I know you're looking at me,
but you don't see me
wanting me in the moment,
but not to stay,

this wound on my skin, it aches. . .

exposed, my naked soul
telling you, dress me
we jump without direction,
just tell me when, don't tell me no

unkept promises, plans we didn't make. . .
I know there is no destination,
no road trips, no airports that suit us,
this wound is walking alone, with me, chasing you. .

I want to dance with luck,
and for it to tell me that you see me,
that you're coming back.
But its already stepping on my toes,
always a mistake from getting it right, failing you, failing me.

We know its wrong, but we always insist, on returning.
Knowing that everything breaks, everything aches,
telling you to sew me, back together,
just tell me, if you love me, how much? Because I'm losing strength.
you say you're doing this for us, but its just for you, and that's okay.
I tie myself up, in these memories. .  

We all have that person that tore us into a million pieces. . .
that makes us "rebuild ourselves" alone,
I want to be able to breath, I know I have to,
I want to change my mood, I long, I want to learn to love again. .

I know you look at me, but don't see me,
because if you did, you would not break me,
I prefer a wound on my skin, a cut on my arm, death,
for I say tomorrow ill be fine,
but I cant forget,
doubts keep killing me,
my soul is naked and exposed, it shows on my face
it begs dress me, dress me, dress me,
love me. .
I'm sorry

Our first kiss tasted like forever,
we grew up poor, different , outcasted.
Your eyes, once bright, filled with smiles.
Do you remember the math class, where we sat in silence. .
It was just me and you. .
Do you remember the nights of longing, touch and desire.
We planned our future. .
Do you remember when I told you in college "**** it lets run away"
Without hesitation my ride and die said "lets go"
Remember those memories, remember the happiness, remember me.
Your eyes, once bright, are dimming,
I am chasing a shadow, a ghost of my loved one, who is still living.
All for what? A different kind of high,
was I not enough, were we not enough?
the man who looks back at me,
is a stranger in our home,
please let me fill whatever void haunts you,
I'll be kinder,
I'll be funnier,
I'll try harder,
come back to me, I feel my heart losing patience,
a fading memory of love,
I grasp each memory, through your distance, through your screams,
through your anger.
but this grip loosens,
it slips away into this world,
of grief for you're alive,
but dead to me.
I loved you,
I am trying to love you
through this life you chose. . .
I'm sorry.

"you know I don't care"
this knot in my chest, is it pride or longing,
his apathy, a stab in the heart,
did it mean nothing, when I held your hand?
did it mean nothing when we gazed into each other's eyes,
did it mean nothing , the gazes, smiles and tears.
each time I try to pull and hide,
you pull me back in with a flicker of belief that glows,
let me go, leave me alone,
perhaps you don't know each crack you make,
for this painful truth, is that I am scared of hating you,
scared of not "caring", so please I beg let me go.

I never wished you bad,
    I wish you the best, after you broke me.
What is stolen departs,
    & when I cried and you laughed,
I never was your enemy,
    for the love you want , you wont find in him.
your eyes will watch, his distant gaze,
     as it continues to depart, for another's bloom
          that will mirror my ghost.
that will be your constant fear,
            for everything in life is paid in one way,
and he will do the same thing to you.
            I just wish you realize, before you're in my place.

A single ugly monster keychain remains,
it whispers through the garbage juice stains,
I'm sorry I threw it away, and dug it from the trash once more.
memories surge, of your sly smile, the subtle wink and the dominating gaze.
free me from these half-forgotten dreams.

I trace each line upon your face, your eyes, your mouth
searching for an answer , why, why why?
I want to be near you, I want to feel the warmth,
only to dig myself more into this hole of longing.
this keychain is all I hold, please , give me the strength to throw it away, to throw us away.
I am weak, for this story tragically untold.
wanting, longing, pleading, hoping.

Today was the first day of silence,
no answer,
no text,
the message was simple and hurtful,
it was goodbye.

To my bright heart.

i'm sorry,
for the way i let you linger,
in solitude,
of their indifference.

sorry for the nights,
i ignored your cries,
chasing circles,
like I always do,
of unreturned affection.

forgive me,
for handing your warmth,
to hands that broke it.

i should have loved you better,
i'll take this pain and turn it into something better
for both of us, i promise
I'm loving me. . .
this time and forever.