Lost,
Time flowing smoothly,
Unstoppable, a force to reckon,
The sun pounding the prophet's back.

I am the book,
Hidden in his satchel,
That tells him to just,
Take another step.

Parched lips speak prayers,
Ignorant in my ears.
Beams shone upon him,
He is enlightened.

To speak to God.
How mighty it must be.

There is no air around me,
I found myself locked in.
The light was shining brightly,
But now the room is dim.

No windows or holes to crawl through,
No help is coming for me.
I cannot breathe any longer,
I wonder how death will be?

The suit I wear protects me,
Keeps me breathing still.
But if I shed my clothing,
Will my lungs have their fill?

I cannot keep on questioning,
It is time to try it out.
So I shed my suit of armor,
And with it all my doubt.

The pressure is too much,
I am caving in.
As my lungs fill with darkness,
I am filled with Sin.

You asked me once to write you a story,
I tried, and I failed.
You asked me once to write you a song,
But I couldn't remember the good through the wrong.

I see shadows all around us,
Darkness personified.
So I sat to write you a poem,
And I can say I truly tried.

The darkness closes around me,
I cannot see the light.
I close my eyes to pray,
That all will be alright.

Sadly I see the darkness,
In your eyes.
And I hope it never comes,
When we are forced to goodbyes.

What ever happened,
To the games we used to play?
Hide my heart,
It's beating for you anyway.

Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust.
Can you fix my soul,
So covered in rust?

We used to talk for hours,
I'd dream of what we'd be.
But now it seems it's always,
Just my endless soliloquy.

It's over,
Your love is gone.
And I cannot remember,
What we did wrong.

Like waves on open shores,
You beat against me.
And I promised you the sort of thing,
That I knew could never be.

I promised you the world,
And you took mine.
Now I know that I will never,
Have you in time.

Well the night can't get much darker,
It's an hour before the dawn.
I can't stop thinking about you,
Now that you're so long gone.

A thousand miles between us,
I wish I could just drive.
But you wouldn't have me on your doorstep,
And I don't think I can see you alive.

It's a quarter to the dawn,
My cigarette is gone.
And I can't believe the melodies,
While they play our favorite song.

And I guess this night can't get darker,
When dawn never comes.
I guess I'll have to forget you,
And what you've become.

Is it so early,
That you can't utter hello?
No more aspirations,
Of Heaven above, Or Hell below?

Too much time has passed,
Since we last spoke.
Your voice was my melody,
Your words, the song we wrote.

I suppose you couldn't listen,
To my dying benediction.
You're the needle in my arm,
The ****** to my addiction.

But ****, I can't sleep with you gone,
Something akin to a clear head.
And I hate every second,
When it's 3 a.m. and I'm lying in bed.

****, I guess it's over,
We're all said and done.
And I feel like I've lost,
While you say that you won.

My friends, they all are gone.
I've laid them to rest.
Shovel and blisters in my hands,
I've nearly conquered this test.

I've shed tears for the fallen,
But I know one day they shall rise.
In his tomb I'll find you,
I shall be your demise.

You pitiful wretch of a man,
The shell of what you once were.
I'd spill your blood for nothing,
For less I've done much more.

Fate would have it,
You live today.
But I'll see you in Hell,
I look forward to the day.

I bite my lip and prepare to jump,
In my literary suicide.
I've got my diary scrawled over my heart,
And I've got nothing left to hide.

I'm an addict for your love,
But you don't exist.
We live in a world,
Of spelling errors and misprints.

So take your pen,
And sign your name on my soul.
Give me one last kiss,
Please, just to make me whole.

Tie the knot,
And kick the chair from under me.
This poem is all about,
Me just trying to let you be.

You see,
Depression is a funny thing.
The pain and suffering,
That only drowning can bring.

I've watch all my friends succumb,
To a pain I had never dreamed of,
Until I took a moment,
To feel what I had inside.

Then I began to believe,
That nothing hurts more.
It's like you're trapped in a burning building,
With flames covering the door.

And everyone around you,
Is breathing perfectly fine.
While you're drowning in the water,
Trying to push back the tide.

