Not only do I sit with regret, I pity myself for it.
My regret is not worth the ache. I will tell you why.

Will I sing to the wide blue sky forever looking for the next tragic escape?
I answer profoundly yes, this is beauty and I will exist in it.
I will be that great bird flying over the winding river looking for its nest.
I will be the assertive salmon swimming up that river looking for cracks in the earth.
Not only will I be I, this self will be so much more.
Translucent, forever forgetful, without the ability to navigate the street walks, I describe.

Self taught without proper education is my contention.
But why do I lie?
Admired teachers all you have been even if I may have thought you a bit idiotic.
Though whom am I to criticize your actions and misgivings?
I am but a simple and feeble young man never to leave my lovely confines.
I could talk to you of politics from what I have seen
I could talk to you of the foods I have eaten or watched others eat.
I am gluttonous, I am greedy. I need and I want.
A hole forever being filled and I revel in that fact.

This may be all too much for myself, yet I continue to seek my reason for existence.
A second there a second here, turns into time which is my life.
I must live on that edge, forever testing my bonds.
I love these chains that hold and caress me to the valley oak.
I do not resent these bonds of attachment.
For if the keys were given I would return once more.
If not to the oak, it would be another wellspring of life.
I am not the eternal wanderer. I love the root and will always find another.

For as the seconds passed and life passes by I exist here to originate.

Brawling side by side
I think you have seen this ride
As the two run and step over each other
I feel that they are trying to control their tether
Something that used to hold them to the ground
When young that point of reference was sound
They weren't broken but bound
To the uncontrollable present
At that time it was a gift, not something to fret
But now they wish to give it back
Because they lack as their skin starts to crack
They use every ointment they can to cover themselves
For they can't come to realize that there are no life spells
Only broken shells and solitary cells
But at the last tumble
They feel in their hearts a tremble
Holding each other tight they wonder
if they were the ones that cast themselves asunder
Then without a secondhand thought
They let go of their trouble and doubt.
This freedom from their obsessive ruts
helps them shed their bleeding cuts
A call for help so soft and profound
When at peace as one
Bashful and Jealousy share the rise and fall
side by side.

You will go to sleep early to talk to your pillow.-Isaac Brock
The thoughts in my head were spinning around. It's all in doubt, it's all in doubt. - The Pacific Ocean

"Tell me why the stars are so bright?"
"They are made of gas which is constantly burning and the twinkling light is the result of that."
"You are simple"
"so what, I didn't listen to my teachers very well. you were the one who asked a simple question anyway"
"But was it?"
"I'm pretty sure it was, and how come you don't know?"
"I wanted to hear you tell me. Are you done with your video games now? I want to go outside"
"The game is almost over. Where would you like to go?"
"You always say it's almost over and yet it keeps going on and on. I don't know where to go, we should just go do something outside.
"Like what? I haven't been outside lately and there isn't much to do when you don't have money"
"It's not like we need to pay to go outside. You seem so reluctant to leave the house, who are you again?"
"How come you don't remember? My name is Bashful. What happened to you Jealousy?"
"I'm not entirely sure, something must have hit me on the head. We have to go now Bashful!"
"Why? It's not like there is anything that interesting outside."
"You have to come Bashful or I won't know how to act."
"Remember going outside always ends with disappointment."
"It won't be like that this time Bashful. We will find something fulfilling this time I swear."
"No Jealousy I don't want to go back outside. Id rather stay here in front of my screen."
"You know I'm not surprised much, after that last experience I can tell you don't want to show your face again."
"haha whatever Jealousy, just leave me alone."
"You are going to live with that disappointment forever Bashful if you don't let it go. I'm going to see if Envy wants to go and tell me when you change your mind. ok?"
"Will do."

"Wake, wake up you."
"What, whats happening?"
"Nothing at all you see that's why you gotta get up."
"But jealousy I was just so comfortable laying here, and the dreams were just about to start."
"You need to stop sleeping so much Envy, you will end up holed up in your room like Fear."
"Hmm, whatever you say. So what exactly did you want from me?"
"I wanted to see if you wanted to go outside. So do ya?"
"You don't seem yourself today Jealousy, why exactly do you want to go outside?"
"I feel so restrained in this place, and I'm not sure what there really is to do here anymore."
"You could just relax ya know like Content. He's been sitting there all day reading books and he seems fine."
"Yes he seems fine ,but he rarely even talks anymore. That last incident was just to much for him. Its as if he isn't even present anymore."
"You think too much, but ya Ill go outside with ya it's not like I have anything better to do. Have you asked Bashful?"
"I did but he's still upset about the other."
"I see. He sure is getting sensitive these days."

Jealousy and Envy then leave the house

"This isn't like you Jealousy. You have never been up to leave without Bashful with you. What's up?"
"I'm not sure..."
"Well you should try to sort things out before leaving next time because you don't look well now."
"It's the heat I feel faded and stretched."

