How the wild flickering shadows are dancing a cold orange dance on my wall.
Lights are off, that way I can see better with my eyes closed.

I can smell the cold. I inhale it and welcome it into my body.
A hollow heart filled with love, it is flowing over and it eats my soul.

Whispering..NO screaming with my mouth shut tight.
Desire of burning it away, resisting harmful fire.

Do not stick your hand into the flame. Do not stick your hand into my burning heart.
For it will tear it apart, until there is nothing left.

All paint scratched away, screaching sounds of metal and ringing bells.
Can you hear the wind? It blows fierce upon these plains.

Those old stones, forgotten loves and missed chances.
A graveyard of dreams filled with wooden crosses for those unanswered cries.

Daisy (12:57 AM):  Please please please...
Daisy (1:02 AM):  I was laying down earlier, and without asking me any sort of permission, the image of Nathan with some other girl in his arms, in his room, laughing smiling, the whole idea came vividly to mind, and it crushed. It felt like someone stood on my chest and stomped. My computer was making aim noises and I didn't want to talk to anyone, I got up anyway. Now it's later, and I've shoved the thought from my mind. Now I'm alone, everyone's gone to sleep, my hair is clean, I'm alone. Damien Rice's voice pours out my speaker and my eyes overflow. I guess once I finally thought I was really really over him, it had to come back and hit me in the face. I'm so sick of sounding so stupid. It doesn't even make sense,
Daisy (1:03 AM):  I shouldn't be tied to him after everything. My soul is crushed.
Daisy (1:06 AM):  Sobs reach up my throat and sneak out of my mouth, filling the air, thick with sorrow, like fog. Like cigarette smoke, like smog, from thousands of cars. Why is it that i have to suffer like this for one who left me so abruptly. "I still think about you every day that passes." He said to me, and i probably believed it. He doesn't know, and thinks everything I say is some stupid dream, he answers me skeptically and full of scorn. I could scream, with my back arched in pain. Let all I ever had to say come out of me in one fluid motion.
Daisy (1:11 AM):  These are answers I'll never get. Learn to live like your very own bone marrow has been stripped from you. Week and empty.

The sound of screeching train brakes.
Metal over metal, while those raindrops smash into the window
slowly falling down.
A pink sky burns away the streetlights on a road so desolate,
And no camera in my backpack.
Its the scent of standing on a roof and hearing how the wind whispers through that lonely tree that grows on top of it.
With a view far beyond the city limits.
The sweet taste of tiramisu ice cream and how she curls her lips.
Its that rusty soda can that hides for ages in the dirt.
And it takes ages to make food above a fire, yet a second to lose a friend.
Watching how the moon transforms.

Memories, those moments we take with us on our path.

Running through subway tunnels,
finding peace down under only to return back into my mess.
I remember how we used to walk those tracks for miles laughing/cursing life.
Smoking herbs on top of buildings, hearing gunshots in the streets.
Climbing walls, holes in my hands.
blood mixed with alcohol,  at times my only friends.
How that glass smashed through my arm leaving me with stitches and those days I lost my hope.
Those floors and beds in places we claimed to be our own.
He told me "keep on walking" and I wonder is he still alive?

Memories, those moments we take with us on our path.

That new years eve we left eachother cursing after a smashed bottle of *****.
We used to drop freestyles in the park and drink away the night.
It still hurts me that you died and left me here behind.
You put a mirror up in front of my face, and showed me my own end.
I learned alot from your mistakes and I hope you have your peace now.
You saw angels in the streets, and now I see them too.
At times not only angels, black demon dogs appearing from the myst.
Chasing us like crazy and when lost, they came again the next day.
Some things I cant explain.

Memories,  those moments we take with us on our path.

As I sit here now, broke, I look back upon my life.
Thankful for the madness and the lessons I have learned.
I wish for something different, yet some things do not depend on me.
No clear path to walk like usual, hope that this works out.
I will always have myself, my camera my memories and dreams.
The road, the tracks, the rusted soda cans. Harbours full with ships.
The rain, the moon, and those cities full with life.
One year left to freeze my time, crossroads without end.
And in the end, the laughter and the tears are always worth it.