The time of day is now,
When I feel that itch beneath my skin.
And every second hurts,
When I'm not filled with sin.

But continuously isn't in my vocabulary,
Just like the color of your soul.
But sometimes I get trapped,
In a world that'll never be whole.

I can't say I'd falter,
If you offered me your name.
But if I had to sell my soul,
The devil knows it would be for fame.

It's not the kind you think,
Where you'd see my face on every channel.
But God knows I wouldn't stop,
If I could put your head up on my mantle.

The fire would roar,
And I'd soon watch your face begin to melt.
But I would never be rid of,
Those feelings that I have felt.

Dearest Penelope,

I write this with shaky hand,
Making sure that every line is perfect,
With dotted i's and crossed t's,
Hoping it will make you,
Think much higher of me.

But Darling, my most beautiful atrocity,
Dearest Penelope,
You know you bring me nothing,
But heart aches and misery.

But if that is what I need,
To feel attached to you.
Then heart break it is,
'Til I find my way through,
To you.

Dearest Penelope,
I'll love you,
Forever if it'll be,
Dearest Penelope I love you,
Signed Sincerely, me.

You took a piece of my heart,
That night you looked back at me,
And our eyes met,
But you took his hand and I let it be.

I read your poem again last night,
Trying so **** hard,
To tell if it was about me,
Like mine are all about you.

I cried myself to sleep last night,
Thinking of how you share his bed.
I couldn't think of us together,
Now these thoughts are stuck in my head.

I wished upon a Star,
That he and I could trade lovers.
And you and I could do nothing,
More than lie down and hold each other.

But I suppose my story,
Won't end in a happy way.
But I wish you never leave me,
I just hope you stay.

I guess it doesn't matter,
If you kiss him goodnight.
I'm used to feeling,
Like I'll never be right.

I thought you were ******,
But you taste like *******.
The way you make my heart beat,
And my tears fall like rain.

I thought you'd be the flower,
I'd pick and you'd be mine.
But I got lost somewhere between,
Jealousy and fine.

Sadly it'll never happen,
You'll never share my bed,
So I'll just have to load this needle,
In the place where you could rest your head.

Sometimes the meds aren't enough,
When I’m trying to fall asleep at night.
And I keep seeing the same thing pass behind my eyes,
Memories and dreams of years past by.

I feel my eyelids start to close,
Before they come round again.
My chest feels heavy,
My head feels light.

A concert, four peach colored walls,
A red flower and a silent pose.
Two cups, both half drunk,
An uncourageous half dead rose.

**** I can’t sleep tonight,
But the meds are kicking quick.
If I close my eyes,
Will it be worth the risk?

I lost my mind,
You broke my heart,
And took my soul
I could return to paradise.

I float,
Somewhere between hell,
And purgatory.
A soul afire, I float.

Light is the rain,
Dancing around your flesh,
And it arouses me to think,
You were innocent once.

I'd like nothing more,
Than to wear your meat around my soul.
To watch the skin melt from your bones,
And turn your body to ashes.

I'd like nothing more,
Than to breathe in Your pain,
And heaven will find you,
Dancing in the rain.

A million lessons learned,
In a second of desire.
As the needles draws blood,
From my wrist.
I found pleasure,
In sickness, not in health.
A millions lessons learned,
Lying in bed,
Shaking from the cold,
No one else can feel.
Days pass,
Sickness fades,
But I'll not forget,
What poison brings.

I'll compare you to the full moon,
That pulls and pushes the tides.
You are the rain that quenches thirst,
Of a million lavender poppies.
And how I'd like to taste,
The sweet smoke of excess,
That burns behind your lips.
To taste the flowers kindly,
I'll dream of pods and petals tonight.

Here's to hoping for another night,
Spent alone, I'm not alright.
This sedation feeds me another pill,
When will my brain have it's fill?

Another *****,
And it's joyous gains.
Pull back,
And watch blood taint,
The liquid gold inside my heart,
I wish i could close my eyes,
And just depart.

It's in my veins, my heart, my brain,
Another rush to make me insane.
But i close my eyes and go to sleep,
In hope that death will finally keep.

