now that i'm broken are you whole? because you might not have meant it, but i did. every "i love you" was true. every look and smile i gave you showed it, i'd do anything to have you back. but i meant what i said, i'd risk my own happiness for yours.

did you know you're still on my mind?
did you know i haven't moved on?
did you know i read our old conversations when i'm lonely?
did you know i still have ours pictures hanging up on my wall?
did you know i cry at night?
did you know....
i still love you.

i stood next to you today. did you notice me? did you think about what we used to be? memories flooding your brain like rushing water. did it make you miss me? the little laugh i used to do when you complimented me, the way my heart skipped beats when i caught you staring, the way my breathing would hitch when you wrapped your arms around me. because it hit me all at once and i realized where i really was. what we really were now. strangers. all of the late night conversations, moments where we just looked at each other completely in love, holding hands walking down the street, cuddling underneath blankets after a day in the lake. all to be forgotten. we are now strangers.

its okay to miss him. you miss him until your heart can't anymore, because that's how we teenage girls work. we don't realize our first love really wasn't our first love until we've really had it. everyday is new and every new person you meet could be the next one you never know who you could be with in the end and i think that's what so exciting about life.

everyone else has moved on including you, but i'm still here stuck in these in between states of i love you and i want to move on. it's been three weeks today. when i see you in the hallways acting like nothing happened, that's when it really kills me. because you, with your words, your smile, your touch, messed me up bad. and now here i am still broken apart waiting for you to realize what has happened and come piece me back together with you words, your smile, your touch.

i said i love you

i said if you want out please leave before its too late

i even showed you where the door was

but you said no we can make it

you said i love you more

and i trusted every word you said

but then you got bored and found someone else to sleep in your bed

and you showed me love wasn't in your vocabulary

i wrote you nine pages,
you said four words

i ran a hundred miles to you,
you walked one