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  Jul 2015 ZWS
Sjr1000
I've fallen
into a torpor pit
swirling blackness
seals my lips
I close my eyes
but all I see is me,
Disengaged
Deranged
there is no reason
for this smothering gray.

I feel your hands
but they don't penetrate,
Your breath is sweet upon my face,
laughter comes from another place,
this silence remains my only respite,
My words are stifled
in my chest,
My poetry shoots blanks
where ever I tread.

Motivation is a thing
of the past,
Desire's gone at last,
Being is all that's
left within my grasp.

Lavender love in
technicolor plays
out on a screen,
Life travels on the
wisps of Monarch wings -
Breathe heavy and
hot,
Breathe light and cold,
My words they freeze
when they hit the snow.

I know dances unfold,
But no dance partner knows
the darkness that's become my
trembling soul.

It is to this enclave
I go
from time to time,
the winds outside
still howl my name,
While demons
bang on the walls
of my shame.

Call it a mood,
Call it a funk,
Call it the blues,

Sometimes
these holes just open,
Inside I go,
No ladder
only a shovel
wouldn't you know.

Doors without keys,
Echoes without sounds,
And all there is
is
the
darkness
I
have constructed
all around.
ZWS Jul 2015
I'm not even sure that I can be fixed anymore.
ZWS Jul 2015
I wish the big crunch theory was never disproved
Because I want to be unmade
I want to see myself going backwards
So my mistakes can be undone

Not so sure I want to be born again
Cause I'm sure I'll just waste all my dopamine
On pointless highs and someone I'd be coping on
Cause this human condition is something to cope with
Because hope doesn't exist it just works when you believe in it
And my mechanisms are missing gears
What do you do when the engineer is broken
So don't try and prune, just remove my stem

I'm the lonely astronaut
Because we're all just neurons in the mind of god
And I have no synapse friends
**** time, if I'm dead that's something I can break and bend
If I had more time, this broken repairman could mend
ZWS Jul 2015
All the happy songs are just making me sadder these days
Cause somewhere down inside of me
Something way too deep, and out of sight
Needs to be pulled out
And I'm getting a stronger feeling everyday
That I can't do that alone
So darling won't you throw me a bone
Didn't ever want it to come down to dog fetch

And all these feelings come to me quite random
Cause I'm not the pilot of my mind
But I can hear him and he's going down
Mayday I can hear him breaking sound

And I'm feeling like I'm gonna die someday,
Soon
And I'm feeling like a fool
When I see you walking by and I let you go
I don't even know who you are
But you are a euphemism for me
Because pessimism isn't just in my head

This isn't a drill
The bomb is real
And I've been tucking my head in between my knees
This isn't a drill, I need
You
ZWS Jul 2015
I remember when we were kids
We used to pretend we were astronauts
I remember when we were kids we used to pretend
Now we can barely fit inside the orbits in our heads

Am I your lover, or am I just your cargo ship?
Am I your lover or am I just full of ****?
Am I your lover or am I just your cargo ship?

I'm calling back to mission control
I'm lost inside all the signals in your head
I never meant to hurt you
But I swear I'll make it right in the end
I said I swear I'll make it right if you love me till the end

I remember when I was a kid
We'd always play hide and seek
But I only ever hid
I was blushing in the brush
I was missing out on what I could have caught
So tell me am I your cargo ship?
Or am I just some lonely stupid astronaut?
Tell me am I your lover or am I just full of ****?
ZWS Jul 2015
I can feel Hawthorne's ghost over my shoulder while I walk through this gray cubicle maze
It's not my money, it's not my fault, when I'm stored in a cooler five floors above a city I want to raze
Left with my own devices to disappear in magician expectations
I'm corporate livings favorite cog
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