Andrea

Andrea Mar 2013

Moods

I don't know.
I'm just so confusing.

One day,
I'll want nothing but your
large hands
tracing lines
on my cold body.

Then, I'll want to rip my skin off
because of your ***** fingers
being etched into
my skin.
Symbolically, of course.

And I'll want to do is sit and mope
and be depressed.
I'll want to completely ignore you.
I'll turn off my phone,
maybe keep it on, to show you I'm in no mood.

But on the other hand,
I love when you come after me.
Grab my arms and look at me.
But really look at me, right in the eyes.
"I love you."

Maybe this is why
I can't help but be alone.
Because I don't want to put you through all of this.
All of me.
I'm sorry if you can't see it now.

But you will.
Of course you will.

Andrea Mar 2013

It's Gone

I love you more
than the ground beneath
my feet.

I love you more
than every breath I take
that sustains me.

I love you more
than the life I live;
each new day an adventure.

I don't love those things at all.

Andrea Mar 2013

I'll Be What You Wanted

Remember that saying,
Sticks and stones may break
my bones,
but words will never hurt
me?
They lied.
After a while,
those words will hurt you.
And so every puff of smoke
that comes from my weakened body.
Every ounce of food
that's not passing my
sensitive teeth,
will create a shield.
Your words won't hurt me
once there's nothing
for there to be words about.

Andrea Mar 2013

I Like You

I like your defiant voice.
It's like a breath of fresh air
in all the madness.
I don't know what you're trying to do,
but it's working.
You're such a hardass
but that one moment
of complete kindness
and care
and worry,
I could see it in your eyes.
And you reached out to touch me
then pulled away,
coming back to what actually is.

Andrea Mar 2013

What Will You Do?

Will you choose me,
use me,
and just abuse me?

Will you love me,
shove me,
thinking nothing of me?

Andrea Mar 2013

Untitled

The way the water runs crimson
is intriguing.
I must have more.
The stinging only lasts a few days
Unless you go too far.
The healing is concealable
wearing long pants all the time.
It's too risky on the arms now
what with this trending.
But really, does anyone give a ****?
Do your friends ever really care
if you're hurting yourself?
I'll tell you right now,
they don't.
And they probably never will.
If you keep your mouth shut,
you're golden.
If you open your ***** mouth
and spill, you're gone
exiled,
watched
you've lost everything
that was private to you.

But you love to watch the water run crimson.
You like that the burning lasts a few days,
don't you?
You don't mind long pants in the winter,
your friends don't ask.
You keep your mouth shut
and you're golden.
So honey,
rip up your skin,
create your own tattoos
and tell your own stories.

And remember every moment of marking yourself.
Because no one else will.

Andrea Mar 2013

Dreamland

Today I wanted to feel
my lungs burn
and turn to ashes.
Is it too much to ask
to **** myself?
Slowly, always
so
very
slowly.
Maybe, I know
exactly what I'm asking
for.

Is it so awful
to want to feel my eyes
sting?
The sour smell invigorating
my mind.
I wanted to inhale,
exhale.
Fly, drift,
and float safely on a cloud.
I guess I'd have to come down
to Earth
eventually.

Then I wanted your hands
grazing my shaking thighs.
Quiet kisses on my droopy lids
as you say "You're beautiful,
sweetheart."
We could spend an afternoon
falling on top of each other
and getting tangled up
in a mix of lust.
Then I'll trip and fall,
waking up in
this sick reality.