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I live, I die, I burn, I drown
I endure at once chill and cold
Life is at once too soft and too hard
I have sore troubles mingled with joys

Suddenly I laugh and at the same time cry
And in pleasure many a grief endure
My happiness wanes and yet it lasts unchanged
All at once I dry up and grow green

Thus I suffer love's inconstancies
And when I think the pain is most intense
Without thinking, it is gone again.

Then when I feel my joys certain
And my hour of greatest delight arrived
I find my pain beginning all over once again.
Cruisin' the highway of life
Nothing can get in my way
Radio up, tunes I adore
I couldn't ask for anything more

Suddenly, I start to swerve
Euphoric poison jostles my nerves
I'm losing control, and I can't feel
Somebody please take the wheel

It started as a bit of fun
The race unfinished I had won
Soon enough I'd sense false glory
Would I live to tell my story?

Somebody catch me, I'm falling
Harsh realities now appalling
Don't you know I could be bawling
Instead these words I'm duly scrawling

A million projects unfinished
Sense of time diminished
Sentiments overdue
Self-assuredness gone askew

Perhaps the most productive time
Still I would rather be just fine
Than pacing, racing, sleep deprived
Just glad I made it out alive

In the midst of all this rambling
I'm sure glad I'm not out gambling
Not for money, but survival
Bless my sanity's revival

First came the ocean's bottom
Next, the top of the world
Then, I was numb, dead
Now I am myself instead

At first it was a paradox
I couldn't understand
Drugs meant to resurrect me
Could render me so bland

But that was just a phase
The gilded Age was brief
Not long 'fore I could smell fresh air
Salt's not a stealthy thief

The seasons change
Friends come and go
But I outlast
And won't let go

To anyone who's in a bind
Keep fighting, see it through
There's sunshine once the clouds are gone
It's waiting there for you.

post nubila phoebus
Note added January 2014 - (This poem was posted as joke for my gorgeous friend Betty Ponder who needed a good laugh)

young lady, older woman - finally old hag
young lad, older gentlemen - old and sags
five kids holy crap what was I thinkin'
forgot to put on a ****** was drinkin'

firm *******, great too see,  sagging - cover em
my thoughts, typical male, free to speak
kids crying for no reason, mom spoils em
give em all time outs -  spoiled little brats
 Jan 2013 Zero the Lyric
Ibye
You were the dream I awoke from, hand out-stretched, trying to shovel all the air into my mouth because I couldn't breathe at the thought of you
You were my bare legs when I looked down at school and realized I was only in my boxers
We've all had that dream
My psychology professor was bold enough to say even children have the ability to speak a sentence in words that have never been strung together before
You were every new syllable that came out of my tired, 4 a.m. mouth
You were the place I went to when my brain relaxed
You were the girl, tired of love poems, so I said I'd write one about the twenty-seven steps it takes for a caterpillar to turn into a butterfly
But have you ever noticed how much effort a butterfly puts into flapping it's wings
versus how content a caterpillar is just to munch on some leaves
Look at what this has turned out to be
A love poem of something that used to be so brilliant that maybe we were taking our own twenty-seven steps but some curious child was too busy plucking us up to squash us down when they could have been stringing together a new sentence the world has never heard
and I'm sorry
That we are nothing now except traces left on a child's hand
We are nothing but twenty-seven incomplete steps
We are nothing but unspoken words
we are nothing now
but you're still the dream I awake from sometimes
There are still fingerprints of yours on my bare legs
you're still etched into the fabric of my boxers
you're still there, you're still there
All armies are the same
Publicity is fame
Artillery makes the same old noise
Valor is an attribute of boys
Old soldiers all have tired eyes
All soldiers hear the same old lies
Dead bodies always have drawn flies
The eye can hardly pick them out
From the cold shade they shelter in,
Till wind distresses tail and main;
Then one crops grass, and moves about
- The other seeming to look on -
And stands anonymous again

Yet fifteen years ago, perhaps
Two dozen distances surficed
To fable them : faint afternoons
Of Cups and Stakes and Handicaps,
Whereby their names were artificed
To inlay faded, classic Junes -

Silks at the start : against the sky
Numbers and parasols : outside,
Squadrons of empty cars, and heat,
And littered grass : then the long cry
Hanging unhushed till it subside
To stop-press columns on the street.

Do memories plague their ears like flies?
They shake their heads. Dusk brims the shadows.
Summer by summer all stole away,
The starting-gates, the crowd and cries -
All but the unmolesting meadows.
Almanacked, their names live; they

Have slipped their names, and stand at ease,
Or gallop for what must be joy,
And not a fieldglass sees them home,
Or curious stop-watch prophesies :
Only the grooms, and the grooms boy,
With bridles in the evening come.
Smoke, it is all smoke
in the throat of eternity. . . .
For centuries, the air was full of witches
Whistling up chimneys
on their spiky brooms
cackling or singing more sweetly than Circe,
as they flew over rooftops
blessing & cursing their
kind.

We banished & burned them
making them smoke in the throat of god;
we declared ourselves
"enlightened."
"The dark age of horrors is past,"
said my mother to me in 1952,
seven years after our people went up in smoke,
leaving a few teeth, a pile of bones.

The smoke curls and beckons.
It is blue & lavender
& green as the undersea world.
It will take us, too.

O let us not go sheepishly
clinging to our nakedness.
But let us go like witches ****** heavenward
by the Goddess' powerful breath
& whistling, whistling, whistling
on our beautiful brooms.
 Jan 2013 Zero the Lyric
Cin
He never loved you. He used you to satisfy his own ****** needs.
He loves you. He wants you to stay because without you he dies. He is nothing. He is alone.
***** him.
You can't even take care of yourself.
Let him die.
Let him squirm.
Let him squirm, just like how you had to...
Because of him.
Make the pain seep in. Seep in.
Make him feel pain. Feel pain.
Make him human in that sense.
**Mr. ******* Perfect.
2010-11
recovering stages
anger writing
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