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This was suppose to be new
This was suppose to be good
This was suppose to be starting
This was suppose to be a break

Grey skies
the weight of the world
no more tears left
new scars created
death following us everywhere

WHY!!???
Why are you punishing me??



What did I do wrong this time?...........
Darkroom engulfs me
the shadows dancing on the walls
The bed kept me still

I struggle to get up.
My body fighting every step
my mind wanting to go back to sleep

the warm sun on my face
the birds chirping in the trees
does it still count as effort
when all I managed was to go outside?
You suffocate me
pull me from family and friends
making me sit alone in the dark

You take my drive
my passion depleted
my hope, crushed

Why did you come back?
I thought I was getting better
I thought.....
It was only an hour
60 minutes of pure terror
the unknown of what would happen
the uncertainty of who would live
the chaos in each mind

One drew their last breath.
One pulled a trigger
One body fell
One survived without a scratch

You scream at what I didn't do
How your family was torn
How I didn't save your child
But while you cry yourself to sleep

I lay awake
unable to shake that day from my mind
replaying my actions once more
The weight of taking a life
by a single, simple, action

Your family can grieve a stone
mine becomes terrified of me

three people died that day
only two bodies were buried

So why are you demanding my job
when I still have nightmares of that hour


one simple hour


that changed more then just your life...
It was simple, really
a swift motion with a sword
A brutal hit with a hammer
My heart in pieces on the floor

I felt ignored
You left me
You refused to understand me
You broke me

Now I sit
Cutting myself on the pieces
as I gather them up
wondering if anyone

can fix my broken heart
and not break it once more?
You expect everything to be fine
Talking like nothing has happened
Ignoring the main cause of silence

You never asked why
You never asked what happened
You never asked...

You expect me to be cheerful
You expect me to be happy
and hide my true emotions

"Be happy, Be squeaky"
Never once stopping to ask
why I have such tough skin
Laughter turned to sobs
Happiness turned to sorrow
Passion turned to despair
Love turned to ice

Another sleepless night I'll have
One in silence
One in misery

Maybe tonight ilk feeling something
Instead of being numb
To everything
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