Writing of the Unknown

Writing of the Unknown Nov 2022

Almost

Almost I found the courage
To tell you my regret
To tell you why
No one can ever touch me again

Would you hate me
For not telling you sooner
For being a coward
Despite having every opportunity possible

Would you hate the memories
As they all went skewed
Wondering if your lust
Was damaging instead of pleasing

Would you be mad at him
A boy who hurt me
That I have no contact with

I was almost brave
I almost formed the words
But when I tried to process it
I went back to that phone call
That cold, cold November
The request I made

I wished to make my abuser happy
Even at my own cost
How silly was I
How silly and young
Holding my life in my hands

Writing of the Unknown Nov 2022

If only you understood...

My sweet little devil
you've learned how to care
how to thrive
how to love
and you have it in your mind
that you wish to come
but would you still feel the same
if you understood why I dread it?
why I want it to both happen and not at the same time
a internal torment of my mind
over my simple regret

if you only understood how deep
this action goes
if you only remembered who was involved
if you only remembered how you stopped me
from making a terrible mistake

simple and swift
a request of a job
you refused
not because of the target
but of the payment

being me...

I'm sorry little devil if you find this before I can tell you face to face

Writing of the Unknown Nov 2022

High School

Three years
Three simple years

1st was great
finding love
standing up and speaking of the past
experiencing hurt
but feeling whole

2nd was different
lost many friends
grew close to others
still figuring out love
but trying to find peace with myself once more

3rd
3rd was one I wish not to speak about
one about pain
one about torment
one where my biggest regret lies

would I change it, perhaps
but I wouldn't be the same
but I also wouldn't dread a friendly visit
even if it is just talk

Writing of the Unknown Nov 2022

Mixed Signals

We can never get off the phone
Either messages or calls
Always talking

You use to call me on the way home
I use to make sure you got a good morning message
We use to talk

Now it seems you just grew silent
As my heart began to soar
Leaving it to fall once more

Yet when I ask
When my concerns are brought up
You brush them off

So are we still in this together
Or did you leave me at the platform?

Writing of the Unknown Nov 2022

Burning Fire

Your voice smooth and sweet
You words ones I wish to trust
But others have made that impossible
And yet I still get a little hope
And the thought of seeing another face

But would your stay still be the same
If I finally spoke the truth
Could you ber to look at me
Or would you throw me out
For hiding it for so long

Would you be upset I asked about it
Or would the fragmented memories
Finally click into place
And you understood why I jump
Why my heart races
And fear sets softly in my eyes
Despite my body wishing you close

Writing of the Unknown Nov 2022

Cold November

Seems like such a long time ago
5 years ago
practically a lifetime with everything that's happened
Drowning my sorrows with a clear liquid
Makes the mind only a little fuzzy
Blasting music doesn't make it leave
when the chaos is inside ones mind

It was cold that morning when it happened
a simple implication
a single phone call
and in the end
only one was hurt
beyond repair

How to "move on"
when the past still speaks up
friends, enemies, lovers, strangers
so many titles for a swift thought

How low can a angle fall
before the broken bones and care spirt
finally take their toll?

The only thing saving one from complete self destruction
was a self respect
another had for them
forever grateful
forever thankful

pushing limits
testing boundaries
only one who has gotten so far
only one
I can trust

when it was my little devil who saved me
when no one else could