The two walk down to the road

"What is there really to do outside these days? All I see is passing cars and others in the distance."
"Umm well I know Stress and Confidence usually go to the nearby station.."
"That's where they work Jealousy don't you remember. You've had to go with them once or twice now."
"Maybe, but the thing is I have no recollection of it."
"Something must of happened to you too during that last time out. You can recall that something occurred, but do you remember what exactly happened?"
"An other created a disturbance... I can sense it in Bashful and the rest of us..."
"Yes that's true but you have no idea of how it happened."
"I don't ya.."
"I guess Ill have to tell ya then, but lets get out of this heat first."

Jealousy and Envy walk over to a grass covered area with trees. Then Envy and Jealousy light up a cigg and resume their conversation.

"The day before, Stress,Bashful, and Coward had just returned from work and they wanted to head into another town to drink with friends. The rest of us agreed and we were able to get a ride. We arrived and thus collided into physical form."

Envy then shares the memory with Jealousy
"Who's ____"
"He's an artist she knows."
"Ohh ya, she told me about him last time I was hanging out with her. They seem to be getting along really well."
"Are you okay there___?"
"Ya I'm fine. I'm in the process of letting go. Are you ready to see if shes there? I want to get drunk."
"Let's go."

"Hey _____"
"How ya doing?"
"Fine. I brought my friend over too. Did you still want to hang out?"
The Memory Dissipates

"So where are you now friend?"
"I'm in a different place than before"
"Where is that? I've never seen you so distant"
"I think it's a place that doesn't truly exist. An imaginary space that confines it's only prisoner, me."
"That place doesn't sound very fun if its just you entrapped. Don't you have any visitors?"
"Once in awhile I let people inside, but then the space becomes distorted and chaotic with constant pressure to release myself"
"So you are the warden too?"
"In a sense I am but in another I'm not fully in control of that place."
"Who is?"
"I'm not entirely sure yet. I see a dark figure trailing me sometimes and I think it's the thing that brought me there. Though when I look back it disappears."
"Don't fade away ok?"
"I'm not gone yet. My mortality always brings me back, but someday I want to stay there."
"Why do you want to leave so badly?"
"I hate being here."

Even though thanksgiving has come and gone,
there is still something to be thankful when this day is done.
Friday is here with all it's goods,
and I finally realize what I'm thankful for.
Amongst all the shoppers on this consumer day,
Im thankful people are still striving to fight inequality across the world.
While we watch people rush to get the best deal,
it might not be apparent
but there are people watching out for each other,
and caring for others before themselves.
A quality I seem to forget.
People who run against the current grain
And support the liberation of
Women,
the Poor,
and the rest of us,
Are my light during this foggy day.

Wait!
I wait for a bus.
Never to enter only to wait.
Others mass around the muni stop.
Shoves and pulls are met with shouts and yells when the bus arrives.
It is surreal.
I have no effort on my part to move my way in.
I shall wait again.
With somewhere to go but not the power I wait.
It bothers me the effort others exert to attain a position on the bus.
Old women shout and babies cry but the bus continues on its way.
My perception of time sets me apart from the crowd.
I know that I will eventually reach my destination.
But to force my will upon others like those entering the bus
I dare not think of it but I betray my thoughts
I know in order to progress I need to assert my place.
As others do I compete to make room for myself on the bus.
The trip is in transition.

A child sits crouched behind a wooden fence separating him from the abuses of his home. The winter night in the northern hills chill his breath as well as his heart. He doubts that he will survive the night ahead, but what he doubts most is that you will stay with him. A sad and weak heart is born this night.
Hidden from the world, he disconnects and tries to forget who he is. Though the child's tears and reflection of memories cause him to choke, and the screams from his broken home return him to reality.
He asks himself "what can I do?"
All he knows is to direct the sadness and anger inward for he has been powerless in the passage of life. Though an unknown strength moves him forward from that night to experience the next day. Liberation is one day closer.
He asks himself "is this the day?"
He knows it is not.
Days will go by and nothing will change. Not till the day courage is restored back into him will he be able to take up arms for a better life. He does not give up and he strives on for his mother and siblings.
It is an ongoing battle, but he will lose himself in the quest for change. The memories harbor a distorted child with confusion and resentment. As I said a sad and weak heart is born this night. He forever becomes a shadow of his former self.

"I will fight you till I lose everything!"
That is the business of bringing down the other man. Until he has felt the same mockery and loss of dignity the battle will never cease. He will feel your hatred so make sure it is apparent that a war is brewing.
Justify your own cause for it will bring you happiness, and doubt his reasoning for it will give you strength.
Point out his flaws and exaggerate to others why he is such a dog. You know what he does to be agreeable.Let it be known how he is the self righteous idiot.
To demean his intelligence privately can be quite the sport, but to do it in public can be the spectacle of your day.
Lie and cheat to protect your own esteem and act and fake the hero to become your own enemy.
For who do you think you were fighting anyway?