im okay.

i have so many questions. like why am i here, what's my purpose?
i don't want to be here anymore. i'm all done trying to "fight". i'm all done trying to "push positive thoughts".
i know it's unfair to think this while other don't have a choice.
but i have no positivity left. no fight left.
i'm totally and completely lost.
i'm drained.

i'm trying to fight this.
i'm stuck in my own head, drowning in my thoughts.
letting them take control of my feelings and actions.
i'm sick of people trying to understand my "high school struggles"
because that's just it.
no one causes this.
it's within me.

how to love your body.

one of the most important things they dont teach you in school.

please remember to look in the mirror and smile everyday.

it may not be what you want but if someone else will love it, why can't you?

these may not happen all at once but after finding the one, it will be so clear that this list is no longer a dream because you deserve it

- buy me flowers
- play scrabble with me
- ACTUALLY watch movies with me
- cuddle
- hold my hand in public without me asking
- say sweet things just because
- kiss my forehead/cheek
- ask to hang out with my family/me with his
- give me funny names
- try to help me with my problems
- just randomly dance with me
- tolerate my singing
- want to go on dates of me
- play in the snow with me
- go to a concert with me
- come shopping with me
- buy me edible arrangements
- let me do his makeup
- tell me what he's thinking
- let me cry in front of him and try to comfort me
- buy me dunks/me for him
- want to hang out with my friends
- walk me to some of my classes
- NEVER just give up on us
- kiss me when i'm/he's mad
- make me laugh
- support me
- NEVER make me doubt myself
- sleep (actually sleep) with me
- sleep (fun time) with me (after a long time)
- be my best friend
- ask about my feelings
- come to my lacrosse games
- let me borrow his clothes
- go for walks with me
- if they have a dog, let me cuddle with it
- smell good
- watch a t.v. series with me
- laugh at my jokes
- make me food (bagels:))

i want to go back to summer.

summer, with our sun kissed skin sitting out near the fire.

summer, with our sun bleached hair glinting in the moonlight.

summer, that one night in summer, where time stopped.

where we were the only people who could possibly be anywhere and everywhere at once, nothing could go wrong.

i miss our summer nights, but i miss you most.

you're in my rear view mirror, just barely visable.

with the one i care about in the passenger seat, with their caring words and warm heart.

i don't need to see if you're chasing after me anymore.