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I went where we first held hands
I went where we first kissed
I went where we first started to fall

It was nice seeing it again
enjoying the view from above
Smiling at the memories of you

But you are no longer here to hold my hand
No longer to pull me into you
No long to kiss my through out the night

so despite my mind focused
despite my face with a smile
I was crying silently

in front of everyone
for all to see
She can walk with angles
fight with demons
spread the word like a prophet

Her smile makes anything give
her anger makes them flee
her touch sets fire to a soul

So sweet
so simple
so differnet, then all the others
Funny how life goes
First you go through hell
then you heal

but life is funny
when making someone close
go through something
you thought you healed from

but when the feelings
the fear
rushes back
it makes you wonder
did you ever heal in the first place
or did you burry well enough

funny watching your life
as a outsider
instead of living it
"What is your greatest fear?"
   "Having this heartache feeling forever"
"Oh, ok"
   "What about you, what do you fear?"
"You really want to know?"
   "Yeah, what keeps you up at night?"

"Being alone"
Its funny
how we can take something small
and make it huge

or take ones inncident
and make it our story
skewing to what we wish

oh simple life
so simple to pressure
one way or another
I am empty
The gut-wrenching feeling I have had
these past few days
as made it hard to breath

The endless self-doubt
a constant reminder that I am not worthy of anything
constant pain of walking on eggshells
a constant hole in the heart
from being bitten when trying to feed

I feel numb
numb to emotion
numb to pain
numb to love

The pain is still raw
the idea your actually gone
still hurts
even if I know it was the right choice

Maybe one day I will do the barn and coop
maybe one day I won't feel pain when someone says your name
maybe one day I'll remind myself what it is to be happy
without putting on a fake smile
maybe one day

one day you will become a memory
but someone I will never forget
one I am glad to have known
despite the constant fights

it was always nice to have a friend
when you needed it
One lives on a phone
One lives a thousand miles away
One forgot I exist
One refuses to answer
One stopped reaching out
One left me when I needed someone
and one didn't want to understand

so many people
so many people I called "friend"
if only
just maybe
I could give that title to one

and they hold it close
like me
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