Claire Billings

Claire Billings Feb 2021

Succubus

My love is poisonous
Wilting every relationship or lover I touch
At first, I viewed this as a curse
Lamenting in darkness and pain
With nothing but a black, oozing, tar heart
I tried to fix it in vain
But after a while,
When there's nothing left to drip from the cavity in my chest
I may as well do what I'm good at.
They call me a *****
But I couldn't care less.
I'll bite into your heart
Watch the blood trickle from my lips
Cherry against my porcelain skin
I'll dance into your dreams
Until all your thoughts only consist of me
Long black hair framing my malicious face and sinful smile
A simple touch leaving you addicted
My presence alone igniting your soul
Kisses burning holes in your skin
I haunt you at night
but hide in the darkest corner of your mind,
when sunlight pours through your curtains.
I'll tear you apart inside out
Until only leaving a husk
Stringing along your heart on a chain
You can't love anything if you don't have anything to love with

#hotgirlshit lol

Claire Billings Feb 2021

Auburn Haired Muse

Your long red hair caused flames to become jealous because they could never compare to your color

Each freckle a kiss I wanted to leave on your body

Your willowy body swaying lithely to Conan Gray while I sat on your bed in amazement that God could create something as ethereal as you

My heart quickened at your touch, even though it was always platonic and nothing more than a brush against my arm or a friendly hug

Every curve in the right place, no matter how much you argued that you were built like a 2x4 plank of wood, everyone wished they were you

Everything about you seemed perfect, right down to your button nose that was covered in blush and bucket hat that was a size too big

You were my best friend, we were all we really had

And you were the first girl I ever loved, not that I ever told you before you left

But I still kept those polaroids and photo booth strips we took at the mall

No matter how hurt I was when you started ghosting me after you began a new life, I'll always think about you

Claire Billings Feb 2021

Floor

There's something about lying on the floor staring at the ceiling that the comfort of no bed can provide

Maybe it's the way we feel grounded, how the small of our back and head lay against the rough old rug you've had for ages

Keeping you tied to the earth when you feel yourself drifting away

Or maybe It's just because I refuse to use the bed I've been provided and would rather mope on the hard floor

Either way, the best way to do an existential crisis is lying on the floor with purple LEDs and Ribs by Lorde playing in the background and you can't change my mind

Claire Billings Feb 2021

Pretty House

A pretty house lies on the top of the hill

The exterior is lovely but within is decay

The walls crumbling and wallpaper peeling

The foundation in shambles

Ghosts roam the corridors in search of the love from their parents they could never find

Children with tears staining their cheeks and bruises decorating their skin with watercolor blues and purples intermixing

Their wails for Mothers who've faded out of existence after being seen as nothing more than silent servants for so long

And fathers who used whiskey to replace emotions and violent words to beat down everyone else until their minds are nothing more than gravel and feel smaller then him

Fathers who never treated the children right but still call for them regardless

Broken picture frames with shards of glass line coat the floors

Cutting and keeping away anyone who tries to come near

Tears flood the basement and skeletons fill the closets

The house beyond repair

Claire Billings Feb 2021

Juliette's Romeo Doesn't Like Her Back

Hey,

I know we can’t be a thing but is it so wrong that I want you?

You’re constantly on my mind

I’d rather speak than bottle it up like I have the past few months
And eventually explode

Or maybe consider this letter my explosion,

I know out of all the people you’re the worst choice, being my ex’s friend and all

(No matter how badly he treats you, and all the things he says, but you stuck with him because you’re loyal)

Call me dumb, or anything you’d really like
As long as you know this isn’t out of revenge or spite

But from blooming feelings I’ve had since November

That wrapped and twisted around my rib cage and flowered through my skin,
Leaving me to pluck the petals in a game of “love me or love me not”

Well I finally give in
I don’t want you to feel obligated requite my feelings or anything,

And I might be taking your long, and frequent glances at me during class
The wrong way

But I’m placing all my chips out and taking a gamble,
To tell you I really like you

A more refined version of the letter I wrote, the feelings were not reciprocated
Yes I know I'm a bad person

Claire Billings Feb 2021

Death of a Butterfly

I should’ve realized that I never loved you,

When your lips touched mine
and my butterflies were long dead.

When your best friend made me laugh and feel better around him
and made me feel more for him than you ever could

When I no longer felt the rush of static on my skin when your hands slithered across me

When I longed for the returned stare of a stranger at the store.

When I no longer felt the excitement of seeing you

But I liked the feeling that I was wanted,

And so I held on, because you told me it was love

And what do I know about love?

Claire Billings Feb 2021

Edgy Girl

To many adults, I’m nothing but the definition of wasted potential, rebellion, and stupidity. I don’t fit their timeline nor their expectations
My sluggishness and lack of energy keeping me at bay, ruining my chances while I put on a show for my peers.
Although who doesn’t love a good show
I put myself on a constant stage and create character after character until I get to the point where I’ve lost myself in the art.
I don't know who I am.
But I suppose that’s the age-old question,
Man pondering where he belongs.
I like to pretend I’m smart for coming to that conclusion and writing these poems when in reality I’m a walking cliche repeating overused phrases
I fit the stereotype to make myself feel valid,
yet act like I’m better than God himself.
I hate the world, I smear black on my eyes, I wear dark clothes and scream at nothing and everything.
I get hurt and blame it on everyone but myself,
yes, the sidewalk was the one who scraped my knee, but I’m the one who’s rubbing salt into it before it can heal.
I sleep in late and stay up until the sun rises above the Tetons, scolding me with bright rays through my window stinging my eyes.
I curse out at the world, I complain about everything while not doing much to fix it
I beat myself up and am merciless to the body that my soul resides in.
I cry and get upset over everything yet am empty, and completely and utterly numb.
I'm just your average, angsty teenage girl