A strange feeling
One I never thought existed
To be living
two lives

One running to the point of collapse
The other
myself

Who am I?
Everything feels off
out of place

uncertain of what was
so
who am I now?

I hear them
And I think of you
I see them
And hear your voice
I find them more
After knowing you
A simple thing
A seirn, and light
Makes tears ***** my eyes
Not for where they go
But for who rides in them
Understanding the pain
That comes with a badge
Or shield
The tarnished vision
That society has now created
And the lives effected
Over selfish acts of violence

I hear them
I see them
And I think of you
Maybe one day
I will be able to hold you
Ease your pain through the night
Release the tension you hold
But for now
I sit
Swallowing my sobs
And move on
Like my heart didn't just shatter
In a million pieces

To dream of what if
To think of a life
That never happened
To live experiences
That will never pass
Become a fascination of some
A balance of time and life

Some use it to escape
Others use it to grow
Me
I use it to think
To think of him
Of them
What my life could have been
If I had just
Said
Yes.

Is it bad
to wish to talk
to another who does not know me?

Is that such a bad thing
To wish one voice is heard
and not drowned out in a sea of silence?

Is it so bad
to wish
to speak?

Once more
My life is nit picked
And I'm always in the wrong

Always doing bad
Never good
Expect when I'm away

Some say it's a miracle
That I can still find joy
But my joy is when I'm gone

But can I leave the other
To face the same prison sentence
That we escaped from before?

Is that fair
Or am I moving on
From my past???

I sit
looking around at the mess I have made
unsure where to start

My life is unraveling
complete chaos
and not enough time

not enough time
for myself....

So can I find the reasons
to make it through the night?

such a dreaded thing

Some for good
Some for bad
Some for hope
some for despair

Seconds feel like hours
the clock moving slower

oh why do you move so slow
when I am alone
yet so fast when I am not?