Strange
When your mind focus on something
scared to breath a word to anyone

but it keeps finding ways to come up
in the most random of places
form the people who trust you the most

only if they understood
only if they knew
would they still hold you close

or look at you like the monster you are?

You be black
I'll be white

I'll go first with a knight
You move a pawn

One by one our pieces move
One by one our pieces fall

But the board holds few now
Your calculations swift
Robbed me of everything but my king
A handful of pieces for you

But was that the intent
For another game

One where your white
And I'm black

To hear you voice
Makes my heart soar
To see your messages
My mouth form a uncontrollable smile

So why is it easier
To type everything I wish to say
In a unread document
That is buried on a drive
When I am so good with words??

Just one more
Might hold love
Might hold fear
Might hold a gift
Might hold pain

So many possibilities
For a sleepless night

Almost I found the courage
To tell you my regret
To tell you why
No one can ever touch me again

Would you hate me
For not telling you sooner
For being a coward
Despite having every opportunity possible

Would you hate the memories
As they all went skewed
Wondering if your lust
Was damaging instead of pleasing

Would you be mad at him
A boy who hurt me
That I have no contact with

I was almost brave
I almost formed the words
But when I tried to process it
I went back to that phone call
That cold, cold November
The request I made

I wished to make my abuser happy
Even at my own cost
How silly was I
How silly and young
Holding my life in my hands