I went to go get a physical the other day
My doctor asked me a bunch of questions per usual
How many ****** partners have you had?
I answered
And they all treated you right?
Never hurt you or made you do something you didn’t wanna do?
Lying through my teeth “yea of course”

I wish my mother knew what happened

He left junior year and now he’s back,
I dont feel safe in school anymore,
I told her that seeing a glimpse of his face scared me and made me nervous,
I wanted to hide,

My ex,
That’s what my mom thinks he is anyway, only an ex
But he’s much more

It took a lot of time to realize.
I thought because we were dating it was fine,
But I knew in the back of my head,
I never wanted to do it
I wish my mother knew how numb I feel inside
He took something from me and I can’t get it back

I wish my mother knew he ***** me

I wish I knew what he did to me earlier,
When someone gets *****, the body responds to it the only way it knows how,
Naturally,
It messes with your psychological state of mind
It fools our brain thinking it wasn’t ****, it was simply something else

It tricks us into thinking we wanted it...

I’ve come to realize I might be more sensitive than what I portray, but I guess that’s okay

10
What’s ten more?
Ten more tattoos is a job application gone wrong
Ten more is 9 to many cuts to cover up
Ten more is a another decimal place on the scale
Grocery store cashier “Ten more”
1 is 0’s best friend
So what’s one more?
One more again and again
Will soon add up to 10
And we’re right back where we started
So what’s ten more?
Ten more times that you will let him hurt you
Ten more is a changed paycheck
Ten more days is a week and a half to get your **** together and move on

Hey,
You wanna know what happens to  the passing smile in the hallways, and the “hey love!” with a hand hold that seamlessly morphs into a stretched arm turnt backwards in the sea of people,
When the smile goes home,
It fades and eyes water,
The lines are still carved into her  cheeks,
Smudges of charcoal placed over her hands and face,

She feels like,
a dandelion, a ****,
Always uprooted but always looking happy,
Even though it knows that they won’t stay for long,

You ever feel like you’re in a constant state of falling?
Never once reaching the ground,
Hovering the floor,
And can’t wait to touch so you can get back up again.
That was her,

She plasters a smile on her face everyday
and throws in a couple of laughs to get through the day,
She asks her self “What am I doing with my life”
It’s revolving around everyone else’s,
She isn’t living for herself anymore
She’s dandelion seeds in the wind not knowing where it will take her

You sit in her stomach
Wrapped up in flesh
She cannot see you but she can feel you

Those 9 months are like a really
long blind date
But the mandatory 9 months were cut short...

You were suppose to have a birthday
We would tell each other secrets
And you would tell me about your girl troubles
I would scare the kids off that made fun of you

I remember the day that mom was  bed bound,
Mommy was “sick” Dad told me
He said not to bother her,

She gave me a white bear with a pale assortment of colors on it,
It came with a marker so I could draw on it,
And when I wanted to change it, all I had to do was wash it,
I thought it was great.

I wish my life came with a marker
I would draw us all together
And never wash it
It would stick and become a stain

I wish I could see you and tell you how everyone is doing,
Mom has a new husband now
And dad is single  
they separated awhile ago
It’s ok, I’m glad you didn’t have to be here to witness it,
You have an older half sister you know?
Yep and a little one too,
You’re a middle child, just like me.

I wanna tell you everything
But mostly I wanna hear you speak
Tell me what you’ve been through and how it is up there
One day I’ll see you and we can catch up on life.

He said “one is lonely” I said
One isn’t lonely,
One is confident,
One is independent and doesn’t need help from another to make it happy,

One is the beginning,
One is the start to something that can go on forever,
One is me,
One is you,
One can do anything it sets its mind to,

One doesn’t need a second opinion because it’s opinion is the best one,
One says i love you and doesn’t need to hear it back,
Because one isn’t lonely

Maybe now you'll understand why
I dont question it
I don't follow rules
I dont think the same as you