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Maybe the pencil will help
the brush my voice
hopefully
by something small
I can find the joy
that I seem to be missing
Everyone seems to have it together
A messy but controlled life
and then I'm here

struggling to function
struggling to breathe
trying to find a reason to live

Why is it so hard
to figure out something normal
that can get me through the day?
Oh, my sweet little devil
You view me so high
put me on a pedestal to display

You hold me up
Comfort me when I'm down
try to support me as best as you can

But would you still hold me close
comfort my fears
if you realized I wasn't the angle you saw

Would you still wish to be near
if you understood
that is my biggest regret

the one simple action
that controls my life
involved you?

Could you still look at me the same
or would your view change
when you see me shy away from your loving touch

Would you leave little devil
if you understood what I did
that November morning?
Such a perfect life
Such a perfect time

no limits
no boudairs

Only extremes
are for me

Is it too much
to wish them real

and I didn't have to say
those words again?
This was suppose to be new
This was suppose to be good
This was suppose to be starting
This was suppose to be a break

Grey skies
the weight of the world
no more tears left
new scars created
death following us everywhere

WHY!!???
Why are you punishing me??



What did I do wrong this time?...........
Darkroom engulfs me
the shadows dancing on the walls
The bed kept me still

I struggle to get up.
My body fighting every step
my mind wanting to go back to sleep

the warm sun on my face
the birds chirping in the trees
does it still count as effort
when all I managed was to go outside?
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