Should i wake through the night,
Darling tell me everything is alright.
Hand me my rig, my spoon and cotton,
So I can remember what I've forgotten.

A sad song, a little lullaby,
To get me through another night.
I miss how your lips,
Never touched mine, a repeated process of goodnights and goodbyes.

Don't cry, for me tonight,
I'll find my way out of the dark.

I'm hallow now,
No needle to fill me up.
No more little white pills,
To hide your absence.

Take my hand one more time,
Like at that concert that one night.
When I thought he was gone, and so was she.
I thought we could make us right.

I can't take any more,
And yet you want another piece.
I've got everything you can keep.

And it feels like rain,
When you've had too much to drink,
And you can't fall asleep at night.

Take a pill or two,
For that hangover,
You'll have when you wake up.
Cause darling, I miss you so **** much.

And it feels like rain,
When you cry from all the laughter,
That's pouring from their mouths.

And it feels like rain,
When you tie the knot,
And prepare to jump.

But darling, wait.
The sun comes up,
In the early morning,
You just have to get through the night,
When it feels like rain.

Can you hear the truth behind my lies,
When i say that I'm just fine.
Is it time,
For us to say our goodbyes?

Can you hear my whispers,
When you're afraid of the dark?
I love you lady,
Take that to heart.

We tried too hard,
Failed before our time,
Your words leave me,
With another white line.

I love you lady,
Misery is your name,
In the darkest reaches of my heart,
You found your fame.

Leave me here,
Just say goodbye,
I watched you leave,
And felt a piece of me die.

These are the words we speak,
When pillow talk isn't enough.
I never knew you could be so weak,
Like a schoolboys words, as he tries to be rough.

In these gallows I found home,
A deadly game of love to me,
You're everything I'm not,
Everything I hoped I could be.

So I'll sing my songs
In hope your heart hears them while you sleep.
And I'll poison your dreams,
In hope my words will bury deep.

I can say im heaven sent,
An angel of despair.
I am more than anything,
You could ever hope to bare,

I thought the scars were gone,
I couldn't believe you disappeared.
You took everything I loved,
And left everything I feared.

This story was all over,
Until you came back around.
I should've left you buried,
Like a body six feet underground.

It was never enough,
For me to love you like this.
I filled my heart with your whispers,
And yearned for your kiss.

I am immortal,
While I wish I could die.
Rip out my heart,
As you look me in the eyes.

Bury me down,
Deep, far away from this world.
I am nothing,
A body with no soul.

So love me forever,
If only forever could be.
I dream of the day,
You fall in love with me.

And angels taste like morphine,
Like the salt formed on your lips.
The peak brings pleasure,
I know I shouldn't miss.

But days go by,
And sober thoughts turn to suicide,
I just cut another line,
To make my depression hide.

Higher than before,
Kissed her lips and wanted more.
I fell farther than I thought,
Into a hole I'll never leave.

But another *****,
And that rush it brings,
Takes away the pain,
Of you and all your things.

I see it in her eyes,
Soft memories with a bitter taste.
She knows I'll never heal,
Or perchance never love again.

She watches as time flies,
And sees the sorrow on my face.
As I remember what she looks like,
In satin and lace.

But to me it never happened,
We never were one.
I bound myself to you,
As you bind yourself to none.

Oh the marks you left on me,
Felt deeper than they appear.
And I can feel the bleeding,
From deep within my tears.

Warmer times and colder hearts,
Lost ourselves in times apart.
I never thought Id see the day,
You fell right out of me.

Couldn't make this easy,
Leaving you behind.
Lost myself in blue orbs,
And light brown lines.

I can't say I've fallen,
Nor risen too far.
But Id rather stay here,
Than get lost in the stars.

I never let you go,
Never left you behind,
Found myself in blue orbs,
And longer lines.

I never let you go,
I'll never let you leave.
But make it easy for me girl,
And just let me breathe.

I slipped myself something sweet,
Just to get me through the night,
A drink in one hand,
My mind cloudy and light.

You were so beautiful,
Half drunk and that's just fine,
His hand and yours entwined,
I slipped myself something sweet just in time.