Dreams, those moments that drag us through our past.

Du warst meine kleine Aufklaerung
Obwohl ich noch lange nicht erwacht bleibe
Ohne dich fuehle ich die Waende
Und dreh mich den Kopf im Kreis
Bevor dich war der Horizont leer
Jetzt *******er unfassbar, so wie die Erinnerung an dir
Und alles ist ok so, weil man sehnt immer nach
Unmoegliches
Unmoegliches bist du
Ich werde immer besessen davon
Besessen von dir


[You were my small Enlightenment
Although I long since remain unawakened
Without you I feel the walls
And turn my head in a circle
Before you was the horizon empty
Now it appears intangible, like the memory of you
And everything is ok this way, because one always longs for the impossible
You are the impossible
With which I will always be obsessed
Obsessed with you]

To the boy who works at the corner store;
With  your lush deep, dark skin.
You made my day; flirting with me.
It's silly; I know.
I was having a ****** day.

She kept talking about the blood,
how it fell, how it wouldn't stop.
She believed in it so sincerely that you could feel it in her skin
and the way she held your face so that you couldn't look away.
It scared you how she could speak so beautifully,
how easily she could persuade you to follow her,
no matter where she went.

In her dreams, nothing could be more real.
The sarcastic smiles, casual conversations.
Everyone she touched, someone new,
someone she'd never seen before.
Never bothering to learn their names,
they weren't as important as their bodies.
It was alright that she acted this way,
she never pretended to be something she wasn't.

The dirt underneath her nails,
that filled her pockets,
was from the beach.
She was always correcting him,
"Not sand, *******."
Always with a smile.
He would stare at her, and she would try to read his mind.
She'd tickle him, but he'd shake her off,
she'd try to hold him, but he'd slip out of her grasp.

Anger: consumed.
She grabbed the broom, tied a shirt to her head,
jumped onto the table, (knocking his breakfast onto the floor),
"My dimples are waiting!" She screamed.
He stared at her like he had never seen her before.
She'd never gotten that look, not even the first time he saw her,
he'd always known her, (somehow).
Her face dropped, as did her body.
(and the table shook as he watched her fall).
He stood up, expecting something.

Indifference: something terrifying when it comes to love.
They kissed as though it would be their last.
She was social, he liked that, and he tried to escape himself,
(she encouraged it).
They loved each other, enough to forget the world,
(but not quite).
They laughed together, so much that their ribs cracked,
(like his voice so often did).

It seemed like they were lost in each other,
and they were.
He would ask her questions,
but she wouldn't always answer.


Confusion: it's something they hated.
She spread her body on the table, and he undressed her.
(with that same expression)
They had never done this before, but they kept at it.
(he left the shirt on her head)
He made no move, he washed himself with her image.
(she loved it)
Sweeping up his breakfast, his eyes fixed on her.
(as always)
They both loved it.

You look like a ******* rockstar.
Orange hair all over the place.
Holding your face like a glass of wine.
Your lips, pierced in their perfection, snakebites.
I'll go crazy.
Your smile, sharp and perfect.
White teeth.
The way you walk with your fingers curled around a cigarette
Seeign those lips blow smoke
So sure of yourself
In your huge dark sunglasses

You're lifting me up to the stars.
we're sitting cross-lagged on the moon.
Drinking coffee in the clouds.
Your eyes are as deep as ever;
I'm tripping over your laughter;
Ringing inside me;
Falling into your eyes.

I'm trailing off mid-sentence,
"cause you're smiling and I can't get past it.
Never thought I'd stop being broken;
Like a bone taken under a train.

Something about the way you talk.
                       The way you don't talk.
Makes me stop.
Just to mess up your hair.
And stop the world for a second.
Skip over the reality.

Just for a minute.