why do things that are destructive to you, and your health, just to benefit other people? you know, you're not obligated to set yourself on fire just to keep other people warm and you don't have to bite your tongue to the point where you feel like you don't have one anymore and it's not logical to cross oceans and seas for people when you're deathly afraid of drowning and they won't even bother to get their feet wet and you can't let someone hold power over just because you love them. oh no, no, no. no one should ever hold power over you. you are such a perfect arrangement of atoms. there's only one of you. you're special. you come first. you matter most. don't blatantly put yourself into harm's way without ever contemplating the outcome; especially if the person you're putting yourself into harm's way for isn't reciprocating the emotion.

I'M REALLY SORRY THAT I CAN NEVER BE YOUR MOON DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU WERE ALWAYS MY SUN. AND I'M REALLY SORRY THAT I TOOK ALL OF OUR INTELLECTUAL AND DEEP, TRUST FILLED TALKS AND CONVERSATIONS FOR GRANITE. AND I'M SORRY THAT MY FINGERS WILL NO LONGER TRACE DOWN YOUR SPINE AND MAKE YOU LAUGH. AND I'M SORRY THAT I CAN TRUHFULLY SAY THAT I WASN'T HE BEST OF A FRIEND TO YOU IN THE BEGINNING. AND I'M SORRY THAT I PUSHED YOU AWAY WHEN I REALLY WANTED YOU TO STAY. AND I'M SORRY THAT WE CAN ONLY HAVE CONVERSATIONS OVER PHONE THAT ARE SOMEWHAT AVERAGE. AND I'M SORRY THAT I MELT EVERY TIME YOU SAY SOMETHING SMOOTH AND YOU-LIKE AND SWEET. AND I'M SORRY THAT IM CLINGY NOW AND FOREVER WILL BE. AND I'M SORRY THAT THE ONLY EVER GOODBYE I CAN TRULY EVER GIVE TO YOU IS FRAMED IN BETWEEN THE WORDS OF I MISS YOU. AND I'M REALLY ******* SORRY THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT TRIED SO HARD TO PUSH THAT THOUGHT IDEA SO FAR OUT OF MY HEAD. and i'm really extremely sorry that it worked.

because i've come to find that love isn't found at the end of broken and shattered bottles. it doesn't just pour out of cup and it cannot just seep through my lips. i have figured out that love is not captivated inside of a medicine container and love can't just be swallowed down with a big glass of water. i've never really found love inside of the drawers in the corner in my room and nor have i found it in the empty shoe boxes that are stacked on the very top shelf of my closet. but where i have found love, is in you. because love, which i've come to find, is a note sticking to the side of a half-drunken bottle reading: Here, drink the rest. love just pours out of your lips when you slowly whisper to me, "you're unceasingly infatuating." i have finally figured out that love is stuck in the downward curl of your eyes when you give me the, "i'm only smiling for you," smile. i have always seemed to find love in the smell of your oversized t-shirt that you hate wearing and the one little bracelet that you never take off but that i now have. i have never really found love when i looked for it, but as soon i stopped looking, i found all of it in you.

your hands aren't made of fire,
but when we touched you left a burn on my skin

my skin isn't made a glass,
but you always seem to see what's within.

a tongue has no bones,
but it can break a heart.

and your tongue has proved that true,
because it tore my heart apart

i'm just a really sad poem with feet. my inner most thoughts and feelings are written all over me for everyone to see. i'm a freak show everyone sees just how unhappy i am with myself because i'm a poem and i'm supposed to express, right? isn't that what i'm supposed to do? well, i used to believe that i wanted to be the poem instead of the poet, but now, i think i change my mind.

more often than not and as cliche as it sounds, your face is one of the first things i think of when i wake up and one of the last i think about before i go to sleep. my eyes have always searched for you in a room full of people and always will my eyes drift in your direction when i know that you're anywhere in my vicinity. your laugh is my second favorite thing about you because your voice is my first. constantly do those two aspects or qualities of you resonate inside of my head day in and day out only making me want you more than i already do. i am in love with you. and as much as i hate letting those words roll off of my tongue and out of my mouth it's probably the most genuine and pure thing that i've admitted to in months. i've got to face it. i'm never going to be swept off of my feet by you, because the fact of the matter is, you don't want me. i won't ever be your first choice. there was never a day where you looked at me and thought of me as important or worthwhile investment to look into. i will never be important to you.. or even relevant. and i know this is gonna sound quite cheesy, but waves of disappoint crash on the shorelines of my chest way too hard when i think about the fact that my "person", is never in a million years going to be you.  for never in a month of sundays would i have thought that i would be head over heels for someone who's lips mine has never gotten the opportunity to grace. they say that once someone starts to love them self enough, they'll stop chasing after people who don't love them. needless to say, i stopped chasing after you, it's just embarrassing because i really didn't want to.

i'm a poet that can't create beauty out of words,
a person that can no longer think.
i'm a writer that has lost all of her pens,
and a sturdy ship about to ******* sink.

i wanted to play God
but everyone knew
that i wasn't fit to he a leader

i can't.
i never could, and i never will be able to.