is this gonna hurt? I wonder,
I watch from behind a wall you built,
the world of strangers you let in,
while I am kept in the dark,
they see your sun-drenched momemnts,
your laugther, such effortless easae,
as I stand alone , begging you to notice me.

You give everyone all your pieces,
of a life you guard from me,
kindness for those who never did a thing for you,
a love I'll never see.
This pit in my heart does not heal,
I can't stop the bleeding, as I pour all I have for you,
there is no thank you, no care in the world,
just silence, an echo, empty , hue.

Just when I begin to heal,
to stand tall, in a world where we dont collide,
you come back like a storm,
and I fall at your feet,
your touch soft, subtle, loving,
but your mind, says "you dont care"
it tears my world apart.

The future I dreamed of is fading to black,
this is going to hurt, I try to sedate it,
to bottle it in, but it does not work.,
I start to a imagine a world where there was no us.,
So please, make it easy,
let me go, don't get angry, don't have a care in the world,
we dont have to fix this ,we don't have to stay,
I'll love you either way,
but time will heal, and the sun will rise tomorrow, and it'll be okay.

what is this feeling?
this chasm of sorrow,
dark, grey, winter desolate landscape,
stripped bare of stark honesty,
a quietude of profund truth,
yet, this despair is not a void, but a mirror,
for this is the essence of love,
longing, craving, wishing, dreadful, pain.
needing to reinvent onself, chasing perfection,
chained to mimetic thoughts of improvement,
but for who?him or you?
3 am thoughts, that never leave,
6 am thoughts of pleasing,
12 pm thoughts of longing,
3 pm thoughts of craving
6 pm thoughts of wishing,
9 pm thoughts of dread
12 am thoughts of pain.
what is this feeling?
is it love?

There is internal bitterness inside me,
past, present, that lives in silence,
haunting the future that is to come,

Time is everlasting,

its Tumultuous waves,
drown me,

yesterday, Today, are always now.
help me escape from this bitterness
help me escape from you

Like an immense sunflower petal,
dawn's soft light unfolds,
there is no sound,
no traffic,
there is only light,
that escapes those eyes, I came to love,
gone as fast as it bloomed.

I was supposed to have forgotten you,
put us to rest in peace,
Tell me, why are you still in my head?
      "how are you"
Tell me, are other lips kissing you?
      "kiss me"
Tell me, if I'm still in your head?
       " tell me you love me"
Tell me, did you cover up our matching tattoo?
       " with her name"

Please, I'll sell my soul if I could forget you.,
   these memories, drain me, **** me.,
       Please, If I deserved this Karma,
             save me, save me, save me
                for I can not hide this pain of longing
                      I can't breathe,
                       save me, save me,
                             I can't live,
                                   save me,
                                       for this love is killing me.

I know you're looking at me,
but you don't see me
wanting me in the moment,
but not to stay,

this wound on my skin, it aches. . .

exposed, my naked soul
telling you, dress me
we jump without direction,
just tell me when, don't tell me no

unkept promises, plans we didn't make. . .
I know there is no destination,
no road trips, no airports that suit us,
this wound is walking alone, with me, chasing you. .

I want to dance with luck,
and for it to tell me that you see me,
that you're coming back.
But its already stepping on my toes,
always a mistake from getting it right, failing you, failing me.

We know its wrong, but we always insist, on returning.
Knowing that everything breaks, everything aches,
telling you to sew me, back together,
just tell me, if you love me, how much? Because I'm losing strength.
you say you're doing this for us, but its just for you, and that's okay.
I tie myself up, in these memories. .  

We all have that person that tore us into a million pieces. . .
that makes us "rebuild ourselves" alone,
I want to be able to breath, I know I have to,
I want to change my mood, I long, I want to learn to love again. .

I know you look at me, but don't see me,
because if you did, you would not break me,
I prefer a wound on my skin, a cut on my arm, death,
for I say tomorrow ill be fine,
but I cant forget,
doubts keep killing me,
my soul is naked and exposed, it shows on my face
it begs dress me, dress me, dress me,
love me. .
I'm sorry

Our first kiss tasted like forever,
we grew up poor, different , outcasted.
Your eyes, once bright, filled with smiles.
Do you remember the math class, where we sat in silence. .
It was just me and you. .
Do you remember the nights of longing, touch and desire.
We planned our future. .
Do you remember when I told you in college "**** it lets run away"
Without hesitation my ride and die said "lets go"
Remember those memories, remember the happiness, remember me.
Your eyes, once bright, are dimming,
I am chasing a shadow, a ghost of my loved one, who is still living.
All for what? A different kind of high,
was I not enough, were we not enough?
the man who looks back at me,
is a stranger in our home,
please let me fill whatever void haunts you,
I'll be kinder,
I'll be funnier,
I'll try harder,
come back to me, I feel my heart losing patience,
a fading memory of love,
I grasp each memory, through your distance, through your screams,
through your anger.
but this grip loosens,
it slips away into this world,
of grief for you're alive,
but dead to me.
I loved you,
I am trying to love you
through this life you chose. . .
I'm sorry.