A fluke I saw it
A fluke I found it
It looked so real
So life like
Exactly what I saw
When designing my own

But as excitement grew
The tears started to shed
As I wanted another more
Then to watch it with you

Miles apart
Years have passed
And I still wish for you

I still remember that small message
Written on a locker white board
"Have a great day, love you toothless"

Physically I'm fine
A little bruised
Nothing to mind

Physically I'm alright
No cuts or scrapes
Nothing to stain the seats

Physically I'm ok
Through the nods and smiles
Fingers across the keys

Physically I'm
A voice I don't recognize
Speaks to the phone
As the fingers fly and click the keys

Physically
Just stay focused
Study hard and count the days
You'll make it another day

But despite what you see
A hard worker who thrives on her job
Who wants to get excitement from it

You glazed over
When I wasn't ok
And reminded me

I was a number to you.....

I should be happy
to celebrate
count down the days for their happiness

I should be happy
to enjoy their company
to embrace their warmth

but I don't want to see them
not because I don't like them
but for the pain I have

the knife in my gut twisting with every smile
with every side glance
every small loving smile
I hold it together from snapping

from crying out in agony
from screaming at the unfairness of it all

Because how can I tell them
that the love they have
the love that will last
the love I tried to explain

I was yelled at by a 21 year old upon our first interaction
and venom over child games
left deep cuts that scared

And the love they have
the love I see on them

I once held so delicately

so while they get to celebrate
and enjoy a wonderful night
and work every day to be better

I will be on my own
with the empty hands covered in scars
still hoping that something will happen

still hoping a miracle could happen
while I sit and see the name in stone