I remember the tears,
I remember the hurt,
I remember the fear
There was no food, no money, just yells of desperation.
Life was mundane, or maybe it was the hunger?
I vowed, I would never suffer , cry or go hungry that day.
& yet I did all three this week, its ironic.
You can have everything in the world , everything you dreamed.
Everything you wanted. . . but still feel so powerless,
life is a roller coaster, we are its occupants.
I will vow again, but that will just be lying.

Across the room, you smile.
Hand in hand with your child,
her arm locked around yours, eyes bright full of gold.
"what a beautiful family" someone comments.

But I know the darkness, the hidden, the bad dream.
The tears, the echo in your soul,
that screams as you're trapped.

Their joy is built, on your pain.
Each step you take to run away, each memory that pulls you back.
The deceit, the despair, the life you built.
Your own punishment for pushing away what we both know.

Our love a vibrant tapestry of love and whispered promises,
painted black, consumed by the anguish in my heart.
this dull ache that blooms in my chest,
that rips and cracks at my ribs,
the truth, pushes my facade.
I am not okay, those instagram photos, its not me, thats not okay.
But there is not a world where we don't collide,
where our souls diverge,
the truth, reverberates through this longing soul,
you're better without me,
don't stay, don't fight it, run, take your things. . .
I'll be okay, I'll love you forever,
that is why I am giving up this fight,
let there be one fool in a broken love. . . so please live.

I'm tired of waiting,
with open arms and this longing heart,
this anxiety of hearing your voice,
this dread of dreaming. . .
of those nights, past, present and fictitious
I am tired of waiting,
until we meet in our next life.

Turn off the lights,
hide my flaws,
just love me in the dark.

The song of youth is quick, the curtain falls.
It concludes from grandeur to silent halls.
No more applause, No encores,
Just chasms amongst the skin, as shadow linger, memories ache.
Will you still love me? Asking the question you already know.
Changes nothing. . .

The room spins, in our mind this is a silent waltz.
Two alcohol induced souls, the musics gone,
the lights are low , yet we dance and continue to put on our show.

No more twirls, no dipping low
Just whispers between two strangers,
Your eyes, mirrors. Reflecting a heart thats incomplete,
a lonely soul.

The dancing's done, the night is dark,
yet in this anguish, I contemplate,
was it love or lust? the silence of my own anguish,
Longing for love, wondering if was the stranger at the bar.