I just want to hide
To move with inaction
To be a dot within the line
An insignificant point in time
I just want to be an eternal witness
That never moves the story forward
A ghost among the timely passerby
A shadowed shape among dotted lines

If I only saw
But never spoke
Never moved
I could have remained forever
Within the fringe of
The maelstrom
The cataracts
Of loss and ceaseless decay
And
Never be broken
By the loss of
You

The fear of you noticing me
Noticing you
The fear of you leaving
The fear of you merely passing by
The fear of you disappearing so suddenly
After coming by so often
Catching me by its anticipated yet still tragic
Surprise
The fear of you being annoyed by my uncontrollable infatuation
The fear of your smile fading little by little
The more you see me
The fear of you evading me altogether
The fear of never knowing you

The fear of my regrets
The fear of my loneliness
The fear of my hollowness
The fear of my fear
The fear of living so empty
When once I was so unbearably fulfilled
Though even those happier days were spent with a fear of
Losing
Still I have to live with this fear of bareness
Of a soul
That once adorned a jewel
That was so wonderful
All it did
Was to incite fear of its loss
And in my foolishly tight
Protective grips
It has shattered completely
Leaving only a naked melancholy
reminder
Of a fear of love that once were.

Let me see you before you appear
Let me hear you before you speak
Let me understand you before you
Attempt to connect with me
Let me leave you before you stay
Let me hide away before you see me
Let me keep an impression of you
Before you give it away
Let me fade away before
You remember me
Always
Faint and resolute
From the innocent days.

I always inevitably repeat the avoidable
While forever evade the inevitable.

I remain permanently unmoved
By the constant impermanence.

I have read every single letter
Of your words silent and unwritten
To have understood regretfully
Your incomprehensible
Indifference.

Still I will ponder forever
Hesitantly
Your definite answer
Of immediate
Impermanence.

As the leaves fall
I lift myself up
To replace its abundant emptiness.

For the world has turned pale
Since the color returned to you
For I have become an empty book
Since I have been read and used
For I have been washed away
When the river of musings
Have dried up from
A storm of old stories of
Nothing new
That's never been told

Still
I'd rather be the white maple
Of short lived pleasant surprises
Of a kind of soul you never knew
Than the anticipated
Colorful few
Among
The vast insignificance
Of an all brilliant view.