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I sit perfectly still
my smile perfect
as everyone looks at me

But when I am alone
I break
and speak words no one will hear
not because they do not care
but because I do not worry them

I sit and let silent words hit the floor
each the fear of broken trust
because some
don't
listen.....
I sit and scribble
pencil on paper
notes that will be used
once

I sit annoyed at the screen
frustrated the end can't come fast enough
but yet I also want it slow
slow for my others
time to let me enjoy the few moments I have left to cherish
and to finish projects, I have yet to begin

So I sit and write
complete chicken scratch only I can read
as I count down
till the last one comes
Your voice was music to my ears
the small laugh you gave made my heart flutter
but as quickly as it went up
it came crashing down
I do not know what to do
Nor how I feel half the time
The long periods of silence
only make a mind wander
but when you speak
you act like I'm the only one in the world
So now I type
procrastinating yet again
because I am unsure about you
When the world is in chaos
and I feel the need to end it
I take a small piece of paper
and fold

it started as a final act before the world went black
but it now developed into a habit
folding to calm the world once more

I have a collection now
of paper cranes
that saved my life
Blue, Red, Green, Back, White, and Yellow
Each is a representation of something
Each having their weights

We used to look up to them
Now we yell at them
But the weight grows

Every day they carry it
to make sure we are protected
and safe

They give us hope in the darkest times
and that glimmer of hope lights the weight slightly
but it never leaves

No one understands the weight
until the badges have black ribbons on them
and one is put up to rest.
You're filled with pure ink
Each mark was permeate
the red divider you have is your only color

But you are the second to hold her words
Such power she can create
For both good and bad

The black book that she looked to for salvation
only held the darkness
and let it out when she read

Nothing was happy in that black book
Even when flames struggled to consume it

Now you are here
Holding most of the same
but you are different

You show love, passion, and hope
Where she almost forgot the feeling
So let her ink your pages

scraping your page with metal with each stoke
And one day
Show the world
the words she struggled to say
I want you here
I want you to hold me
and tell the world to leave me alone
I like your arms to keep me at night
and I want your lips to kiss every inch of my body
but as much as I want you here
Next to me
I can't have it


You wake up every day
tired from the day before
and you still find the energy
to run and help at a moments notice

You are there helping people
saving them when there is no hope
Calming blazes till their out
You're a hero to them...


So how can I want you
when it would be
taking someone's hero away
at the moment when they need one the most?
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