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I was once innocent
Pure hearted
Kind at all costs

Innocent till I was alone

Alone they made me
I was a poison everyone hid from
A poison that only hurt myself

A poison that planted a seed

A new environment soon came.
And for once I could make friends
Friends who didn't run away from the sight of me

Yet the seed was growing.

A new environment with friends was a first
First time I wasn't an outsider
That I finally had a place in this world

But the sprout finally emerged from the soil.

Pain filled my memories.
Growing with uncertainty
Friends not able to understand how much I was hurting

Blood watering the plant

I screamed silently
I begged for help
trying to find reason in my upside-down life

The plant only growing more with every drop.

I wanted to be told I was insane
That this was just a bad dream
and I would awake from this nightmare

But the plant started to strangle me.

My secrets came spilling out before my eyes
This is just a nightmare, I thought
A nightmare and nothing more

The plant tightening its hold on me

Then I was alone
Alone with my thoughts
and trying to escape the self-created prison

The plant loosened me enough to breathe.

A new environment
Trying new things
People understanding what I was going through

The plant slowly weakening.

I thought I was better.
I thought the nightmare was over.
I thought I was free.

The plant quickly suffocated me once more

.I screamed for help
I begged people to see the damage I was enduring
I prayed, but no one came

The plant slowly killing me with every second I couldn't breathe.

I was fighting a war
that everyone saw
but no one wanted to help

Every drip of blood fueling the plant more.

Was I too far gone
I thought
or would I set the example of what not to do

The plant draining every bit of life I had



my vision went blurry
and all I saw was the plant I created years ago
slowly winning its fight with me




"One last breath"
the plant hissed
"one last breath"



As I felt my body giving up
slowly growing numb to the pain
the plant started to die

Leaves wilted
Stacks grew limp
and the remains of my plant buried me

I crawled from the remains.
watching as the blood that once gave it strength
gave birth to a fire at its core

A fire that burned everything it touched
everything turning to ashes
burning bright in the night sky



Soon my fire ate its self to death.
but I was not cold anymore
I did not need its protection





I was finally free
free from the plant I created
free from the fire I made
free from myself
I sit at night
writing in ink
hoping it lasts the test of time
Quill and ink
every drop
a purpose intended
The only place I feel free
Free to look at myself
and question thoughts in my head
but is this freedom really free
When no one sees the words I write?
If I could, I would write myself a letter
A letter full of hope and happiness
but also a warning of the pain to come

To write to the past
make memories that can never come
Hold loved ones just one more time
Stop the pain before it comes

I would be happy
my body wouldn't be scarred
but I would also be different

I wouldn't be able to stand up when hit
I wouldn't understand how fragile life can be

If I could write a letter to myself
A letter that said everything to come
I simply


wouldn't
Everyone wants to have a star fall in love with them
The fame
The spotlight
All on them now
But no one stops and thinks about the reality

Your actions are judged.
You are followed everywhere.
You are on the cover of magazines.
So people can tell what you have done right or wrong.

The only escape you will have
Are in stolen moments
Behind locked door
And the windows shut
To keep the world out

Always looking behind your shoulder.
Always on edge of who is around you
Never comfortable in the public eye

are the "Rewards" when a star falls for you
The colors spread on the canvas
Each one planed
Each one different

The brushes are a mess
and create black water as they are washed
but the canvas is different

Slowly shapes and splashes
turn into a complete image
a story through the artist's eyes

Her life is one display now
but when people ask which one she is
her answer is simple

"All of them"
Harsh and Evil
Cold and distant
Never allowing anyone to get close
Fear of pain once more
Love broke the walls
And helped shelter the heart
Soon blankets became metal
and a cage was formed around it once more
Leaving it cold and alone
Once again
Great ideas flow in the mind
but the struggle to sort them
kills some of them

Getting the ideas clear enough to explain
will **** others

Few make it to the typing phase
but those normally die quickly as well

So what idea is left after the killing is done?
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