I met a man today,
he wore deep blue metallic suit
and ugly black slippers.
He stood hunched before,
his voice barely a whisper.
This was a broken man,
his life lost,
and his world withered.
Yet,
he tried to lecture us
on the last thing he loved.
He taught us the melodies,
how to create golden hum.
Rich and deep,
with the vibrations of brass.
Pricking and steep,
from wind over reeds.
Still,
I sat there and wondered,
"will this be me?
A man alone?
Scruffy and bearded?
All hope gone?"
At once I relented,
slowly it crept,
brightening the cavern within my head,
the thought.
I knew at once
that it would not be so,
for I have many years left,
and thousands of places to go.
So I just need to watch my step,
after all my life is my own,
and steer my ship where I want it to go.

Trust me,
believe me,
it's really hard not to be happy these days.
A lot of things bring a smile to my face
and make me want to stay.
I like to live among the whitecaps
and taste the cool marine air.
I like to take lazy walks throughout town,
with a stiff wind messing my hair.
The sunshine blinds me,
but honestly that's okay.
As long as I'm here,
and it's this day today
I'll always be happy,
happy enough to stay.
Of course it's still there,
dark and brooding.
Sometimes it resurfaces,
my mind uprooted.
But then I look around
at all this natural beauty
and I think to myself,
"What am I doing?
I'm not done,
there's plenty more here for me.
Let's go have some fun,
in this wonderful saltwater land
by the sea."
Will you take my hand,
and traipse about?
Will you come with me,
and dance in this small town by the sea?

If I sat here right now
And held it to my head,
I think I could pull the trigger.
I could send a piece of hot lead
Flying straight and true
Through my ****** up head.
I’m sure you’d be surprised,
Wonder why I’d done it,
Why the hell I was dead.
You’d say that there was a lot for me here,
That I had a life worth living.
Look at it how I do:
I’m seventeen,
Still early in life,
Yet my head is so ****** up.
I hate my mind.
If it’s so bad now,
How will it be then?
Would I be able to function?
Would I be living a life full of hatred?
Manic depression,
Bipolarity,
And paranoia.
These things all plague me.
They are badges that I wear
Not represented by my acceptances
Or my grade point average.
To top it all off,
I feel so severely alone.
I’ve begun to live my life mindlessly,
Like a human drone.
I numb myself,
And you see me smile,
But that’s just a mask
That I can don for a while.
I see no point in going any further.
I’m that kid at the party,
Who just sits and hurts more.
The one thing that consoles me,
But strikes fear and panic attacks,
Is the fact that god does not exist.
He plays no part.
So when we die,
That is the end.
We live our lives,
Never again.
So taking mine has a certain finality,
An ultimate end.
It’s a ceasement of pain,
A darkness that the
Mind cannot comprehend.
If I held that gun now,
I could do it.
I could really do it,
My friend.

If I felt the cool steel in my hand right now,
Could I do it?
Would the rough diamond pattern be comforting?
Would it be encouraging?
It’s actually really simple.
You pull back here,
Use your thumb to flick a switch there,
And squeeze.
Could I muster the courage,
And numb my mind?
Could I ignore my fears
And wipe away the tears that make me blind?
Sometimes,
I think so.
It’s often enough.
I think that no one would miss me.
I’ve never been loved.
I guess that’s what’s keeping,
The one and undeniable fact
That I’ve never loved.

I’ve got a pain in my head,
It might be a migraine
Or I might be almost dead.
I can barely see through this pain.
It’s got that smell,
And that distinct taste.
It’s like a little bit of ozone
Trapped within my head,
Forcing my eyes out.
It makes me wish,
That I were dead.
I don’t know what causes it,
But it happens often enough.
It could be a symptom
Of all these problems I have.
It could be a product
Of all these thoughts
Whizzing through my head.
I can’t make them stop,
And they won’t let me sleep.
I’m about ready to drop,
Sprawled at your feet.
I’m done with it all,
Please help me.
Because these thoughts,
That cause me so much pain,
Have a single source.
It’s you who makes me hate my brain.

It’s midnight,
And that terrible day is soon upon us.
That day on which I’ve never had anyone,
On which I’ve never asked anyone.
No one’s been mine,
And I haven’t been anyone’s.
So my question here,
The one that’s kept me awake,
Is “should I ask you?”
Is it too late?
Can my life
Intertwine with yours?
I want to ask,
But it seems cliché.
So many men do so on that day.
These men are not men though,
We all are boys.
We have no guidance,
And we have no choice.
We need to try,
And fail if we must.
We need to pour out our hearts
In warm windy gusts.
I know I want to ask you,
But I don’t know how or when.
If I ask you,
On one wintry day,
To take a walk in a blizzard with me,
You must simply say,
What exactly you feel.
That one simple question,
Phrased exactly like that,
Means that you are important to me.
Hell, more than that.

I now know
that this experience,
in the howling wind and blinding snow,
Is exactly what I was looking for in life.
But it feels empty,
it's just not the same
when I'm trudging on alone.
I want to share this with someone one.
The exhaustion,
the cold,
the feeling of exhilarating glee.
That feeling
that my life does not belong to me.
I want to get inside,
and take a shower,
drink some tea,
and watch movie for hours.
Bust it's just not the same,
when you do it alone,
because you can lose yourself in thought
and the pain just grows.
So if I ever ask to take a walk
in that howling wind and blinding snow.
Take a second,
give it some thought.
It's my way of saying I care,
you know.