I would give him a piece of my mind
Scream
Tell him how every single problem I have is his fault
But even then
He wouldn't get it

He'd say I'm crazy
That I'm young
That my mom got in my head
When she's the one who says not to argue
He doesn't understand that I still have feelings
And opinions
And that they come from me

He sends me a message
I want to respond
"*******"
I even typed it out
But don't send it

He would go insane
And my mom would suffer from that
So I just say
"Okay"

Bite my tongue
Be grateful it's not worse
Take the manipulations
But make sure to record it for later
So I can recognize them

I might love him
To some extent
He is my father after all
But I can't remember a time
When I had liked him
As a parent
Or a person

I don't say any of it

Is she worth it, the stress, the pain, the hurt?
The tears as you beg her not to leave.
Is it her smile? That brings you comfort and warmth?
Is it her anger and jealousy? That makes you feel wanted?
Is the scratches or the bruises? I hear your reasons why.
She breaks your heart, steals your pride.
Leaving you shattered, incomplete,
She is a parasite, that has you caught in her treacherous tide.
I want to yell, I love you, I am here for you, be happy.
But I know you don't love me in that way,
But you are strong enough, my friend, to love yourself,
to choose yourself, to leave.

This orchestra within my heart,
its constant hum, it takes over my soul.
Each string that is strung, each swing of the bow,
a reminder of the lost thats lost, and this yearning.

I yearn to see your face, your eyes,
I could have done more for you,
I could have re-done that moment,
I could have, I could have, I could have,
Please, stop this endless whisper in my heart.
I could have done more, I could have been more,
I could have loved more, I could have, I could have, I could have.
End it all, please, end this damnation,
For me to meet you once more.

Barefoot, on the concrete porch.
Quiet smiles and loving eyes.
We were young, dumb, but not naive.
Finding solace in one another's embrace,
yearning for love, but knowing its only lust.
For a second we built a world within this lie,
quiet understanding youthful truce.
we loved for a second in time,
amidst the ordinary beauty of life's simple refrains,
you kissed me goodbye, "I'll call you later", that was a life.
We both knew, our love was ardent and fast,
a refuge from the storm of solitude.

The sounds of his sleep-filled snores, a polyrhythm.
To the echoes in my aching hollowed chest,
His eyelashes, beautiful, but a constant reminder,
Of what was loved, lost, and still in the back of my mind.
In this anguish of the sleepless nights.

He tosses and turns, in his slumberous shifts, his hand seeks mine.
Comfort and warmth, instinct, but not delight.
In his touch, my stomach churns in disgust, at myself.
I yearn for your touch, I yearn for your warmth,
Your embrace, that seeks solace against my body, which is burning alive.

This cruel irony, he loves me so.
This closeness, this warmth,
whispered lies of "I love you"
eyes that trace the ceiling, each imperfection, a reminder of this imperfect life.
Each creak, of this house, of words unsaid.
Each snore, a measure of my acting in this trance,
Unbind me from this torture, unbind me from your love.
I miss you so , I miss you so, please set me free
so I can love again.

Rosemary Citrus, the scent of you clings, a shroud
of broken promises, whispered words of appeasement.
Your mouth, a strawberry, ripe upon the tongue,
sweet, smooth and beautiful, but this tune is already played out.

Your touch, a bitter sun that burned away the cold.
Your voice, a violent vine that ensnares my heart.
The memories, untamed, phantom limbs of pain.
"you need to lose weight", "you don't try hard enough", "stop complaining".

Save me , break me from you roots that hold me down.
Let me feel the fire again, as I am burning alive.
Embrace me in his grace, his fire, his warmth, that burns you away.
So go, sweet young love from yesterday.
I love you, I love you, I love you,
but I choose to love myself.