Golden Feather
so light and pure
your light
casts away the darkness
simple yet strong
innocent in war
perfect and flawed
both the truth
simple and powerful
burn bright Golden Feather
and keep the monsters away
Tonight

You walk in my shadow
Your right out of eyesight
You are always next to me

Watching
waiting
patient for the right time

The right time when you can slither back in my mind
plant dangerous thoughts
reminding me once more
that I'm nothing

A nobody
a speck in everyone's else's lives
that will be blown away by the wind
and never missed

You tell me no one would care
Because no one cares now

The final jump
the relation of a step
the pull of a trigger

then it's over
and nobody is gone
forever silent

a marked grave no one visits
a corpse encased in stone

Who would care
if nobody disappeared

when nobody seemed to care
about a nobody

You have always been there for me
My protector
My teacher
My guider

You hold me at night when the world is mean
You remind me how beautiful I am
You always make me laugh through my tears

21 years it has been us
together we got out of the hell house
and learned how to live without pain finally

When the doctors first said there was something wrong
I was 15
15 living in a nightmare while trying to navigate high school
15 when you first talked about leaving me
But then you were fine
and we were happy again

Now I sit
21 listening to your problems
21 seeing you in pain
and hating every second of it
21 and barely holding it together

Doctors don't know what's wrong
and speak of testing and scans
the only diagnosis we got
makes my stomach knot

"Suicide Syndrom"

The words burn in my mind
and when you explain how you understand
why it has its name
I silently cry
terrified that
the strongest warrior that I know
won't fight anymore
and I will be completely alone

Please fight mom,
please stay with me one more night
just one more
night