What a rush you've become,
Your smile, my demise.
There's not a lie I could tell,
When I look you in the eyes.

He fell asleep on your breast,
As we talked through the night.
I always knew there was nothing,
I can do to make this right.

But we said our goodbyes,
As the snow came pounding down.
I slipped myself something sweet,
Just as I reached the end of town.

I saw you today,
No makeup, a lovely photograph.
Your voice rang bells through my head,
And kick--started my heart.
(Tell me darling, everything will be alright.)

I thought I needed you again,
Just another fix my friend.
Like a needle to my vein,
You shot sunlight to my heart.

Now I've come down again,
And you're nowhere to be seen.
And I'm strung out,
Like a ****** in a new town.

We had lunch,
Two friends and him again,
Company I wouldn't keep,
If I could swallow you like a pill.

Muddy brown,
Eyes like a fresh filled syringe.
And now that I've had you,
I've restarted my binge.

Lost in buildings,
Surrounded by lights,
The roar of the engine,
As my two sides fight.

Another hour,
Lost in your new town.
Watching him kiss your cheek,
Reaching for the tourniquet again.

I thought I was lonely,
When she held my hand,
But you've left me alone,
In a sea that never sees land.

Another kiss is nothing like what you've already achieved.

Oh I want you over and over again,
We are young,
We are alive.
This is another night,
Another night we are together in our minds.
And our hearts are entwined,
We are young,
And I am alive,
Because you are mine.
All because you are mine.

Girl I'll show you my nightmare,
My shattered dreams end without you,
And yet I'm still alive.

Girl I'll show you a nightmare,
A world where you don't care,
Where your heart was never mine,
Where we're lost again in time.

And Girl I'll show you a dream,
Where your heart is mine.
And my life begins with you,
Time after time.

You know,
Scarlet eyes bring me home.
Muddy fingertips and ****** fears,
Jokes laughed about from long past years.

Torn apart from legs and lace,
We've all seem to have forgotten our place.
Where did all my friends go tonight?
A sweet taste and bitter sight.

But you've all forgotten,
What it's like to forgive and forget.
I've lost myself,
In pages cold and steel hard wit.

Where did you go,
When did you leave?
Hold your breath,
You can no longer breathe.

Forgive and forget,
It's what friends do.
But you've all gone mad,
And can't remember what's true.

Rumors lost and friends misplaced,
I've lost you all in this rotting place.
Now all I've got is memories,
And a chemical taste.

Tell me it's the air you breathe,
That's got me hooked like this,
Tell me I've stopped my lungs,
And detoxed from the air I missed.
Now life keeps coming my way,
Another night, another ******* day.
Long drives and headlights,
Just for a fix,
Baby tell me it's just the ******* air I miss.

A single flower,
In a harvest moon.
So beautiful,
Yet so Alone.
Surrounded by many,
Yet so fine.
If I pick her,
Might she be mine?

I can hear the rain,
As it drips through the pane.
I know I'll feel better at the window,
Hoping a breeze will take me away.

But all I hear is,
I don't love you,
I don't love you like I did him.
I don't love you,

(I love you like you love him)

Can we still dream,
Frozen nights, but I'm still warm,
With you by my side.
Running laughter, through pouring rain.

And I can eat your heart out,
When he no longer speaks your name.

But all I hear is,
I don't love you,
I don't love you like I did him.
I don't love you,

(I love you like you love him)

All I hear is,
He doesn't love me,
He doesn't love me like before.
He doesn't love me,

(I could love you like he never could)


I could love you,
Til the stars burn red.
I will love you,
Til I am dead.

(I love you.
I love you like he never did.
But now there's nothing left of us,
But my broken heart and your lace,
I wish I left something more than scratches,
Etched into your skin.)

She awakes from twisted dreams,
To find love nestled,
Between crossing streams.

These skies break open,
And spill over me.
Like diamonds to the sun,
Forever they breathe.

They spin like gems,
Floating over broken glass.
I lay motionless in white,
Watching you slowly pass.
(Just smile for me)

And I feel like we could be,
Could be heroes if we set our minds to the goal,
Just stay with me and scream one, two, three,
Here we go!
(We could be heroes in the end)

If the end is just a tunnel,
With a light running above.
I feel like I’ll be failing,
To open the letter sealed with your love.
(Could you please just smile for me?)

And as I lie on broken glass,
An inch above the shard,
I feel myself floating,
And digging my grave in your backyard.
Because Seattle was never the place,
For a boy like me.
Another shot of morphine,
And I’ll be floating free.

We could be heroes in the end,
If the days would only die.
And the stars could split beside the moon and sun,
And you could fall from the sky.

She said,
“Honey let me tell you what you mean to me.”
My reply whispered so softly,
“I could never mean the same you do.”

“You're so close to me I can barely breathe,
And I'm loving ever second of it.
But I think you want more,
Than a girl like me can handle.”

I left the room so I could pray,
She turned and left from the other way.
Nothing could have prepared me for this,
I never should have told her...

You'll never be a star to me,
You'll forever be the whole sky.
I'll hold out forever,
Til the sun explodes and I lose my thoughts.

Tell me,
What's it like to know you're loved?
What's it like to know...
What's it like to know...

You mean something, to somebody out there somewhere?
To know you'll never be alone.
I could follow your footsteps,
And still feel colder than stone.

So tell me darling What's it like to know,
You're loved,
You're loved,
You're loved and you'll never be alone?

Come on darling tell me,
I'll never be alone.

With everyday I **** myself,
Thinking of you.
I've found love in the sunset,
And yet it's not the one I need.

I'd follow my heart if it didn't hurt me before,
I just want to know what your kiss tastes like.
But bleeding red is the only way,
To make me feel like I'm home.

When did you decide that you found love,
Lost under the sun,
When did I become just another,
“Oh he's just a friend.”

With every breath I take,
I'm becoming the heartless,
Building this cage,
******* hating every step.

And I just want to let you know,
That one day everything will be okay.
When I'm shaking hands with the devil,
And he makes me relive every memory of you.

There’s a stranger in my head,
There’s nothing left of me.
He’s clawing his way in,
And I’m holding out desperately.

Left in a jacket,
My arms tied behind my back.
Nothing all around me,
I’m missing this sense I lack.

He’s watching from the bars,
A wicked grin on his face.
There’s nothing left of me,
Nothing for you to trace.

This asylum is beautiful,
Horrid in design.
But when I find my room,
There’ll be no more me to find.

My blood splattered,
Across three hopeless walls.
I’m walking forever,
Stuck within these halls.

He’s taken over everything,
And found a door to my mind.
There’s nothing left for me,
Than to shiver and to hide.

Nothingness makes hiding,
Such a wonderful chore.
He’s in my mind,
He’s found my hidden door.

Sitting in the dungeon,
Of this deep dark recess.
I’m searching for a way,
To start over fresh.

If I could only wipe it clean,
And wash away this slate.
Then I could expel him,
And leave myself to fate.

Wiping away nothingness,
Is harder than it seems,
For how can I clean,
That which cannot be seen.

So take my heart,
And hold it safe.
I’m burrowing in,
And giving all that it will take.

Just promise you’ll be there,
When He’s gone from my mind.
It’ll take more than me,
To save what I can find.

This man in my dreams,
And the man in my mind,
Move so much quicker,
Than I can hope to hide.

So I give it all,
And you have my heart.
But it won’t be long,
Before I depart.

How does it feel to get lost in my head?
Planting flowers for the long past dead,
They say they know what it tastes like,
But they couldn't learn to like you if they tried.

Another down,
I'm feeling it this time.
Nearly too numb to feel you,
But too numb to breathe.

This static love is killing me,
Like star crossed lovers, and Destiny.

Like a knife,
You can't cut too deep.

Do you know what it's like?
To feel too numb, to feel too numb to feel?
These lines leave me nothing,
But your face again.

Heaven seems a long dead star,
Hell is just another friend.
Sometimes I wonder,
If I'll ever see this end.

I'm nearly too numb to feel you,
Already too numb to breathe.
But another pill is nothing like,
The pain you've achieved.